Sunday, 30 May 2010

Turkey Caption Competition

Now I have more time on my hands, I thought the caption competition should rear it's ugly head again? What are Lewis Hamilton and Mark Webber saying to each other? Please post entries as a comment.

Turkey Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Intrigue - how will this team rivalry play out?
2. (new entry) Pitstop overtaking - the only excitement in the first half of the race, go Red Bull
3. (down 1) Adrian Newey - 7 poles in 7 races
4. (new entry )Metro - who call Robert Kubica "Bob Kub", my favourite nickname of the season
5. (new entry) Return of the caption competition - please please submit something

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Return of the Pussycat Doll - dramatics for the camera, if we ignore her she might go away
2. (new entry) The bunch of miserablists - submitted by Beauty & the F1 Geek, if you a race podium, please jump about a bit, or smile, or look a little bit pleased.
3. (new entry) Pierced ears - both of Lewis's done in some kind of LA-inspired madness, as Button said: "Each to their own" but then he has a tattoo of a button...
4. (new entry) Coded signals - what did Vettel mean by circling his ear with his index finger?
5. (new entry) Matching belts - DC and Jake, BFF.

Turkey Talk - "We pushed them and they cracked"

This was always a four horse race, we didn't anticipate the four horses turning on each other. As I type F1 geeky sorts are getting terrifically excited about the possibility that there were dark manoeuvrings in each team to promote one driver over the other. All sparked by driver mumblings on the podium.

If you're interested in the progress of McLaren or Red Bull it was a fairly interesting race to watch; if you're interested in the progress of Williams, you may as well have switched off. Roll on Canada. Although the Hulk did some nifty overtaking at the start of the race. There were a couple of false starts, action-wise, with rain expected imminently and arrived never and the potential of the McLarens running out of fuel and didn't. What did happen were some great team tangles. And I thought "Save fuel, same for both cars" was code for no overtaking, hold positions.

All this led to some very glum faces on the podium, where we got to see just how wee Hamilton is next to Button. Further curiosity ignited when Hamilton and Webber whispered during Button's interview. How rude! Show me how beautifully you can listen, please!

Red Bull boss, Horner, was largely "disappointed" and felt they had "handed 43 points on a plate to McLaren". McLaren boss, Whitmarsh, felt there was too much cuddling of the person who delivered that plate du jour. Further afield, Alonso and Massa had boring races. They clearly feel that a better car should be delivered to them rather than they pull their fingers out and get racing.

Turkey Results

1. Que Senna Senna - 398
2. The Lord of the Wings - 356
3. Hippy F1 - 337
4. Gurning Rubber - 324
5. The Pitstop Princess - 312
6= Blood on the tracks - 310
6= Liuzzi goes bananas - 310
8. The Young and the Restless - 308
9. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 280
10. You will never see me in Lederhosen - 275
11. Chew Chew Joe - 271
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 264
13. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 216
14. Wheely wheely fast - 214
15. Birley Chassis - 213
16. The Cake King - 201
17. Ferrari Fantatic - 109

Saturday, 22 May 2010

Boooooo to Monaco

Follow an investigation, Williams have concluded that Barrichello's spin/crash at Monaco was due to that pesky loose manhole cover at Turn 2. I no longer like the Monaco Grand Prix. This is official. I am making a complaint. Bonus points for Barrichello please.

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Monaco Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (static) Webber - bouncing like Tigger with joy on "the greatest day of his life"
2. (static) Adrian Newey - 6 poles in 6 races
3. (new entry) The camera mounted on Massa's car - amazing footage
4. (new entry) i-pads - as sported proudly by Jake, they seem to be featuring a lot in my life this week
5. (new entry) A boat - I know I made this joke last year, but I would still like one please, there are plenty of berths on the Clyde

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Ferrari jumpers - as sported by Fernando Alonso during Qualifying when he should have been wearing overalls and driving his car.
2. (new entry) Schoolboy errors - don't leave stuff in the car, it's Racing 101, McLaren
3. (down 1) Whinging - all the drivers this week, can we have fast and slow sections for qualifying? No.
4. (new entry) Slebs - I didn't identify Jennifer Lopez, Gerard Butler or Michael Douglas, from now on Beauty & the F1 Geek will write about the slebs at races as I lack the knowledge
5. (new entry) Austrian national anthem - the car is made in Milton Keynes!

