Monday, 16 April 2018

China GP - "Clinical moves, cut throat, scary"

The two Rs have looked promising for a while.  Raikkonen keeps showing his teeth and then lowering his tail when it comes to actually racing.  It looks like he's pedaling for the money.  Red Bull even told Verstappen to do the opposite of whatever he does (turns out that is crashing into cars rather than letting them overtake you).  Ricciardo however, brought everything to this race.  He gains 15 points for fastest lap and 15 points for making up the most places.

For a long time, I thought I would have nothing to write about this race other than I'm not sure whether pit stops should be called stops any more as they barely seem to brake.  The mind boggles.

Then, half way through, the Toro Rossos collided, sending Gasly from hero to zero as he crashed into his team mate, drove through his own litter, brought out the safety car, had a massive stop and then a 10 second penalty.  The race was wide open. With ten laps to go, Verstappen damaged Vettel and my points haul disappeared altogether and brought out the now traditional world champion whinging.

I think three races in, we can safely say that Mercedes aren't dominant this year...and neither are Ferrari...

Any volunteers for a guest blog for Azerbaijan?  Email me please.

China GP - Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 177
2. Halo, baby! - 173*
3= Give it some Gasly! - 151
3= Two World Champions, Two Future World Champions, and um, Two Other Guys - 151
5. Hasstag#FaceBull - 148
6. Spa Day with a Shooey - 140
7. The Pitstop Princess - 129
8. No Vices Now - 114
9= Evel Marque - 105
9= Maximum Attack! - 105
11. The Hopefulls - 91
12. Jack Johnson - 88
13. Hippy F1 - 69
14. Wheels on Fire - 33

*Home track played

Friday, 13 April 2018

Bahrain GP - guest blog!

Editor: please welcome Wheels on Fire for this race's commentary.  I'm assuming that it is for Bahrain and not very very late.

It was at Abu Dhabi: Oh, yes, it was!


Once again the circus rolled into town with its baggage train, its barkers and grinders proffering for our entertainment a spectacle which not even No Vices Now­* could sleep through. The first Act consisted of Verstappen (stupid boy!) giving us his polished performance of trying to bully the other contestants into giving way to him, with the usual consequences of damaging his car and whingeing about it afterwards to anyone who would listen. Shame Hamilton has learned how to parry his thrusts.

Several novelty acts entertained us as the show rolled along, but surely the most thrilling was the high wire act starring Pierre Gasley who not only started from a good grid position but managed to hang on as others tried to put him off and finished his turn with a startling 4th place. We would in future prefer not to see any more mechanics damaged in the course of their duties and we hope that Ferrari give their employees private healthcare to make being off sick bearable.

The tightrope walk at the end of the performance kept us all awake to the end, the Ringmaster shouting to Vettel: he’s behind you! (Oh no, wrong type of show, sorry.) But he was and lucky, lucky Vettel managed to bluff his way through to the end and hang on to his prime billing, the highest step on the podium and a nice big trophy to show for his trouble.

*A new comparison has been born to add to the area of Wales, the length of London buses and size of the blue whale: how long it takes No Vices Now to drop off to sleep during a Grand Prix.

Bahrain GP - Results

1. Halo, baby! - 147*
2. The Pitstop Princess - 103
3= Give it some Gasly - 97
3= Two World Champions, Two Future World Champions, and um, Two Other Guys - 97
5. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 81
6. No Vices Now - 78
7. The Hopefulls - 73
8= Evel Marque - 65
8= Maximum Attack! - 65
10. Spa Day with a Shooey - 64
11. HassTag#FaceBull - 57
12. Jack Johnson - 54
13. Hippy F1 - 47
14. Wheels on Fire - 20

* Home track played

Monday, 26 March 2018

Australia GP - "Bella stragegia"

It was a poor start to the season.  Whilst still in recovery from viewing Hamilton and Vettel's back to school haircuts and Hamilton's encroaching American accent, Halo, Baby! and I found ourselves cheering on Vettel to take pole.  How times change.

The subsequent press conference between Hamilton, Raikkonen and Vettel promises an interesting year ahead and some good battles to come.

Much was made of Mercedes' "party mode" but it seems that the top teams are closer than they have been for a while.  Elsewhere on the pitlane, the cars dropped like flies, Sirotkin, then the Haas's to door-slamming frustration.  At least Alonso made 5th, let's hope he spices up the racing.

Vettel bounded up the stairs after the race, hoping to show that 58 laps is nothing to him.  Hamilton claimed he was "saving the engine" in the face of the track not allowing overtaking.  Despite Webber's pleas the crowd still booed Hamilton.  I think this is the year that panto arrives at F1, what will the Americans make of that?

So what will the season ahead bring?  And will I ever be able to distinguish between Sauber and Williams' liveries?

Now I'm looking for a volunteer for the commentary next race...let me know if you're up for it.