Indian GP - "You led every lap, pole position, fastest lap. Not bad."

Well, I was going to open with a comment about Hamilton being a penalty-magnet and then, shock of the season, Massa took the penalty. That didn't stop Hamilton being pretty despondent though (although given that particularly negative debrief he was given publicly over the radio, no wonder). Which was inappropriate really because all our sympathies lie with poor Karun Chandhok, who had been promised a drive at his home race only to be cruelly denied in favour of the hapless Trulli.

In the Ferrari garage, it's a surprise the mechanics have overalls, as their suitcases must have been full of front wings. On top of that, Massa doesn't seem to be learning from his mistakes.

At the end of the day, it was time, yet again, to watch Vettel (rhymes with "kettle") drink champagne from his trophy, taking the opportunity to try out a new celebration.

Indian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Vettel's helmet - covered with his engineers, nicely done.

2. (new entry) 2 Torro Rossos in Q3 - remember you can replace the team name Minardi for Torro Rosso.

3. (new entry) Raikkonen to drive for Williams chat - too exciting!

4. (re-entry) Awful puns - such as Eddie's "A Paddock to India". Chortle.

5. (new entry) Hulkenberg - now sponsored by Katjes, the producer of my favourite childhood sweets! (Is this the money he's bringing to Force India next year for a seat?)

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) McLaren's qualifying overalls - moving ever closer to romper suits.

2. (new entry) 2 US races soon in 2012 - I can see the days coming when there are no European races.

3. (new entry) Hamilton's hemlet - nothing says "India" more than Bob Marley.

4. (new entry) Brundles commentary - has he been saving "Who's vindaloo and who's korma?" all year?

5. (new entry) Lotus - for beating Williams. Sob.

Indian GP - Results

1. Besta di Resta - 1,056

2. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 1,037

3. Stil Chewing - 1,024

4. The Pitstop Princess - 945

5. Trulli Scrumptious - 933

6. Gurning Rubber - 921

7. The Best Team - 917

8. Lord of the Wings - 885

9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 837

10. Must do better... - 767

11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 754

12. Ferrari Fanatic - 579

13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 456

14. Hippy F1 - 449

Korean GP - "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes"

Or no.

Firstly, can someone tell me what are all these "difficulties" that Hamilton is suffering from? As far as I can see, he has a supportive network of family, friends and colleagues. He is driving the second best car in F1. He is loaded. Is it because he is......No. Is it because Button has had his contract renewed? Is it because whinge is his default state?

Changes to the build-up this race included no Eddie Jordan, which meant Jake had to find a different person to play with and Karun Chandock always talks sense. Approved. Unusually for this time of the year, there was no "whose going where" chat. Apparantly 20 drivers are lined up for the two seats at Williams, that must make us the most popular choice in the pit lane. Yay. I have decided that I prefer races that go down to the wire. It means we don't get endless "Vettel is champion" packages. Then, having seen far too much of him before the race, we saw nothing of him during the race.

My closing question to you all is what did Alonso's "I give up. I give up." message mean?

Until the next race, never mind the bollards.

Korean GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Vettel praising the Renault engine - if Red Bull can achieve so much with it, just imagine what Williams will do!

2. (new entry) Hamilton on pole - just because he's not driving a Red Bull.

3.(new entry) Top 5 times - so close, makes it that wee bit more exciting.

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Korea - why? Bring back one of the classic European races.

2. (re-entry) Tyre chat - booooooring

3. (re-entry) Clapping ladies - this time, nearly naked, enough now Bernie.

4. (re-entry) Trophy - or weapon?

5. (new entry) Red Bull's awful choice of music - money can't buy you taste.

Korean GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 985

2. Besta di Resta - 982

3. Still Chewing - 972

4. The Pitstop Princess - 889

5. Gurning Rubber - 886

6. Trulli Scrumptious - 877

7. Lord of the Wings - 847

8. The Best Team - 846

9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 785

10. Must do better... - 730

11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 712

12. Ferrari Fanatic - 554

13. Hippy F1 - 431

14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 421

Japanese GP - "We took nothing forgranted and we did it"

Brundle "thoroughly enjoyed" the race, I'm not sure I concur. Perhaps it was the intermittent coverage and the fact that their was so much overtaking they couldn't broadcast it all.

Massa and Hamilton continue to rehearse their pantomime parts as sworn enemies. Altogether now: "He's behind you!"

I finished my viewing slightly disappointed by the lack of hugs, only a mere helmet pat or two.

Japanese GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Vettel - a brilliant and ruthless start and now champion

2. (new entry) F1 puppets - all I want for Christmas...

3. (re-entry) Kobabashi - bearing the weight of Japanese expectations

4.(new entry) Tension - in the pre-podium room, the watch and hat guy should have a special knife to cut it with.

Chart of Loathing

Tyre saving - we want to see you qualify..fix this FIA.

Red Bull costumes - by far the worst fancy dress I've seen for a long time

Shoddy BBC coverage - perhaps Brundle thought it was such a good race because he saw all of it rather than the sketchy shots we received?

Japanese GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 927

2. Besta di Resta - 915

3.Still Chewing - 914

4. Trulli Scrumptious - 819

5. The Pitstop Princess - 816

6. Gurning Rubber - 814

7. The Best Team - 802

8. Lord of the Wings - 800

9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 735

10. Must do better... - 682

11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 655

12. Ferrari Fanatic - 528

13. Hippy F1 - 419

14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 406