Sunday, 27 November 2011

Brazil Banter - "Yep. Thanks guys."

I should be happy, this race saw the most coverage of Williams all year. If only there had been a Venezuelan grand prix too.
Especially for all the geekier participants in the league, there was lots of geeky chat during this race. Oh my, I could listen to DC and Brundle chat about how gearboxes could brake forever...but how will Sky do?
So farewell to free race coverage, farewell to the 2011 season, farewell to Barrichello (?) and farewell to that prize money happily resting in my bank account.

Brazil GP Charts

Chart of Lust
1. (new entry) Alonso's overtake on Button - made the race worth watching.
2. (new entry) Good luck - for Webber. At last.
3. (re-entry) Team radio - so we knew about Vettel's broken gearbox. Giving viewers a glimmer of hope for an interesting race.
4. (new entry) Vettel's helmet-cam - great shots even if they were a little wobbly
5. (new entry) Conspiracy theories - I might believe this one...Vettel had "ropey" (um hello, it lasted until the end of the race) gearbox, so that Webber is allowed a race win.
Chart of Loathing
1. (new entry) Senna's penalty - Massa and Hamilton did not go anywhere near each other. The stewards must have been bored. Let's hope Alex Wurz saved enough F1 loot to afford to be smuggled away from the track.
2. (new entry) Barrichello obituary - he's not dead. He hasn't even retired. Officially.
3. (new entry) Coverage of Sam Michael - is he wearing McLaren uniform yet? No And now? No And now? No.
4. (re-entry) Rain chat - on and on and the clouds never broke.
5. (new entry) Raikkonnen not going to drive for Williams - boooooooooo.

Brazilian GP and FINAL Results

1. Besta di Resta - 1,160
2. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 1,142
3. Still Chewing - 1,130
4. The Lord of the Wings - 1,102
5. The Pitstop Princess - 1,030
6. Trulli Scrumptious - 1,018
7. Gurning Rubber - 1,016
8. The Best Team - 1,010
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 952
10. Must do better... - 842
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 839
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 655
13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 539
14. Hippy F1 - 480

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Abu Dhabi GP Charts

Chart of Lust
1. (new entry) Sam Michael - clearly brings something to a team, nothing Williams wanted though.
2. (new entry) Macca - giving a bass to Vettel, doesn't the boy have everything he could want already? Send it this way please.
3. (re-entry) Big hugs - Pipsqueak and Alonso - whodathunkit?
4. (new entry) Movember - although, moustaches do look better on winners.
5. (re-entry) Special shiny helmets - twinkly, glitter versions for Vettel and Hamilton
Chart of Loathing
1. (new entry) All Williams back row - boooooooo, roll on 2012.
2. (new entry) Blue flags penalties - the fault is clearly the circuit and the rubbish leaders not the backmarkers.

Abu Dhabi GP - "so glad I could do this for you"

Pffff...what to say?

Abu Dhabi GP Results

1. Besta di Resta - 1,101
2. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 1,077
3. Still Chewing - 1,064
4. The Pitstop Princess - 975
5. Trulli Scrumptious - 963
6. Lord of the Wings - 960
7. Gurning Rubber - 957
8. The Best Team - 944
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 897
10. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 809
11. Must do better... - 789
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 623
13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 509
14. Hippy F1 - 464

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Indian GP - "You led every lap, pole position, fastest lap. Not bad."

Well, I was going to open with a comment about Hamilton being a penalty-magnet and then, shock of the season, Massa took the penalty. That didn't stop Hamilton being pretty despondent though (although given that particularly negative debrief he was given publicly over the radio, no wonder). Which was inappropriate really because all our sympathies lie with poor Karun Chandhok, who had been promised a drive at his home race only to be cruelly denied in favour of the hapless Trulli.
In the Ferrari garage, it's a surprise the mechanics have overalls, as their suitcases must have been full of front wings. On top of that, Massa doesn't seem to be learning from his mistakes.
At the end of the day, it was time, yet again, to watch Vettel (rhymes with "kettle") drink champagne from his trophy, taking the opportunity to try out a new celebration.

Indian GP Charts

Chart of Lust
1. (re-entry) Vettel's helmet - covered with his engineers, nicely done.
2. (new entry) 2 Torro Rossos in Q3 - remember you can replace the team name Minardi for Torro Rosso.
3. (new entry) Raikkonen to drive for Williams chat - too exciting!
4. (re-entry) Awful puns - such as Eddie's "A Paddock to India". Chortle.
5. (new entry) Hulkenberg - now sponsored by Katjes, the producer of my favourite childhood sweets! (Is this the money he's bringing to Force India next year for a seat?)
Chart of Loathing
1. (re-entry) McLaren's qualifying overalls - moving ever closer to romper suits.
2. (new entry) 2 US races soon in 2012 - I can see the days coming when there are no European races.
3. (new entry) Hamilton's hemlet - nothing says "India" more than Bob Marley.
4. (new entry) Brundles commentary - has he been saving "Who's vindaloo and who's korma?" all year?
5. (new entry) Lotus - for beating Williams. Sob.

