Emilia Romagna GP Sprint Report

With 6 Red Flags in Qualifying, what would happen in an actual race?  Lap 2 and out came the Safety Car when Zhou went over Gasly and into the wall.  

This came hot on the heels of an explosive start with LeClerc taking Verstappen off the grid, with Norris pushing him hard.  Alonso, starting out 5th and everyone's shout for surprise podium, got overtaken by all and sundry.  The Mercedes couldn't make a speedy getaway to make up for their poor qualifying with both cars losing places.

Basically the Sprint meant that anyone interesting who was near the front of the grid is starting much further back and there was no real change at the front.  Ferrari will have a greater knowledge of racing on the Soft compound of tire, which hopefully they can apply for the race proper.  On the mini podium the drivers were given a maxi medal - what happened to the laurel wreaths?  Next year, a book token will be awarded.

Mexico GP - a champion is crowned

Another guest post this week - from Halo, Baby!

Due to baby pitstop making the most of the extra hour of night to scream all night long, we were not in a fit enough state to produce a full race review. And as Hamilton haters, we weren’t in celebratory mood.

Granadors (winners)

ê   The man in the ‘Day of The Dead’ costume who started the formation lap – Excellent puppetry with his mask... I loves a puppet;

ê   Lewis Hamilton – Awesome start and won a world championship (though he didn’t seem to think so  as he p**sed and moaned about the whole day until the chequered flag appeared);

ê   Stoffel (Vandoorne) – Despite being rank last every time I looked at the positions, he seemed to get a top-ten points finish. Good on him, the wee rascal;

ê   Williams – Finally beating Haas in the ‘don’t be last’ stakes;

ê   Max Verstappen – He and his Red Bull seem to have mastered this track, what with the back-to-back wins. Maybe he loves the thin air, maybe he loves burritos. He’s the first driver to win five races without even having been on pole though and he won this with his engine “turned down”;

Perdedors (losers)

ê   Danny Ric – Slow start (though he did called it pre-race on slip-streaming front) then just no luck with the engine front (not sure what “Fail 38” technically is, but it presents itself as smoke billowing out the back and no power);

ê   The guy SkyF1 interviewed in the build-up with the McLaren tattoo on his back – He was even mocked for the F1 logo having changed;

ê   Folk with stadium section ‘seats’ – There didn’t appear to be an seats, just concrete with numbers painted on it..... I’ve been asked not to turn this into a stadium blog;

ê   Fernando Alonso – Inadvertently, this week’s (first) victim of the Force India wrecking crew;

ê   Sergio Perez – Going out with a whimper;

Frases Divertidas (Funny things said)

ê   “Slower than a slow thing” – Martin Brundle describing Kimi’s Ferrari going through a corner;

ê   “Just Focus” – Ghoulish Gasly put in his place by his engineer;

ê   “Vettel just past Hamilton. Hamilton isn’t happy” – Red Bull update Daniel Ricciardo with a touch of mirth

ê   “Hey Lewis, congrats man. That’s how you do it, baby! Just like I taught you” – Will Smith ruins Hamilton’s championship party by talking guff

Indian GP - "We'll talk about it afterwards"

Apologies if you followed the tweet-a-long but this is pretty much a duplication.

Yep

Massa - did not think I would be tweeting about him leading a race ever again
Jump starts - very retro
Alonso's 1571 helmet - the number of points he has scored (the most ever), nice to see he is investing in a helmet he'll be able to use for a few races
Sutil - the new tyre master, 40 laps on one set
Bottas - holding off several big name drivers during the race
Real mix of teams in top 5
No radio codes - Rocky's message to Vettel: "Raikkonen's on new tyres, he's going to obliterate your lap"
Sporting men on the podium - Rosberg and Grosjean did a good job of celebrating with Vettel rather than sulks and dark looks

Nope

Vettel's Eurotrash roots - perhaps he can get them touched up with his championship win bonus
Eurotrash sunglasses - as sported by Massa, Raikkonen and Alonso
Smog - radios not working, medical helicopters couldn't take off, Rosberg's white overalls were absolutely manky
No sign of penalties for Vettel - abandoning the car on track, running around on track and doughnuts - if Webber had done that...?
Tyre gambling - Kimi needs to break the addiction, he can't make it work and it ruins his results
DRS passes - boring
Button's strategy - if he gets anywhere higher than 16th position during the race, the team call him into the pits

Indian GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,258
2. What up Bianchi? - 1,148
3. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 1,141
4. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,138
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 926
6. Still Chewing - 924
7. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 908
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 867
9. Hippy F1 - 770
10. The Sutil Knife - 772
11. The Pitstop Princess - 762
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 705
13. Superstars - 704
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 635
15. The Dark Button - 459
16. The Baldy Biker - 458
17. Year of the Tifosi - 455
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 438

New for the Indian GP!

