Sunday, 24 October 2010

Korea Charts

Chart of Lust

1. Stewards bank of television screens - that's where I'd like to watch the race from.
2. Rubber galoshes - very practical.
3. FIA announcer - "Well done gentlemen", maintaining that cool, hip vibe the marketing folk have spent so long garnering.
4. (re-entry) Rain - I got a lot of knitting done today.
5. (down 2) Comebacks - Schumacher, at last, there's no fun in despising him when he just keeps proving the point.

Chart of Loathing

1. Bunch of jesse's - get out there and race. Some of us live in Scotland, where this is the norm.
2. Mission Control - really? It's a room with no window,s full of geeks in grey who aren't important enough to spend the money shipping them to the race.
3. Ozzies - Rosberg was doing so well!
4. Rain - it's raining, it's poring, the audience is snoring.
5. Shots of cute Korean kids - would like to see some racing please, TV director. Oh no, there isn't any of that to show is there?

Korea GP Banter - "Beautiful. Beautiful. Avanti Ferrari avanti."

Well I hope you didn't get up at crazy o'clock to watch a lot of not-racing? Even DC thought it was embarrassing that the best drivers in the world, in the most sophisticated cars were following around a modified road car through a spot of precipitation. And it's not often you'll catch me agreeing with The Jaw. Perhaps weather forecasting should be banned, that way they'd all go out and just see what happened.

In an effort to stop the EJ-DC bickering, the two had been separated by thousands of miles by sending DC to Woking to sit in "Mission Control" at McLaren HQ. Did this make coverage any better? Nope. We just had DC on a time delay despite the fact that he was in the same country as us. I assume he is no longer a Red Bull employee and this was all an elaborate way to get an mole inside their rival's offices.

Overall the BBC's coverage was particularly disappointing, what with the endless, uninspired footage about the 5 championship contenders, DC starting every sentence with "It's fascinating..." and Ledgard mistaking Rosberg (in a yellow helmet and white suit) for Webber (in a blue helmet and blue suit). There was no explanation of Petrov's retirement or of Hulkenberg overtaking Alguasauri for points.

At the close of the race Red Bull had failed to win the constructor's championship and Williams failed to overtake Force India, despite running 5th and 6th until very nearly the nail-biting end. Webber also confirmed just how poor his driving is in wet conditions. A fact that those of us who sat in the rain watching him spin in front of us over and over again at Silverstone in 2008 will confirm. Certain people will also be pleased that Schumacher finally delivered the goods with a solid points finish. One of only 15 drivers that did finish.

Korea Caption Competition

Please post your entry as a comment...

Korea GP Results - Revised

1. Liuzzi goes bananas - 915
2. Que Senna Senna - 906
3. Blood on the tracks - 825
4. The Lord of the Wings - 785
5. Chew Chew Joe - 754
6. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 737
7. Hippy F1 - 714
8. The Young and the Restless - 683
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 674
10. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 648
11= You will never see me in Lederhosen - 645
11= The Pitstop Princess - 645
13. Wheely wheely fast - 534
14. Ferrari Fanatic - 278

Sorry. If children could teach themselves, then I'd have brainspace for this malarky.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Japan GP Results

1. Que Senna Senna - 866
2. Liuzzi goes bananas - 834
3. Blood on the tracks - 792
4. The Lord of the Wings - 766
5. Chew Chew Joe - 729
6. Hippy F1 - 688
7. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 679
8. The Young and the Restless - 653
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 647
10. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 619
11. The Pitstop Princess - 597
12. Wheely wheely fast - 516
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 251

Monday, 11 October 2010

Japan Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Nicknames - am going to steal "Kobabashi"
2. (new entry) Disappearance of the clapping ladies - looks like Gurning Rubber, Blood on the tracks and Liuzzi goes banana's wish was granted!
3. (new entry) F1-engineered paper boats - a new twist on traditional Japanese origami.
4. (new entry) 5 Live coverage - don't know if you too got a period of McNish and someone else from 5 Live instead of Ledgard and Brundle but I might press the red button next race as they were pretty good.
5. (new entry) Lee Mackenzie - professional, grown-up, knowledgeable...everything Jake is not.

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Bloody amateurs - Petrov and Massa namely. Any word of a penalty yet?
2. (new entry) Wheel loss - is it too much to ask that cars are able to retain four wheels? Looks like the stewards have been focusing on whether wings flex too much and taken their eye of the important balls.
3. (new entry) Adrian Newey - perhaps we could make him design cars blindfold to make F1 more competitive?
4. (new entry) Mystery pit lane woman - who made interviewing drivers sound like it was ruining an otherwise lovely holiday in Japan.
5. (new entry) Di Grassi - bad luck anyone who picked him.

Japanese Joshing - "Woo hoo. Yes"

With the Scots taking over Formula 1 coverage this weekend, I'm very surprised that DC and Jordan did not behave more like kids with a supply teacher and seemed to reach consensus on every issue. The lovely Lee Mackenzie provided a refreshing change from the eager puppy dog Jake Humphries and gave him a masterclass on how to fill two hours of live television about the rain (I suppose she is uniquely qualified, being one of the aforementioned Scots) without getting in anybody's way at all. There's plenty to look forward to coming up on the Beeb's coverage through, Brundle tells us: "We have a very interesting feature coming up on wheelnuts".

It was another Grand Prix where Williams started very well (top 5 in Q1) and slowly slid further down the order as the weekend progressed but we closed the gap to Force India, despite Petrov's best efforts.

Hamilton's run of bad luck continued in Japan, losing third gear during the race. Where did you last use it dear? Schumi continues to play second fiddle to the lovely Rosberg, unable to overtake him, even with team orders on his side. As we return to the dull days of Red Bull One-Twos, it looks like the racing is set to be boring for the remainder of the season. Alonso believes that podiums (podia?) will be enough to win the championship and everyone else will be too scared to do any daring does in case they end up DNF. Let's hope Kubica, Massa, Rosberg, Barrichello or any other outsider suddenly has a surge of form and makes it interesting.

Saturday, 9 October 2010

Competition & Apologies

As I write from London, I write with a contrite heart. I have left the pen drive with the FF1 spreadsheet back in Glasgow. So there won't be any results up until Thursday, at least.

However, I will still post the commentary and here is a competition to keep your spirit's up:

Question: With rain postponing qualifying, what other methods could the FIA use to order drivers on the grid?

Answers: Length of beard? Length of service? Canoe? Paper boat design?

Please post any of your answers as a comment.