The Pitstop Princess is delighted to welcome you to the first Guest Post. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing was delegated the responsibility of reporting and charting the Singapore GP.
Singapore, the new Monaco; Singapore, the Monaco of the
future; Singapore, the Monaco of the East....... Let’s be honest though, folks,
on track it’s usually a better circuit for the viewer than it’s Mediterranean
idol.
Sky have been chomping at the bit for this race, having used
it in their promos for the past 10 months. However, I watched it on BBC – it
was a buy-off between BBC’s painful opening skits (Dragon boats? Really?) and
Sky punctuating their elongated build-up with ‘tributes to drivers who die in
horrible ways’ features. Plus it’s always fun watching drivers flirt with Lee
McKenzie, especially when they’re testing the new F1 video game, which is now
on the Xmas present list [AEEDR has sufficient sports video games, please do not feed the animal. - Ed].
Qually had the now regular not-so-shocking “shocks” - Kimi
struggling, Massa not turning up - but Q3 was overall painfully dull. Aside
from Pastor’s “shock” in getting to the front row AND staying there (he’s
usually got a grid penalty in the bag), and Grosjean (AKA Beaker from the
Muppets) trying to kill himself, the only other point of interest was when I
sat on the remote and ended up viewing a “to upgrade to this channel” screen.
It was more enjoyable than watching cars sitting in the garages.
Amazingly, the race itself started without major incident
(I’m assuming a Caterham team collision isn’t classed as major) and the
incessant safety car predictions commenced. After that, the common problem with
street circuits - that they’re too slow overall to produce good racing, reliant
on DRS (diminished reality system) and pitting to produce changes in order -
came to the forefront. By lap 20 or so, both myself and Fernando Alonso were
wishing Nelson Pique Jr. was still in F1 to mix up this race. Where Monza two
weeks ago flew in, this one was dragging early on.
McLaren’s tactic of providing one of their drivers with a
faulty car lead to the first real moment of note, costing Hamilton a lead that
only Vettel looked like taking. As the
race reached the halfway point, Fernando and Pastor lit things up with some
brilliant wheel-to-wheel racing... But the pointless Karthikeyan, his HRT and the
subsequent safety car (who had lap 33?) put pay to that. That said, Pastor
driving while being told his car was gubbed and Button trying to dink Vettel
did add something to the ten minute procession.
The safety car interlude was clearly enjoyed by Mr
Schumacher alot, as he got it back out within 30 seconds of the restart by rear-ending Vergne. One wonders why Schumi didn’t get a race
ban, since that crash was even more reckless than Grosjean’s in Spa and he also
mounted a car in Barca this year.
On re-restart, Massa and Senna took over from their more
illustrious teammates in providing some drama. Filipe’s form is slowly
improving and at this rate he’ll have a drive next year. Obviously, not with
Ferrari. In other news, we found out that team orders are in use at Lotus,
though the team waited until after some aggressive racing to tell the drivers.
Once it was announced Old Father Time (Bernie?) would bring
this race to an unnatural end, some thrilling, if messy, midfield battling ensued.
However, no main challenger changes occurred and Vettel walked away with an
anticlimactic win. Following the rarely seen countdown clock, the obligatory
excuses, bitching and team move rumours followed...
When all is said and done, Sky’s marketing dept were right
that cars do look pretty under the lights.
Chart of Lust1. (new entry) Sparks flying under the cars – Gets the pulse rate going
2. (new entry) Flashing lights on Vettel's helmet - It’s nice that he let the Girl Guides decorate it [Girl Guides prefer a copious spread of sparkly stickers - Ed.]
3. (new entry) Williams v Ferrari – Provided the best wheel-to-wheel in ages
4. (new race) Night race – Purely because I hate getting up early for the other Asian races
5. (ne entry) Fireworks – Makes every race win feel like the Superbowl and Wrestlemania
Chart of Loathing
1. (Re-entry) Cool vests
- Honestly, man up! If I have to work in a stuffy office because old women
need the heating jacked up then you can sit in a car and live with being a wee
bit clammy, Jenson!2. (new entry) Jake going to BT – I like him, he’s non-threatening and relatable... [Am seriously considering how things stand between us - Ed.]
3. (new entry) Slow corners – Doesn’t make for good racing
4. (new entry) Back marker passing under safety car – Takes too long and fighting through back markers makes for an added twist
5. (new entry) Blisters on the bum – Some vulgar filler-chat from DC