Indian GP - Results

1. Besta di Resta - 1,056
2. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 1,037
3. Stil Chewing - 1,024
4. The Pitstop Princess - 945
5. Trulli Scrumptious - 933
6. Gurning Rubber - 921
7. The Best Team - 917
8. Lord of the Wings - 885
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 837
10. Must do better... - 767
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 754
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 579
13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 456
14. Hippy F1 - 449

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Korean GP - "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes"

Or no.
Firstly, can someone tell me what are all these "difficulties" that Hamilton is suffering from? As far as I can see, he has a supportive network of family, friends and colleagues. He is driving the second best car in F1. He is loaded. Is it because he is......No. Is it because Button has had his contract renewed? Is it because whinge is his default state?
Changes to the build-up this race included no Eddie Jordan, which meant Jake had to find a different person to play with and Karun Chandock always talks sense. Approved. Unusually for this time of the year, there was no "whose going where" chat. Apparantly 20 drivers are lined up for the two seats at Williams, that must make us the most popular choice in the pit lane. Yay. I have decided that I prefer races that go down to the wire. It means we don't get endless "Vettel is champion" packages. Then, having seen far too much of him before the race, we saw nothing of him during the race.
My closing question to you all is what did Alonso's "I give up. I give up." message mean?
Until the next race, never mind the bollards.

Korean GP Charts

Chart of Lust
1. (new entry) Vettel praising the Renault engine - if Red Bull can achieve so much with it, just imagine what Williams will do!
2. (new entry) Hamilton on pole - just because he's not driving a Red Bull.
3.(new entry) Top 5 times - so close, makes it that wee bit more exciting.
Chart of Loathing
1. (new entry) Korea - why? Bring back one of the classic European races.
2. (re-entry) Tyre chat - booooooring
3. (re-entry) Clapping ladies - this time, nearly naked, enough now Bernie.
4. (re-entry) Trophy - or weapon?
5. (new entry) Red Bull's awful choice of music - money can't buy you taste.

Korean GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 985
2. Besta di Resta - 982
3. Still Chewing - 972
4. The Pitstop Princess - 889
5. Gurning Rubber - 886
6. Trulli Scrumptious - 877
7. Lord of the Wings - 847
8. The Best Team - 846
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 785
10. Must do better... - 730
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 712
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 554
13. Hippy F1 - 431
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 421

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Japanese GP - "We took nothing forgranted and we did it"

Brundle "thoroughly enjoyed" the race, I'm not sure I concur. Perhaps it was the intermittent coverage and the fact that their was so much overtaking they couldn't broadcast it all.
Massa and Hamilton continue to rehearse their pantomime parts as sworn enemies. Altogether now: "He's behind you!"
I finished my viewing slightly disappointed by the lack of hugs, only a mere helmet pat or two.

Japanese GP Charts

Chart of Lust
1. (re-entry) Vettel - a brilliant and ruthless start and now champion
2. (new entry) F1 puppets - all I want for Christmas...
3. (re-entry) Kobabashi - bearing the weight of Japanese expectations
4.(new entry) Tension - in the pre-podium room, the watch and hat guy should have a special knife to cut it with.
Chart of Loathing
Tyre saving - we want to see you qualify..fix this FIA.
Red Bull costumes - by far the worst fancy dress I've seen for a long time
Shoddy BBC coverage - perhaps Brundle thought it was such a good race because he saw all of it rather than the sketchy shots we received?

Japanese GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 927
2. Besta di Resta - 915
3.Still Chewing - 914
4. Trulli Scrumptious - 819
5. The Pitstop Princess - 816
6. Gurning Rubber - 814
7. The Best Team - 802
8. Lord of the Wings - 800
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 735
10. Must do better... - 682
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 655
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 528
13. Hippy F1 - 419
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 406

Monday, 26 September 2011

Singapore slinging - "brilliant drive"

Hamilton and Massa's get-togethers were a small effort to enliven the race but even the twinkling lights couldn't make this year's event shine. Schumacher tried to make the race more interesting by bringing on the safety car, retire old man. Lastly, I must ask, Sebastian Who? Lots of chat about him before and after the race but nothing during.

