Sunday, 24 March 2013

Malaysian GP - "Looked like you wanted it bad enough but there'll be some explaining to do"

Such a lot to talk about this week and sadly most of it based on what happened over the airwaves rather than on track.  It was a weekend of naughty boys.  Raikkonen kicked things off blocking Rosberg during Qually and being penalised three places.  Whilst the close racing between teammates was exciting at the time, the following radio, recrimination, apologies and analysis was out of proportion.  Even in the pantomime villain days of Schumacher, it was shrugged off.  It was tense in the pre-podium prep room and on the podium, a moment that is as much for the fans surely.  Webber blew Red Bull's cover of "multi 21" meaning "hold places" and assuring that his post-F1 career will not be as a spy (and it seems now that that career is looming large on the horizon).  Webber tried manly lunges on the podium to assert some sort of authority and claimed that Vettel "will have protection".  His Dad also felt that the Austrian mafia will be Seb's side.  Webber clearly stated that he felt he won the race.  Meanwhile, Hamilton felt that his third position was Rosberg's.  When did we last see this podium gesturing...  Helmut Marko tried to wave at flying pigs by stating that Mercedes have lead and support drivers.  Ultimately, isn't everyone forgetting that Webber did exactly the same thing to Vettel at Silverstone in 2011.  It's crazy and I doubt that Webber will be supporting Vettel's title challenge later this season.

Ferrari gave the race to Red Bull in the opening laps.  Those who weren't naughty were pretty much silly sausages.  Why wouldn't you bring in a driver whose nose was hanging on by a thread?  Force India also score a mention in this paragraph with the epic fail of their new wheel nuts.  A fault made worse as they double-stacked drivers in the pits.  Toro Rosso were fined 10,000 Euros for releasing Vergne into Pic's path out of his box.  Also, in the pits, Button was released despite one of his mechanics having not signalled that he had finished changing a tyre.  The final silly sausage is Hamilton who drove into the McLaren pit box.  These are all school boy errors - what is happening to F1?

More please

Massa - so so happy to secure P2 on the grid
Return of the gazebos
Benefit of the doubt - owed to Webber and Rosberg now - "remember this one"

No thanks

Interviews and/or slo mo replays of the Pussy Cat Doll
DNF Maldonado

Malaysian GP - Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 164
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 147
3= What's up Bianchi? - 146
3= The winner takes Vet Tel - 146
5. Hippy F1 - 125
6. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 115
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 112
8. Still Chewing - 108
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 107
10. Rosberg Benz over Hamilton - 103
11. The Sutil Knife - 85
12. The Pitstop Princess - 84
13. Superstars - 83
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 79
15. Year of the Tifosi - 54
16. The Dark Button - 43
17. The Baldy Biker - 39
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 33

Sunday, 17 March 2013

Australian GP - "I told you the car was good"

To set the alarm or not to set the alarm, that is the question.  Whether 'tis wetter in Australia than in Britain...  I did get up at 4.30am but we watched the Q2 and 3 first.  It was a cruel Qualifying for Rosberg, he started off mighty and fell and fell during the weekend.  All hopes of a new star dashed.

Hamilton was interviewed by Sky as part of the pre-race package.  When asked whether he was constrained at McLaren he talked about not fitting "into a stale box" and being "more exciting than that".  Apparently he has more to give.  Let's see how he's planning on outdoing getting both his ears pierced, tattooing his whole arm and dating a Pussycat Doll.  Perhaps he should have signed to Red Bull.  First FF1 Team Manager to spot the next sign of non-conformist excitement wins a prize.

It has been said that the race was a classic, I don't think I agree, when you're tired it all seems like a procession.  I'm very pleased that Raikkonen won and lots of teams seem to be contenders, as long as Red Bull are chasing other matadors.

In a new twist to blogging this season, I am going to include the Charts in the main post.  So here goes...


