Let’s finish this sh*t tomorrow…

Two truths to this statement.

Ricciardo survived an MGU-K failure to register a deserved win…  

…but, unfortunately, at a snail’s pace.  What a sh*t race. 

I’m normally the first to look for the positives in F1.  But in this case, the six-minute highlights video genuinely captured everything notable in the race.  Pfffffffft...

Ricciardo did have an amazing Saturday, though.  His first lap in Q3 was a cool 0.4sec ahead of anyone else and 1.3sec quicker than last year’s pole lap, both of which are astonishing on such a short and twisty track.  Saturday at Monaco is generally much more exciting these days – last year it was Hamilton forgetting to put in a banker, this year it was Mad Max deciding to kiss the walls.  (Glasgow kiss, that is.)

So, let’s ignore all of the other suggestions for how to improve Monaco and go with the only one that will work:  ditch the race, decide the points based on qualy and start the party on the Saturday night.  This would also mean that any F1 drivers (including Alonso) would be able to take part in the Indy 500 from now on.  No more seat-wetting for Button.

And so, on to Canada.  Renault and Honda will both be bringing upgrades, but who are we kidding?  Montreal is Hamilton’s house.  He owns it.  Still, though, I’d love to see Ocon, Gasly, Hulkenberg, Perez and Sainz being able to actually overtake each other in the midfield.  Which one will be getting a seat in one of the top three teams next year?  (Frustratingly, the answer could be ‘none’)

‘til next time…

p.s. “Give Prince Albert a shuey” says Horner.  I heard “Give Schumi a Prince Albert”.  Cue me snorting my tea through my nose.

p.p.s.  Ricciardo’s first ever F1 win was Canada 2014.  Surely he couldn’t…?

And thanks Maximum Attack!

‘Like riding a motorbike round your apartment’: Nelson Piquet Sr

The Monaco Grand Prix – billed as the most glamorous event on the calendar, full of beautiful people, big yachts and massed showing off.  Yet this is half the story (the small half): no one ever mentions the incessant noise and lack of sleep due to Armco being erected all night long and music banging out from apartments all over town as the beautiful people party those nights away.  There is the embarrassment of bringing your vessel to town but not being able to moor it near enough to actually see the track; and worse, knowing that you’ve got to go to Nice to shop at Lidl. 

Sirotkin gave us hope by trying to do the job on a 3 wheeler before getting the message ‘Novichok gotov’ so had to ooze back to Zizzi to serve out his penalty.  We hoped for the best but knew that it was going to be same old, same old – Tigger Riccardo bounced away at the beginning with the wind in his tail trying very hard to pretend that he had problems with his car to fool us into thinking that he might break down.  But we knew it was hopeless – deja vue all over again. 

To be fair, Max V ‘scythed his way through’ (© Muddley Talker) from the rear giving hope that he might have his usual crash along the way and – and – just when we had given up hope of any real action LeClerc forgot he shouldn’t run into the back of people and did.  Even then, no appearance of the safety car to mix up the order a little. 

Who noticed a change in the podium arrangements this year?  We are used to getting a glimpse of the Monegasque Prince Albert in the gloom of a bunker but this year He and his entourage bravely risked a spraying – and got one – on a proper podium.  But was it better? 

Usual excuses from the teams, the commentators, the drivers and ‘celebrities’ (who?) 

The highlight was of course the Shoey; we hoped it might happen and he didn’t let us down.  It made the endurance of 2 hours’ dull racing worth it.

Thanks to Wheels on Fire!

Monaco GP - Results

1. Give it some Gasly - 375*
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 297
3. Two World Champions, Two Future World Champions, and um, Two Other Guys - 285
4. Halo, baby! - 267*
5= Evel Marque - 263
5= Maximum Attack! - 263
7. Hasstag#FaceBull - 262
8. Spa Day with a Shooey - 236
9. No Vices Now - 227
10. The Pitstop Princess - 226
11. The Hopefulls - 100
12. Hippy F1 - 178
13. Jack Johnson - 151
14. Wheels on Fire - 130

* Home track played

Spain GP - Results

Notable that we have joint leaders with teams that do not share a single common selection:

1= Give it some Gasly! 249

1= Halo, baby! 249*

3. Beauty & the F1 Geek 224

4. Two World Champions, Two Future World Champions, and um, Two Other Guys 222

5= Evel Marque 206

5= Maximum attack! 206

7. The Pitstop Princess 202

8. Hasstag#FaceBull 195

9. No Vices Now 194

10. Spa Day with a Shooey 184

11. The Hopefulls 177

12. Hippy F1 138

13. Jack Johnson 130

14 Wheels on Fire 89

#SpainishGP fail for Grosjean

Some bright spark tried to liven up proceedings by painting #SpainishGP up and down the pit-lane.  Spainish painters aside, what you can rely on at the Catalunya circuit is:

1. Qualifying is ark-like - the cars come in two by two by two.

2. The race is almost always won from the front row.

The ark went Mercedes-Ferrari-Red Bull and we seemed assured of Mercedes on the top step, and they duly obliged by filling the top two steps, and staying in order.  The surprise was that Verstappen leap-frogged both Ferraris (Kimi's car gave up and Vettel needed an extra stop) to take the final spot.  Post-race, Hamilton had to remind Max to get weighed.  "Yeah, it's been a while", laughed Max.

The main talking point of the race was Grosjean somewhat inexplicably burying the throttle as he span, mid-pack, on the first lap.  His improvised smokescreen meant he wiped out Hulkenberg and Gasly and deprived us of some potentially good racing (and condemned himself to "null points" until Canada at least, because surely he can't make it through Monaco without incident?  Prove me wrong, Romain.).  Is this a return to the accident-prone 2014 Grosjean?  He's really letting down those who picked Haas.  At least he didn't try to blame Erikson this time.  He said he "tried to save the car and put it in a good direction".  From behind guilty sunglasses.  Then off to the stewards to get his deserved points (licence, not championship) and grid demotion for Monaco.  Gunter Steiner tried to stick up for him, saying the penalty was "like kicking him in the face".  Best not give Gasly and Hulk ideas, Gunter.

Other notable moments were: Alonso round the outside of Ocon at turn 3, Sirotkin and Ricciardo not being able to drive at VSC speeds, Max clipping the back of Stroll, and Perez smashing through Max's discarded front-wing end-plate.

Hartley tyre-walled his car in final practice and it actually snapped while being picked up by the recovery vehicle.  No qualy for Brendon.  That enabled him to make up the most places, though largely due to attrition rather than awesome driving.  Cue me cruelly willing my also-ran drivers to fail FP3 and start from the back of the grid in future races.  Fastest lap was Ricciardo proving the pace of the Red Bull in race trim and/or no-one else grandstanding for the fastest lap.

Hamilton talked some b******s about having "synergy with the car" and no-one listened, because they were still thinking, "seriously dude, what is with your hair?".

Next: Monaco, baby!

twctfwcautog