Singapore Charts

A short version this week:
Chart of Lust
1. (new entry) Sparkling helmets - sported by Alonso and Vettel, glittering under the floodlights
2. (new entry) Fireworks - ooooooohhhh
3. (new entry) Safety car - it nearly brought about interesting racing
Chart of Loathing
1. (new entry) Talking about sweating - isn't this a polite, civilised sport?
2. (new entry) Alonso - letting the Pitstop Princess down at her hometrack. Epic fail.
3. (re-entry) Vetelle - it's "Vettel as in kettle"

Singapore GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 876
2= Still Chewing - 861
2= Besta di Resta - 861
4. Trulli Scrumptious - 774
5. Gurning Rubber - 772
6. The Pitstop Princess - 771
7. The Best Team - 762
8. Lord of the Wings - 753
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 690
10. Must Do Better... - 649
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 580
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 490
13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 379
14. Hippy F1 - 377

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Insight into McLaren HQ

Through Twitter, McLaren have let us know all their little inside "jokes". Here's some of the technical jargon used at their space-age lair in Woking:

Wheel pizza - the slimline wheels used for transportation
Bridge of doom - FIA weighbridge
Trackshack - mobile track office for flyaways
Cake tins - circular brake housings

Hilarious. What made us laugh before Twitter? McLaren PR should do a show in Edinburgh next year, undiscovered talent there.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Italian GP - "Thank you boys"

This race seemed to give one teammate great results and leave the other in the doldrums.  Webber crashed into Massa (why wasn't that investigated?) and will probably have to support race-winner Vettel now.  Barrichello was taken out by Liuzzi in the first corner, but Maldonado went from 14th to 6th on the first lap.  Button overtook Schumi given one chance and ended up on the podium whilst Hamilton couldn't get past him.  Rosberg was also a victim of Liuzzi but Schumacher went on to have a storming race, regaining some more of his previous notoriety.  Petrov, yet another Liuzzi victim but his team mate put the Senna name on the list of points scorers for the first time since Australia 1993.

Italian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Alonso - for that start
2. (re-entry) Parents - Mamma Button looked super happy, Pape Vettel did not for some reason
Angry Ross Brawn - quite funny
3. (re-entry) Brundle's phrases - "complete carnage" (in the first corner, not quite, Martin) and "teflonso" (nothing sticks)
4. (new entry) FoM TV's new feature - what does Alesi think?
5. (new entry) The podium - every track's podium should be for a fans, especially so Alonso can pour champagne over them.

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) Qualifying - Vettel on pole, boring, boring, boring.
2. (new entry) Vettel - winning races shouldn't be boring.
3. (new entry) That old chestnut - in particular, "I'd rather be 11th on the grid and be able to choose my tyres and than in the top ten shoot-out".  This time spun by Paul di Resta.
4. (new entry) Media Training - Hamilton now gives one-word answers about Schumi's driving, probably best as his words won't come back to bite him.  At least Button tells it like it is.  We should also comment on those sunglasses, he looked like a fly.
5. (down 1) McLaren's qualifying overalls - someone has been drawing on them

Italian GP - Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 822
2. Still Chewing - 807
3. Besta di Resta - 784
4. Gurning Rubber - 724
5. Trulli Scrumptious - 722
6. The Best Team - 715
7. Lord of the Wings - 675
8. The Pitstop Princess - 667
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 638
10. Must Do Better... - 607
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 519
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 474
13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 349
14. Hippy F1 - 344

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Click here for some very poor TV

Don't like your job? Feel humiliated? Feel superior to the tasks set for you? Feel your talents are not being put to best use? It could be worse, you could be David Coulthard or Jenson Button. Click above to see why.

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Belgian Charts

Chart of Lust
1. (new entry) Getting an F1 fix - it's been a long three weeks, let me tell you.
2. (re-entry) Overtaking - with and without DRS
3. (re-entry) New phrases - both courtesy of 5 Live; "absolutely hosing it down" and "the radars look like Nick Clegg, a smattering of blue".
4. (new entry) Scandal - I like this one, did Maldonado deliberately neuf Pipsqueak?
5. (new entry) Chinking champagne bottles - saying "cheers" on the podium
Chart of Loathing
1. (re-entry) Eddie Jordan - for saying that Williams are an "epic fail" thi year. You're not in the Inbetweeners.
2. (re-entry) DC - for wearing Schumi's Eurotrash 20 years in F1 T-shirt.
3. (new entry) 21-carat gold helmet - made for Schumi, too much
4. (static) McLaren's qualifying overalls - designed, it turns out, by Hugo Boss.
5. (new entry) Barrichello - I don't think he knows that he has been hired to score points for Williams

Belgian Banter (no lap of honour, no comment!)

As is traditional at Spa, it was a race of heroes and zeroes. Some people achieved both. Maldonado instigated what I am going to call "toddlergate" during Qualifying (zero) but scored his first point in Formula 1, for Williams (hero). Torro Rosso had an amazing Qualifying especially Alguasauri (hero) but both drivers were out of the race early doors (zero). Rosberg had an incredible start, I don't think anyone could believe their eyes when he went from 5th to 1st (hero) and was then overtaken by his team mate at the end of the race (zero). Schumacher takes the trophy for this though, with a wheel falling off his car in Q1, leaving him starting last on the grid during his 20th anniversary race (zero) and finishing 5th (hero).