Lotus really making those tyres work


Nico Rosberg having his name on his shoes...hang on, if he could arrange that for all my Primary 1's.
An ornithologists delight - more racing, less birds please Land of Sunshine.
Spot the difference - not only can't I tell the difference between Rosberg and Hamilton but Perez's yellow helmet throws a spanner in the works.
Guitierrez eyebrow.
Pork pie hats on the grid ladies
Bondage reference made by Button to Brundle on the grid
Ricciwho?  I thought there were two Australians competing
Kimi's neck is now wider than his head
Costume change on the podium - just keep the hats on.  It hasn't yet convinced me to open an account with Santander or switch to Vodafone or drink Red Bull or even Capri-Sun

Australia GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 88
2. Hippy F1 - 82
3. Rowntree's Randoms - 70
4. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 66
5. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 65
6= What up Bianchi? - 63
6= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 63
8. Still Chewing - 56
9. Superstars - 42
10= The Pitstop Princess - 41
10= The Sutil Knife - 41
12= Year of the Tifosi - 40
12= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 40
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 38
15= The Dark Button - 22
15= The Baldy Biker - 22
17. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 20
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 16

Friday, 15 March 2013

2013 Teams

Team            Team Name                                             Driver 1            Driver 2            Chassis             Engine                          Hometrack
Gareth          Scuderia Principe Pitstop                       Raikkonen         Guitierrez         Red Bull            Mercedes                         Bahrain
Lynn              Year of the Tifosi                                      Alonso              Massa              Force India       Ferrari (Sauber)               Monza
David            What Up Bianchi?                                    Vettel               Bianchi             Red Bull            Mercedes (Force India)   Monaco
Claire            The Pitstop Princess                                Alonso              Guitierrez         Red Bull            Renault (Williams)          GB
Adam            Rosberg Benz over Hamilton                 Rosberg            Perez                Mercedes         Mercedes                         China
Ben               I'm gonna come at you like a
                       spider monkey!                                        Raikkonen         Perez                Mercedes         Renault (Williams)        Abu Dhabi
Stephen        I hate Vettel but I want his points        Vettel               Guitierrez         Lotus                 Mercedes                         Singapore
Sue               The Dark Button                                        Hamilton          Hulkenberg      Force India       Mercedes (McLaren)       Brazil
Mark             The Sutil Knife                                           Alonso              Bottas              Red Bull            Toro Rosso (Ferrari)        Spain
Becca            Schumacher's Ghost                                 Button              Bottas              Lotus                 Mercedes                         GB
Jennie           Rowntree's Randoms                               Webber            Sutil                  Lotus                 Ferrari                              Germany
Mike             100% British Beef Horsepower         Hamilton          Di Resta           McLaren           Renault (Williams)           
Laura            Beauty & the F1 Geek                               Vettel               Maldonado       Mercedes         Renault (Williams)          Spain
Joe                Hippy F1                                                      Alonso              Guitierrez         Red Bull            Renault (Williams)          Australia
Phil               Superstars                                                   Vettel               Button              Force India       Ferrari (Toro Rosso)        GB
Malcolm       The Baldy Biker                                         Hamilton          Maldonado       Force India       Mercedes (McLaren)     Germany
John              Still Chewing                                              Hamilton          Sutil                  Ferrari              Mercedes                          
Chris             The Winner Takes Vet Tel                        Vettel               Bianchi             Red Bull            Mercedes (Force India)   India

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

1. Picking a team

First you must choose a team name.   Anyone who submits a nameless team will not only be allocated a name by me but will score no points for the first race.

You have a total budget of £24million to choose a team comprising of the following:

2 x Drivers
1 x Constructor/Chassis
1 x Engine

Each driver, constructor and engine is given a value based on previous performances and their potential for success during the 2013 season (i.e. the most expensive drivers, cars and engines will be those predicted to be the most successful).

There are no points for coming in under budget.

Deadline for submitting teams is Thursday 14  March 2013.  Teams can be made up of identical drivers and constructors but must have a different home track (see 2.4).  If you submit a team and home track that has already been chosen you will be invited to pick again (the bonus of entering early is to get the team you wish).

