Singapore slinging - "brilliant drive"

Hamilton and Massa's get-togethers were a small effort to enliven the race but even the twinkling lights couldn't make this year's event shine. Schumacher tried to make the race more interesting by bringing on the safety car, retire old man. Lastly, I must ask, Sebastian Who? Lots of chat about him before and after the race but nothing during.

Singapore Charts

A short version this week:

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Sparkling helmets - sported by Alonso and Vettel, glittering under the floodlights

2. (new entry) Fireworks - ooooooohhhh

3. (new entry) Safety car - it nearly brought about interesting racing

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Talking about sweating - isn't this a polite, civilised sport?

2. (new entry) Alonso - letting the Pitstop Princess down at her hometrack. Epic fail.

3. (re-entry) Vetelle - it's "Vettel as in kettle"

Singapore GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 876

2= Still Chewing - 861

2= Besta di Resta - 861

4. Trulli Scrumptious - 774

5. Gurning Rubber - 772

6. The Pitstop Princess - 771

7. The Best Team - 762

8. Lord of the Wings - 753

9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 690

10. Must Do Better... - 649

11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 580

12. Ferrari Fanatic - 490

13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 379

14. Hippy F1 - 377

Insight into McLaren HQ

Through Twitter, McLaren have let us know all their little inside "jokes". Here's some of the technical jargon used at their space-age lair in Woking:

Wheel pizza - the slimline wheels used for transportation
Bridge of doom - FIA weighbridge
Trackshack - mobile track office for flyaways
Cake tins - circular brake housings

Hilarious. What made us laugh before Twitter? McLaren PR should do a show in Edinburgh next year, undiscovered talent there.

Italian GP - "Thank you boys"

This race seemed to give one teammate great results and leave the other in the doldrums.  Webber crashed into Massa (why wasn't that investigated?) and will probably have to support race-winner Vettel now.  Barrichello was taken out by Liuzzi in the first corner, but Maldonado went from 14th to 6th on the first lap.  Button overtook Schumi given one chance and ended up on the podium whilst Hamilton couldn't get past him.  Rosberg was also a victim of Liuzzi but Schumacher went on to have a storming race, regaining some more of his previous notoriety.  Petrov, yet another Liuzzi victim but his team mate put the Senna name on the list of points scorers for the first time since Australia 1993.

Italian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Alonso - for that start
2. (re-entry) Parents - Mamma Button looked super happy, Pape Vettel did not for some reason
Angry Ross Brawn - quite funny
3. (re-entry) Brundle's phrases - "complete carnage" (in the first corner, not quite, Martin) and "teflonso" (nothing sticks)
4. (new entry) FoM TV's new feature - what does Alesi think?
5. (new entry) The podium - every track's podium should be for a fans, especially so Alonso can pour champagne over them.

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) Qualifying - Vettel on pole, boring, boring, boring.
2. (new entry) Vettel - winning races shouldn't be boring.
3. (new entry) That old chestnut - in particular, "I'd rather be 11th on the grid and be able to choose my tyres and than in the top ten shoot-out".  This time spun by Paul di Resta.
4. (new entry) Media Training - Hamilton now gives one-word answers about Schumi's driving, probably best as his words won't come back to bite him.  At least Button tells it like it is.  We should also comment on those sunglasses, he looked like a fly.
5. (down 1) McLaren's qualifying overalls - someone has been drawing on them

Italian GP - Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 822
2. Still Chewing - 807
3. Besta di Resta - 784
4. Gurning Rubber - 724
5. Trulli Scrumptious - 722
6. The Best Team - 715
7. Lord of the Wings - 675
8. The Pitstop Princess - 667
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 638
10. Must Do Better... - 607
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 519
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 474
13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 349
14. Hippy F1 - 344

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Charlie Brooker's take on F1

Click on the title for another great Brooker article.