Belgian GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 774
2. Still Chewing - 759
3. Besta di Resta - 710
4. Gurning Rubber - 681
5. The Best Team - 680
6. Trulli Scrumptious - 675
7. Lord of the Wings - 637
8. The Pitstop Princess - 620
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 598
10. Must do better... - 574
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 471
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 392
13. Hippy F1 - 324
Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 320

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Can you name this driver?

Leave your answer in a comment below. I will reveal who it is on Sunday.

Driver line-up changes

Mr Semi-Reliable Heidfeld has been dropped for the Belgium Grand Prix this weekend. He is being replaced by Lotus Renault's third driver Bruno Senna. I'll take this opportunity to remind FF1 participants that you don't score points for the drive/seat, it's the points scored by the individual.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Button is not "just a lazy playboy"

Click on the title for exhibit #2.

JB would choose James Hunt for his team mate. If further evidence were required, he appears to have resigned as a playboy to become the ambassador to Japan.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Cheer Up!

Hey, it's Tuesday, we're not even half way through the week. I know that most of you will need cheering up. (Me? I've had good news on the arm front from the hospital today. Which does it for me.) So my suggestion is to watch Button's Head & Shoulders ad and have a good chortle. And even if it doesn't make you laugh, you can consider yourself lucky that you don't feel the need to do such demeaning things for money. Go ahead, click on the title.

The Effect of Pay-to-View F1 Around the World

James Allen posted this article on his website today. He sites the move of live race coverage to a pay channel as a contributing factor to the demise of the popularity of F1 in Japan. If you can uninspire a people as fanatical as the Japanese, what might the Sky/BBC deal result in the UK F1 following, who are fickle and only tune in when times are good anyway?

Thursday, 11 August 2011

New 2011 Race Announced

Formula 1 is going to....(drum roll)....Manchester! Okay, okay, it's a Vodafone promo stunt, so only Jenson Button will driving along Deansgate, down John Dalton Street and into Albert Square. It takes place on 29 August. We all know that JB and McLaren prefer one (non-prancing) horse races. The other obvious joke this gives us the chance to make is whether he'll get in the car only to find the tyres have been replaced by bricks.

The Pitstop Princess Tweets

If it's good enough for HRH The Queen, then perhaps I should consider it. One can "follow" me at @PitstopPrincess.

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

F1 Film News

Has there ever been a time when there weren't rumours about a Formula 1 film being produced? Here's an interview with Apollo 13 and The Da Vinci Code director, Ron Howard about his project. He "expects" it to be about the 1976 championship battle between Nikki Lauda and James Hunt. This really implies he hasn't actually read the script that has already been written by Frost/Nixon writer Peter Morgan. It will have a "European budget", which I am translating as: "The cars are going to made out of papier mache and any wideshots will be of a Scaletrix track." I am also anticipating an Allo Allo style German accent from the actor playing Lauda. Best guesses for the actor to play Hunt posted as a comment will win a pat on the back.

Conspiracy Theories

We all know F1 fans like scandal, intrigue, spy stories and conspiracy theories more than most. Top of the pile at the moment is how Red Bull can promote Vettel over Webber without appearing to show any favouritism. My latest theory is that all the other Red Bull "daredevil" sports are just a cunning way to assassinate Mark through "extreme sports accidents".

Monday, 8 August 2011

Announcing a new thread

Proving Jenson Button is not just a playboy.
Flavio Briatore once famously declared that "JB" is "just a lazy playboy". The Pitstop Princess feels this is unjust and would like to exonerate the gent as he is one of the UK's top three favourite current F1 drivers. Please bring any evidence you find to refute the allegation to my attention.

Sunday, 31 July 2011

Hungary GP - "Perfect going into the Summer break, let's come back and win them all."

Well I am going to keep this brief, I enjoyed the race for many reasons, so here is one huge Chart of Lust:

  • Massa finally outqualifying Alonso, badly needed for the also-ran Brazilian

  • Cake, Button eulogised about the three he received to celebrate his 200th race, a man after my own heart

  • Umbrella holders, with one arm in a sling and a rainy forecast, it's something I really covet

  • Wet race, so much more exciting, I think I am beginning to agree with Bernie, bring on the sprinklers

  • Fireworks from Heidfeld, continuing the old-school revival

  • No team orders at McLaren, thank you Whitmarsh

  • 88 pit stops, a new record, not sure whether this is good or bad, please post your thoughts

  • Unusual trophy, a nice break from the usual Santander promo merch

  • Hamilton wasn't sulky or bitter, he must have been sent on a PR refresher course

Lastly, I must add a thought on Sky buying the rights to the coverage. Jake opened the qualifying coverage with a joke about pink shirts, as if to say "What do we care about imminent job loss?". If only they'd charged Shell for that extended advert then they could have afforded the complete rights.

