Wednesday, 31 October 2012

India GP - "Thank you each and everyone one of you, wherever you are"

Can we believe Bernie is 82 years old?  I hope I am still running a billion dollar business when I am that old.  I suppose I shall have to as that will be well below the age required to claim my pension.

Other people were also celebrating this weekend.  Massa had bought himself some new sunglasses to celebrate getting a new contract with Ferrari (!!!???).  Karthikeyan and Force India received more television coverage than they had cumulatively had all season.  Raikkonen is still third in the championship, rumour has it if he succeeds even less and still achieves third in the championship, he might smile.

Every silver lining is another man's cloud though.  Webber's body language on the podium was that of a man unsure where he was on the hangman's scaffold or Grand Prix podium.  Schumacher scored his eighth retirement out of sixteen races.

I leave you with a couple of musings.  Why are we calling "towing" "drafting" now?  Why isn't the atmosphere good in McLaren at the moment and how does Alonso know?

India GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Alonso - for his first lap overtake of the McLarens
2. (new entry) Bangra dancing - on the podium, much more interesting than the clapping ladies
3. (re-entry) Damon Hill - back after a two race absence
4. (new entry) Shiny helmets - Hamilton went all Bollywood

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) DRS - yet again negating any good racing happening
2. (new entry) Punctures - as suffered by Schumi, Maldonado and Perez and doing nothing to make the race more interesting
3. (new entry) Crazy frog - another good reason why Vettel should not be allowed to win races
4. (new entry) Sam Michael's nipples - could Mr Boss please design him a different shirt?

India GP Results

1. Better the Vettel you know - 961
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 904
3. Wyld Stallyns - 871
4. The Pitstop Princess - 866
6. White Jeans - 850
7. Still Chewing - 840
8. La Pic di Resta - 809
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 796
10. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 711
11. Hippy F1 - 699
12. Crash of the Titans - 682
13. Parkes Winners - 670
14. The Lord of the Wings - 658
15. Ferrari Fanatic - 625
16. Push Pete's Button - 621
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 610

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Korean GP Banter - "woohoo"

As Jake said when closing the BBC coverage, not a classic race but jiggles up the championship.

It kicked off with Grosjean eating a hefty slice of humble pie but he managed to keep his slate clean during this race.  To keep the crashes coming, Kobabashi returned to old form.  Unfortunately, he took out a couple of drivers who could have made the race interesting.  Instead the only thing that made it interesting was Hulkenberg and feral astroturf.

Going in to the last five races, things have become sadly predictable Schumacher-style, Vettel is going to dominate and everyone else will process along behind him.  Let's home that Webber finally cracks and disobeys team orders, some miraculous new part sends Alonso's Ferrari into warp speed or it rains a lot.

Korean GP - Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Monisha Kaltenborn - first female team principal
2. (new entry) Hulkenberg - my driver of the day for that double overtake round the outside of Hamilton and Grosjean
3. (new entry) Vettel's water-bottle carrier - would be very useful when I'm teaching to have someone on hand to pass me my water

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Bedward - unable to recognise cars, which I would have thought would have been an "essential" on the job description:  "Senna's on a lap, what can he achieve" - on the screen he's driving in the pits
2. (new entry) Gangyam Style - please no more, a peculiarly Asian-style of torture - the most painful....stick with it
3. (new entry) Beeb build-up - a poor combination of the above, a compilation of Grosjean's Greatest Hits and Coulthard informing us that to be quick a driver needs to take the racing line
4. (new entry) Johnny Herbert - the barrel continues to be scraped for podium interviewers
5. (new entry) Rubber in slotgaps - enough already

Korean GP Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 854
2. The Pitstop Princess - 818
3. Wyld Stallyns - 807
4. Better the Vettel you know - 801
5. White Jeans - 788
7. Still Chewing - 777
8. La Pic di Resta - 769
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 740
10. Crash of the Titans - 650
11. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 642
12. Hippy F1 - 634
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 619
14. Parke's Winners - 614
15. Push Pete's Button - 599
16. The Lord of the Wings - 593
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 559

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Japan GP - "Yes, baby. Yes, baby."

Following a couple of first corner incidents, the rest of the race was fairly processional.  With the early start, this did mean that dozing off didn't matter so much.  The excitement of those first eight races has wained now.  It was a race for those that needed it though.  Vettel has closed the gap to Alonso in the world championship, Kobayashi may secure his drive at Sauber for next year after getting on the podium and Massa did the same to start his campaign for his Ferrari seat, Schumacher climbed the most places from his grid start, to try and prove that his un-retirement wasn't pointless.  Judging from his qualifying he seems to be getting used to being a slow, Sunday driver ready for his second retirement.

When it was all over, Massa showed how long it has been since he was last on the podium by tripping over it and spilling his champagne.  Grosjean looked like he was about to cry, apparently not crashing "was his objective" and it was a "stupid crash".  A crash nonetheless and ruined what could have been an up, close and pacy race.

Japan GP - Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Kobayashi - the man of the moment
2. (new entry) Straight talking - as heard from Raikkonen ("I spun...I don't care about the others.") and Webber ("first lap nutcase Grosjean")
3. (new entry) Bacon sandwiches - essential snackage for early races, thank you Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing
4. (new entry) No clapping ladies - thank you Suzuka for a dignified approach
5. (re-entry) Nico Rosberg - despite an awful race (or lack of it), he went to see Kobayashi on the podium

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Bullying - Johnny Herbert advocates the GPDA sitting Grosjean down and telling him how bad a driver he is
2. (new entry) Jean Alesi - scraping the barrel for interviewers on the podium and while we're discussing it, they should also be in the local language
3. (new entry) No Damon Hill - just Ant and Johnny
4. (new entry) Ant's crush - returning to Sky for this race, we can see Ant's unrequited love for Georgie blossoming

Japan GP Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 807
2. The Pitstop Princess - 759
3. Wyld Stallyns - 757
4. White Jeans - 756
5. Still Chewing - 751
6. Better the Vettel you know - 727
7. La Pic di Resta - 725
9. Sebastian Vettel's High-Flying Turds - 681
10. Crash of the Titans - 631
11= Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 609
11= Ferrari Fanatic - 609
13. Push Pete's Button - 598
14. Hippy F1 - 585
15. Parke's Winners - 579
16. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 550
17. The Lord of the Wings - 544