Thought I'd try something new for the next Beeb race - interactivity.  I'll be tweeting along to the next race - hashtag TBA.  Follow me at @pitstopprincess for international banter.  I'll be in London, the race is at a reasonably civilised 8.30am and it's my last chance of the season.  Let's give it a whirl.

India GP - "Thank you each and everyone one of you, wherever you are"

Can we believe Bernie is 82 years old?  I hope I am still running a billion dollar business when I am that old.  I suppose I shall have to as that will be well below the age required to claim my pension.

Other people were also celebrating this weekend.  Massa had bought himself some new sunglasses to celebrate getting a new contract with Ferrari (!!!???).  Karthikeyan and Force India received more television coverage than they had cumulatively had all season.  Raikkonen is still third in the championship, rumour has it if he succeeds even less and still achieves third in the championship, he might smile.

Every silver lining is another man's cloud though.  Webber's body language on the podium was that of a man unsure where he was on the hangman's scaffold or Grand Prix podium.  Schumacher scored his eighth retirement out of sixteen races.

I leave you with a couple of musings.  Why are we calling "towing" "drafting" now?  Why isn't the atmosphere good in McLaren at the moment and how does Alonso know?

India GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Alonso - for his first lap overtake of the McLarens
2. (new entry) Bangra dancing - on the podium, much more interesting than the clapping ladies
3. (re-entry) Damon Hill - back after a two race absence
4. (new entry) Shiny helmets - Hamilton went all Bollywood

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) DRS - yet again negating any good racing happening
2. (new entry) Punctures - as suffered by Schumi, Maldonado and Perez and doing nothing to make the race more interesting
3. (new entry) Crazy frog - another good reason why Vettel should not be allowed to win races
4. (new entry) Sam Michael's nipples - could Mr Boss please design him a different shirt?

India GP Results

1. Better the Vettel you know - 961
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 904
3. Wyld Stallyns - 871
4. The Pitstop Princess - 866
5. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 862
6. White Jeans - 850
7. Still Chewing - 840
8. La Pic di Resta - 809
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 796
10. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 711
11. Hippy F1 - 699
12. Crash of the Titans - 682
13. Parkes Winners - 670
14. The Lord of the Wings - 658
15. Ferrari Fanatic - 625
16. Push Pete's Button - 621
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 610

Indian GP - "You led every lap, pole position, fastest lap. Not bad."

Well, I was going to open with a comment about Hamilton being a penalty-magnet and then, shock of the season, Massa took the penalty. That didn't stop Hamilton being pretty despondent though (although given that particularly negative debrief he was given publicly over the radio, no wonder). Which was inappropriate really because all our sympathies lie with poor Karun Chandhok, who had been promised a drive at his home race only to be cruelly denied in favour of the hapless Trulli.

In the Ferrari garage, it's a surprise the mechanics have overalls, as their suitcases must have been full of front wings. On top of that, Massa doesn't seem to be learning from his mistakes.

At the end of the day, it was time, yet again, to watch Vettel (rhymes with "kettle") drink champagne from his trophy, taking the opportunity to try out a new celebration.

Indian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Vettel's helmet - covered with his engineers, nicely done.

2. (new entry) 2 Torro Rossos in Q3 - remember you can replace the team name Minardi for Torro Rosso.

3. (new entry) Raikkonen to drive for Williams chat - too exciting!

4. (re-entry) Awful puns - such as Eddie's "A Paddock to India". Chortle.

5. (new entry) Hulkenberg - now sponsored by Katjes, the producer of my favourite childhood sweets! (Is this the money he's bringing to Force India next year for a seat?)

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) McLaren's qualifying overalls - moving ever closer to romper suits.

2. (new entry) 2 US races soon in 2012 - I can see the days coming when there are no European races.

3. (new entry) Hamilton's hemlet - nothing says "India" more than Bob Marley.

4. (new entry) Brundles commentary - has he been saving "Who's vindaloo and who's korma?" all year?

5. (new entry) Lotus - for beating Williams. Sob.

Indian GP - Results

1. Besta di Resta - 1,056

2. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 1,037

3. Stil Chewing - 1,024

4. The Pitstop Princess - 945

5. Trulli Scrumptious - 933

6. Gurning Rubber - 921

7. The Best Team - 917

8. Lord of the Wings - 885

9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 837

10. Must do better... - 767

11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 754

12. Ferrari Fanatic - 579

13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 456

14. Hippy F1 - 449