Hungary GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 715
2. Still Chewing - 698
3. Besta di Resta - 654
4. Gurning Rubber - 616
5. Lord of the Wings - 583
6= The Pitstop Princess - 565
6= Trulli Scrumptious - 565
8. The Best Team - 558
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 543
10. Must Do Better... - 526
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 441
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 347
13. Hippy F1 - 306
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 284

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

German GP - "Great job....keep pushing"

I'm going to keep this posting brief, as I am typing with my left hand owing to right shoulder breakage at the weekend. Sorry to disappoint as I am sure you were expecting some half way trough the season report.
First key point to note is that the last non-Red Bell pole was a Williams. Secondly, why no mention of the Renault deal? Thirdly, why did it take the Beeb so many laps to realise that Barrichello had retired?
Quote of the weekend goes to Alguasauri who, on the grid, told Brundle "This is one of those races where you need to stay on the track."
All in all it seemed to be a bad day at the office for most. Being in Germany gave DC and Brundle the chance to reminisce about all of DC's past failings and to constantly correct how DC is pronouncing "Vettel". WITH ONE L. The Germans did noy fare well at thheir home track. Webber and Massa continue to show that it doesn't matter what they or anyone else does, they are going to be also-rans.
Post-race shennigans were also enjoyablw with Webber giving Alonso a lift old-style and Hamilton hugging people who clearly did not want him in their personal space.

German GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 664
2. Still Chewing - 647
3. Besta di Resta - 587
4. Gurning Rubber - 563
5. The Best Team - 528
6. Lord of the Wings - 524
7= The Pitstop Princess - 517
7= Trulli Scrumptious - 517
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 500
10. Must do better... - 475
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 379
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 301
13. Hippy F1 - 281
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 261

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Silverstone GP - "It's a fantastic day Fernando"

Murray Walker introduced the race weekend commenting that Hamilton was ever more "despondant and depressed", well if he chose those words for Hamilton, what is left to describe how Webber is feeling now? FoM TV need to develop a split-screen for times like the last laps where we needed to see both the Massa-Hamilton battle and and Vettel-Webber one. After the winner's team radio was aired, for some reason the director felt we should hear the fourth placed driver too, which was a pep talk to the team from Pipsqueak, who may finally be getting the hang of PR.

I hope everyone did better than I with the new layout of Silverstone: "the back is now the front" and so on. Perhaps that is why the old men of F1 couldn't come to grips with the changes and their younger teammates outshone them again. I don't know how the pundits could call that a great race for Schumi when his teammate finished three places ahead of him. I hear it's all relative. Perhaps the layout was also responsible for Button being unable to tell left from right (I know, pot calling the kettle black), I have started knitting him some special L and R gloves.

It all finished with the most excited champagne spraying of the season. Special mention must go to Prince Harry for his costume changes. Lastly, Alonso promises that they will be aggressive and go for the win at every race, so the season looks like it can only get better.

I hope you are all proud that I managed this post without once mentioning hot or cold blown exhausts?

Silverstone Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Wet (ish) qualifying - three good reasons: Hamilton 10th, Maldonado 7th, Webber 1st
2. (new entry) Vettel's helmet design incorporating the faces of his enginneers - noble
3. (new entry) Damon Hill - everywhere, all credit due and looking more and more like George Harrison every day
4. (new entry) Flasks of tea - ah, our home grand prix
5. (new entry) Nice cardi - Murray Walker

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Team orders - "Maintain the gap Mark" - they might be legal but they're not loved
2. (new entry) Old men - naming no names, retire, your whippersnapper teammates are showing you up
3. (new entry) BBC's futuristic Silverstone package - fundamentally failing to understand the appeal of Silverstone and it's heritage
4. (re-entry) McLaren's qualifying outfits - still look like jesters
5. (re-entry) Clapping ladies - this time dressed as building society cashiers, I thought they were supposed to be sexily attired or is this Moseley's other fetish?

Silverstone GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 609
2. Still Chewing - 591
3. Gurning Rubber - 516
4. Besta di Resta - 507
5. The Best Team - 474
6= The Pitstop Princess - 472
6= Trulli Scrumptious - 472
8. Lord of the Wings - 461
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 455
10. Must do better... - 438
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 354
12. Hippy F1 - 280
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 259
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 225

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Goodwood Festival of Speed 2011 Notes

Aside from perusing beautiful cars old and new, the Festival of Speed provides insights into the world of motor racing. Here is what I gleaned from this year's visit.

Still Chewing pointed out that there is nothing new in F1, this 1900-type Lohner-Porsche has electric motors on it's front wheels.

I think I've found the design flaw that has led to Williams poor performance this year. As suspected the radical three-wheel concept was the wrong way to go.

