Monaco GP - "We couldn't imagine you driving it better today"

Oui

Brave stewards - it would have been a long race otherwise
News phrases - "rubber-shod centipede of speed" from Croft
Return to the classic interview - and Prost ditched!

Non

Natalie Pinkham in a bikini - what next?  Damon in trunks?   Herbert in a mankini?
Scandal - it's now testgate, have Mercedes received an unfair advantage from an extra 1,000km on track?  Has it really made a difference?
Broken lap times - or was Bottas really in the pits for most of the race?
Whinging - step forward Button, perhaps it only happens when you're McLaren's No1 driver?
Mind the gap - it's not about the tyres, it's about the gap, oh no, that's the gap you come out into when you've changed your tyres
Waiting until Lap 26 for the first overtake - and that was Di Resta on Massa with DRS.  Then we had to wait until Lap 41 when Hamilton nearly overtook Webber
Groundhog Day - for Massa, just hitting his head repeatedly on the same wall
More rule-reading needed - Grosjean especially needs to review the safety car procedures
Hamilton's hair/beard - just weird
Button/Perez helmets - both look the same in the cockpit
Safety car - usually re-starts the race with dramatic consequences, not today

Monaco GP Results

1. What Up Bianchi? - 483
2. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 480
3. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 448
4. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 405
5. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 367
6. Harry Morton's Mum - 326
7. Still Chewing - 325
8. Hippy F1 - 313
9. Rowntree's Randoms - 308
10. The Sutil Knife - 302
11. Superstars - 278
12. The Pitstop Princess - 272
13. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 252
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 246
15. Year of the Tifosi - 190
16. The Dark Button - 163
17. The Baldy Biker - 158
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 157

Spanish GP - "I'm happy for all us"

I well remember how happy I was last year after the Spanish Grand Prix, with a joyful Williams win.  As Jordan said: "Mircales don't happen twice in the same place."  How wrong, there was a miracle.  Guitierrez finally came good and scored both fastest lap and climbed the most places from his grid position.  It was a funny old podium, Big Boss Montezemolo spoke to top Ferrari driver Alonso, Ferrari Monkey Massa but not Former Ferrari Star, Raikkonen.  Massa was delighted with his third place and Raikkonen was disappointed with second.

Si

Amazing pit stops - 2.5 seconds for Vettel and 2.6 seconds for Alonso, they barely seem to stop
Maldonado over takes Hamilton
Pit lane feed, still very much enjoyed in the King Crossword household

No

Cryptic radio messages: "Magic diff"..."Improve braking 4 5 6"..."Charlie level ten ten"..."Wheels, chicken, booster, target two"
What race?   Let's just watch the start
Maldonado not hitting the pit lane speed limiter in time
Caterhams - should be penalised for not stopping VDG on track when his wheel was about to come off
Hamilton whinging about a Williams overtaking him
Jordan's jewellry

Spanish GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 409
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 377
3= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 327
3= What Up Bianchi? - 327
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 276
6. Hippy F1 - 274
7. Still Chewing - 260
8. The Sutil Knife - 259
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 256
10. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 253
11. The Pitstop Princess - 233
12. Superstars - 221
13. I'm gonna come at you like a spide monkey! - 214
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 200
15. Year of the Tifosi - 154
16. The Dark Button - 131
17. The Baldy Biker - 126
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 120