In the event that a constructor withdraws from the 2013 championship, any FF1 team with their chassis or engine will not be reallocated a different constructor and will score no more points for that chassis/engine.  If a constructor is bought out (even after a withdrawal or break from competing) then any FF1 team with that chassis/engine will receive the points scored by the new constructor.  A driver picked by a FF1 team will score points for the team with whichever constructor they drive for or no points if they are not competing, i.e. if they are dropped or their constructor withdraws from the championship.

Only one team may be submitted per human being.

Submission should be by email.

2. How to score points

Scoring starts from the Australian GP onwards. Fantasy points are allocated based on the performance of your drivers, constructor’s cars and engine.

2.1 Drivers
:: The driver who completes the fastest lap in the final qualifying round will receive +15 points.
If a driver receives an engine penalty he will receive points based on his qualifying lap time i.e. we will not penalise FF1 teams for engine changes.

Example, Fernando Alonso sets the fastest time in the 3rd qualifying session but has a ten place grid penalty for changing his engine he will still get +15 points.

 :: The driver who completes the fastest lap during the race will receive +15 points.

:: The driver who makes up the most positions from their place on the grid (after penalties) to their finishing place will receive +15 points.

In the event of this being tied the driver finishing in the highest position will receive the points.

:: Drivers that finish the race in the top 10 positions will score points as follows;

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points

9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.2 Constructors/Chassis
Each Constructor has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points

9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.3 Engines
Each Engine supplier has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points

9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

3. Communications

A bulletin containing the scores and possibly a little light-hearted banter will be posted on the website as soon as possible after each race.  The blog address is

Team listings will be posted on the website.

Notification of results updates by email can be requested.
The website will also contain caption competitions and competitors are invited to post their punditry on the season.

4. Prices

4.1 Drivers

5 stars - Champion
Vettel - £10m (driving for Red Bull)
Alonso - £9m (driving for Ferrari)
Button £8m (driving for McLaren)

4 stars - Upper Middle Field or How The Mighty Have Fallen
Hamilton - £7.5m (driving for Mercedes)
Raikkonen - £7m (driving for Lotus)
Webber - £7m (driving for Red Bull)
Perez - £6.5m (driving for McLaren)
Massa - £5.5m (driving for Ferrari)
Rosberg - £5m (driving for Mercedes)
Grosjean - £5m (driving for Lotus)

3 stars - Middle Field
Maldonado - £4m (driving for Williams)

Hulkenberg - £4m (driving for Sauber)

2 stars – Lower rank
Di Resta - £3m (driving for Force India)

Bottas - £3m (driving for Williams)
Ricciardo - £2m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Vergne - £2m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Sutil - £2m (driving for Force India)
1 star – May As Well Be Driving a Ford Fiesta
Guitierrez - £1m (driving for Sauber)

Pic - £500,000 (driving for Caterham)
Chilton - £500,000 (driving for Marussia)
Van der Garde - £500,000 (driving for Caterham)
Bianchi - £500,000 (driving for Marussia)

4.2 Chassis

5 Stars - Premium
Red Bull - £10m
McLaren - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 Stars – Well-Funded
Lotus - £7m
Mercedes - £6m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Sauber - £5m

Wiliams - £4m

2 Stars – Trying Very Hard
Force India - £3.5m

Toro Rosso - £2m

1 Star – Backmarkers
Caterham - £1m
Marussia - £1m

4.3 Engines

5 Stars - Premium
Renault (Red Bull) - £10m
Mercedes (McLaren) - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 Stars – Well-Funded
Renault (Lotus) - £7m
Mercedes - £6m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Ferrari (Sauber) - £5m

Renault (Williams) - £4m

2 Stars – Trying Very Hard
Mercedes (Force India) - £3.5m

Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - £2m
1 Star – Backmarkers
Renault (Caterham) - £1m
Cosworth (Marussia) - £1m

5. Calendar 2013

17th March - Australia
24th March - Malaysia
14th April – China
21st April - Bahrain
12th May – Spain
26th May – Monaco
9th June – Canada
30th June – Britain
7th July – Germany
21st July – Mystery Circuit
28th July – Hungary
25th August – Belgium
8th September – Italy
22nd September – Singapore
6th October – Korea
13th October – Japan
27th October - India
3rd November – Abu Dhabi
17th November - America
24th November – Brazil