Still, they feel they're on to a winner with next year's design:

As ever, Red Bull say "What regulations?"

Lotus unveilled a new driving strategy to keep themselves from earning any serious points this season:

I've found out how former F1 commentators earn a few meagre pennies to keep themselves afloat. Can you name either of the two below (add a comment to do so)?

Lastly, if anyone would like to show their appreciation of the site by way of a small token, I would like one of these please:

A Morgan Aero

Guess which lucky former F1 world champion got to meet the Pitstop Princess at Goodwood?

Here's a clue...he drove this car...


Nigel Mansell. I was quick to blame him for my long-suffering ordeal as a Williams supporter and he assures me *BIG NEWS* that Williams is going to make an announcement on Monday that is great news and will make everyone happy. Following discussion, I have decided this could be one of three things:

1. They will announce who is replacing Sam Michael (this is the most-likely).

2. A new engine supplier (this is my favourite).

3. A Mansell Jr. is going to drive for them!

I'll keep you all updated on this space.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Europe GP - "Better than anything you can imagine"

Possibly only for you, Seb. Jenson said it was a boring race and I think he was closer to the mark. Do we have higher standards now? Probably not.

The only other point to note today is that DC needs to spend some time learning to identify the drivers and cars at the tail end of the grid. Come on, get it right, you're paid out of our licence fee, we demand better.

Europe Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) 24 finishers - mainly because it means that both Williams actually finished. Outside of the points, of course.
2. (new entry) Heat - how will they cope at the really hot races? Want some of that sunshine here though.

Chart of Loathing

1. (static) Vettel on pole - still snoozesome
2. (new entry) Tyre strategy chat - booooring
3. (new entry) Vettle's golf ball helmet - or is it the Epcot Centre?
4. (new entry) EJ and Jake's grid walk - you were just talking to each other off of the grid too, come on.

Europe Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 522
2. Still Chewing - 455
3. Besta di Resta - 453
4. The Best Team - 425
5. Lord of the Wings - 419
6. Gurning Rubber - 410
7= The Pitstop Princess - 398
7= Trulli Scrumptious - 398
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 382
10. Must do better... - 352
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 330
12. Hippy F1 - 234
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 212
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 175

Monday, 13 June 2011

Canada Chat - "I think we held every position in that race but we finished were it mattered."

First point of business, the Bahrain GP is deffo cancelled. It did feature twice on PM, I thought it was cars going in circles but apparantly it's much more than that.

Second point of business, following AliGate, Lewis has apparantly apologised to everyone. Did you get yours?

Third point of business, I have just done The Water Cycle with P4, I can tell you that rain is inevitable. Why don't they build cars that run in the rain? Is it too much to ask? You'd return it to the garage if you'd bought it.

The rain kept the stewards very busy, or possibly it was drivers who can't drive in the rain who kept the stewards busy. I hope you were cheering on Kobabashi at the restart (don't ask me which restart). The most points for the race should go to the safety car driver, perhaps I should put him as a wildcard on next year's driver menu. Would like it noted that the safety car cost Williams points, I'm sure Maldonado would have stayed ahead if they hadn't all caught up with him.

At the end of the day, Vettel and Webber looked very disappointed and angry. Which makes such a pleasant change.

Canada Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Points for Williams - we'd like some more please
2. (new entry) Tea and biscuits - mid-race, yes please
3. (new entry) Papa Button's lucky pink shirt - still works it magic
4. (new entry) Lovely blue eyes - as sported by Martin Whitmarsh, let down by odd multi-coloured hair
5. (new entry) Cheering - hooray for Lewis finally showing his sporting side

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Vettel on pole - snooze
2. (new entry) Safety car start - boooorrrring
3. (new entry) Button - the mobile chicane for quite a lot of the race
4. (new entry) Rubber galoshes and wiping the soles of shoes- these drivers are too pampered
5. (new entry) Waving crowds - don't normally mind it but two hours worth to fill is too much

Canada GP Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 453
2.Still Chewing - 387
3. Lord of the Wings - 382
4. The Best Team - 379
5.Besta di Resta - 366
6. Gurning Rubber - 354
7= The Pitstop Princess - 336
7= Trulli Scrumptious - 336
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 324
10= Must do better... - 302
10= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 302
12.Hippy F1 - 224
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 174
14. Are all Williams fans masochists? - 172
15.Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 149

Sunday, 12 June 2011

New Feature - Film Reviews

So Senna.....
A geeks delight. If you like Senna. If you prefer Prost or Williams or chronological authenticity, possibly not for you. Lots of great footage from the FOM archives, especially on-board. Therefore, it has to be said, that the period detail is amazing. I enjoyed the film but it's disappointing that any year Senna did not do well is just skipped over, as though we went from 1988 to 1990 with nothing in between. I'm sure I had a 9th birthday party. There's also quite a lot of death (without giving any spoilers). Brace yourself for the death. So all in all, go and see it, let's have some more F1 movies. Perhaps any more could be shown off-season, so get us all through. Roll on Prost, Mansell and Herbert.