Monaco Results

1. Que Senna Senna - 371
2= The Lord of the Wings - 283
2= Hippy F1 - 283
4. The Pitstop Princess - 275
5. Blood on the tracks - 267
6. Gurning Rubber - 262
7. Liuzzi goes bananas - 248
8. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 245
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 240
10. The Young and the Restless - 228
11. You will never see me in Lederhosen - 211
12. Chew Chew Joe - 210
13. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 207
14. Birley Chassis - 197
15. The Cake King - 179
16. Wheely wheely fast - 174
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 91

If you're wondering why Que Senna Senna is going soooooo well, it's because he's the only person who took a punt having Red Bull in their team.

Monaco - "Unbelievable"

I always had a hunch that Webber would win this race, he nearly did for Williams many moons ago. Williams do not seem to have much luck in the principality. When the safety car was deployed for the third time, I thought: "Well, it can't be a Williams this time". It was definitely a Williams Special today:, qualify very well, one car drops out quickly but other does better giving me much hope, then that one fails too. This is why I never choose Williams for my FF1 team, no I pinned all my hopes on Alonso doing well at Monaco. The message is: "If you find out that I've picked you for my team, just quit now whilst you're ahead and go rallying for a year."

As predicted in my last race post, Schumacher was truly back to his old wily ways. Firstly, blaming the lovely Nico Rosberg for ruining his first qualifying run and then just plain overtaking under the safety car. Fortunately, Damon Hill was on hand in the role of former-driver-steward. How he must have rubbed his hands and chuckled. Revenge is a dish best served with champagne.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

Spain Charts

Chart of Lust

1. Webber - partly due to his race-winning ways and partly at the request of Mrs Hippy F1
2. (re-entry) Adrian Newey - what can I do to lure you back to Williams?
3. (new entry) Spaniards - two in the top ten. F1 Reporting 101 - always remind the reader that Mansell said that a home crowd gives you an advantage of 1 second
4. (new entry) RBS - branding completely covered the Williams Pit Wall, if this is where our tax money goes I might start paying it again
5. (down 1) Clouds of ash - this time keeping Coulthard in Monaco and off our screens

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) BBC coverage - today we groan at the trite footage of Button going back to the town he grew up in
2. (re-entry) Whinging - Button not Hamilton this time. Why Jenson? It was Lewis whose tyre collapsed on the penultimate lap not you, who trapsed around behind a has-been.
3. (down 2) Facial furniture - doesn't Lewis read this blog?
4. (new entry) Telephones - enabling those stranded by clouds of ash to still contribute to F1 coverage
5. (new entry) Processional races - leaving me struggling for things to fill charts with

Spain Results

1. Que Senna Senna - 304
2. The Lord of the Wings - 233
3. Hippy F1 - 231
4. Gurning Rubber - 226
5. Blood on the tracks - 224
6. Mr Beauty & the F1 Geek - 213
7= The Young and the Restless - 212
7= Liuzzi goes bananas - 212
9. The Pitstop Princess - 211
10. Chew Chew Joe - 200
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 196
12. You will never see me in Lederhosen - 189
13. Wheely wheely fast - 167
14. Birley Chassis - 165
15. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 158
16. The Cake King - 155
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 77

Spain - "What a perfect weekend"

Well, the pole-sitter has gone on to win the last 10 races at Spain now, so the race outcome was fairly predictable. Making it far more interesting to see what Williams could do with their abysmal qualifying results. Ledgard described these as "shabby", which is the pot calling the kettle black. Qualifying also gave us a shot of Nick Heidfeld sat in the garage - remember him? I think I thought he was possibly still racing in F1, such little impact he made to the sport.

As has been predicted, Rosberg has finally been shafted by Schumacher, with Mercedes completely redesigning and rebuilding the car to suit Schumacher not Rosberg. It was a grim inevitability but this is what you get for leaving Williams. When he watches the race back he will be delighted to see how much coverage there was of his battle with the new Nico in Williams, for 15th and 16th positions.

The main chat about the race was all about left-hand adjustments / in-car driver hand movements, which are where the driver "uses their arm to cover an orifice" (Nick Fry). Or their knee. Thrilling. F1: where top-level motorsport meets one-man-bandery.

At the end of the race, Hamilton's hate-hate relationship with Spain came to fruition when he gifted homeboy Alonso second place when his tyre collapsed. Perhaps he should just miss this race annually?

And so we move on to Monaco, where Red Bull's supreme qualifying and race pace looks set to ensure another procession. Too many cars will be trying to squeeze onto too little track, those 6 new cars are going to have a blast trying to figure out how to stay on the track and out of the way at the same time. I wonder how Schumi is planning to cheat there this year?