ps. If you have seen the film, please post your review as a comment.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Monaco Chat - "Together we did it"

There were huge smashes around the golden streets of Monte Carlo before qualifying even began, an omen of what was to come. Following the race, I am starting a campaign to have Hamilton banned, please leave a comment if you are on-board. Pipsqueak should have his licence retracted as he cost Williams all those precious points when he took Maldonado out. I am also getting tired of listening to two geriatrics try to remember who has used what tyres and who could use what tyres and whether anyone will have to use another set of tyres. Can we ban the word for the next race? Let's bring in the rules of Just a Minute, they must speak with hesitation, repetition or deviation.
Outraged, Ibrox.

Monaco Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Barrichello - scored Williams first points of the season and overtook Schumacher
2. (new entry) Alonso's starts - what's not to love if he's on your team?
3. (down 1) Overtaking - always welcome
4. (re-entry) New catchphrases - this week, "lappery" and the long-missed "mobile chicane"
5. (new entry) Alonso's gold helmet - perfect accessory for Monaco

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Post-red flag waiting - wasn't worth it either time
2. (new entry) Poor Red Bull pitstops - people don't spend a small fortune on your awful beverages for you to perform this badly, where were your wings when you needed them?
3. (new entry) Lying and whining - no prizes for who uttered the lines usually heard by petulant teenagers: "I got the penalty, as usual...the other drivers are fricking ridiculous". Why did McLaren PR let him out?
New catchphrases - "floaterhomes"
5. (down 3) McLarens' qualifying overalls - still dreadful

Monaco Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 412
2. Lord of the Wings - 342
3. Still Chewing - 336
4. The Best Team - 328
5. Besta di Resta - 320
6. Gurning Rubber - 301
7= The Pitstop Princess - 298
7= Trulli Scrumptious - 298
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 291
10. Must do better... - 261
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 237
12. Hippy F1 - 172
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 146
14. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 121
15. Are all Williams fans masochists? - 118

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Spain Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Maldonado makes Q3 and out qualifies Schumacher - big smiles in the Crawford household (Scottish branch)
2. (new entry) Overtaking - yes please
1. (re-entry) Lots of team radio - only apparently they are now all lying to us to fool the other teams. How do the drivers know when its a lie? Next stop, Pig English.
4. (re-entry) Bruno Senna
5. (new entry) Papa Vettel - return of the Dads.

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) BBC's minotaur bullfighting/Red Bull schlock - are we in Greece? Are we in Spain?
2. (re-entry) What is happening with McLaren's qualifying overalls? Is there some kind of school design-an-overall competition?
3. (new entry) Serious Eurotrash sunglasses - here, there and everywhere. Only, honourable mention to a serial offender, Massa looked good in his Ray Ban aviators.
4. (new entry) Small talk - quite painful watching Button, Hamilton and Vettel trying to josh on camera before going to the podium.
5. (new entry) "Manhugs"

Spain - "Woo hoo. Yabbadabbadee. Ring dinga ding ding."

For some the weekend started with a roasting (Heidfeld) and for some it finished with one. Hot on the trail of bottlegate where Sutil "unintentionally injured" (a plea I hear all too often in the playground) a Renault engineer with a bottle, Heidfeld caught fire out on track ("Get out quickly. Get out quickly.")
It's been quite hard to knit during these races as you have to really concentrate on who is in the pits, who has already been in the pits and how many more stops might everyone have to do. Is driving for "preservation over pace" (Webber) really the way forward?
My other notes from the race include Schumi being interviewed and saying that Rosberg does not have the edge over him, despite being repeatedly out-qualified. Williams had a gear box break during qualifying and followed this up with a rubbish pit stop. So still no points to report..."Are you known as the unluckiest man in Formula 1? Then, come and drive for Williams!"

Spain Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 353
2. Lord of the Wings - 286
3. Still Chewing - 281
4. The Best Team - 266
5. Gurning Rubber - 264
6. Besta di Resta - 261
7= Trulli Scrumptious - 242
7= The Pitstop Princess - 242
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 236
10. Must do better... - 224
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 199
12. Hippy F1 - 147
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 128
14. Are all Williams fans masochists? - 101
15. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 95

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Turkey - "what a great race"

An interesting race weekend all round. From Schumi's "magic paddle" to Vettel's dominance as the "polemaster" (sounds like something you buy from the Innovations catalogue). Red Bull had a mighty confidence in themselves in Qualifying, it almost wasn't enjoyable. Rosberg compensated by heavily outqualifying Schumacher. As well as the endless KERS and DRS chat, it seems that we can now look forward to copious discussion about when Schumacher will quit, again. He feels "the big joy is not there yet".

Last word to Brundle: "It's just like the M25 when you sometimes have to nudge people out the way." What?!

Turkey Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Barrichello takes Schumi - a wee moment of sweetness
2. (new entry) DRS - hurrah for overtaking
3. (new entry) Comebacks - Rosberg, Alonso
4. (new entry) Schumi admits making a mistake - jaw still ajar

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) DRS - why not put rocket burners on the back?
2. (new entry) Vettel on pole - yawn
3. (new entry) Lack of comebacks - Schumacher, Massa, Williams
4. (new entry) Shoddily dressed clapping ladies - one has already expressed one's displeasure with the initial concept and now they are dressed in outfits that were taken directly from Primark's Turkish sweatshops
5. (new entry) Lack of points - mainly for Williams

Turkey Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 287
2. Still Chewing - 234
3= Besta di Resta - 226
3= Lord of the Wings - 226
5. Gurning Rubber - 213
6. The Best Team - 212
7= The Pitstop Princess - 195
7= Trulli Scrumptious - 195
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 189
10. Must do better... - 187
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 151
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 110
13. Hippy F1 - 109
14. Are All Williams Fans Masochists? - 72
15. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 71

Saturday, 7 May 2011

China Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Tyres - you either love or loathe the strategic racing
2. (new entry) Bruno Senna - replacing Eddie Jordan, can we make this permanent? Or Christian Horner?
3. (new entry) Lingerie model good luck charm - the charmed life of Jenson Button
4. (new entry) Synchronised rollerblading angels - possibly a one-time only entry to the charts
5. (new entry) Finishing - Williams and 21 others!

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) McLaren's qualifying overalls - why mimic Ferrari?
2. (new entry) Spitting out champagne - what a waste, Lewis?
3. (new entry) Lack of team radio - doesn't FOM read this site?

China - "absolutely magnificent"

A race of highs, lows and minor shenanigans. DC was all "you try and tell them that these days...and they won't believe you" about the good old days when he was a driver (two years ago!). He turned this around by finally accepting the blame for shunting Wurtz's Williams off. Another high followed when Williams knocked out Red Bull in Qualifying 1. Heidfeld told us that he still aims to win, not only a race but a championship, don't know what Kubica will feel about this. Webber started on a low, "might need binoculars to see the [starting] lights". Button's low was stopping in the wrong pit box. Brundle's low was putting all his commentating experience into coming up with: "All the cars are fighting with all the other cars". Perez followed his debut race high with an almighty low, I think you all spoke too soon. Vettel's high was a masterclass in defending. Ultimately you can have a good car but it your strategy is poor, what is the point?

To finish, I'd like to put in a plea to Bernie for a position tracker down the edge of the screen. Muchos gracias.

China Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 223
2. Lord of the Wings - 173
3. Still Chewing - 172
4. Besta di Resta - 169
5. Gurning Rubber - 160
6. Must do better... - 144
7. The Best Team - 143
8= The Pitstop Princess - 135
8= Trulli Scrumptious - 135
10. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 131
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 123
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 95
13. Hippy F1 - 85
14. Are All Williams Fans Masochists? - 54
15. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 46

Friday, 6 May 2011

Malaysia Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Heidfeld - beautiful start
2. (new entry) New Phrases - this weekend I have added the following to my list of catchphrases:

  • "few squirrels on the track" (DC to di Resta, meaning, "I know a few track secrets")

  • "sounding Harry Flatters to me" (Brundle commenting that a tyre sounded flat)

  • "running in dirty air" (DC, meaning having a terrible time behind someone else)

  • "reaching the cliff" (everyone, meaning "about to become rubbish)

  • "space capacity" (DC, meaning, "all that talent that you don't use")

  • "the Leonardo Da Vinci of Formula 1" (Brundle referring to Newey)

3. (new entry) Lots of team radio - so much more insightful than DC

4. (new entry) Watching the race with my Mum - comments included: "No Country for Old Men" (Schumacher and Barrichello)

5. (new entry) Renault gold suits - my Mum says that he "deserves to win with that suit, dressed for success".

Chart of Loathing

1.(new entry) Calling Vettel the "championship leader" - he's only won one race!

2. (new entry) Kinky Kylie - Vettel give it up, now verging on misogyny

3. (new entry) KERS chat - enough already

4. (new entry) DC - for pronouncing it "Heidfield"

5. (new entry) Facial furniture - Hamilton and Heidfeld mainly

Malaysia - "In the heat, we kept our heads cool"

There was once again, lots to ponder after the race. Why are Ferrari, with most of the world's resources at their disposal (Portugal will be approaching them for a bail-out), gunning for 6 and 7 in qualifying? How frustrated exactly must Kubica be, watching eternal also-ran Heidfeld and ropey Petrov acheiving so much in his car? Could they have glued the cars together a little better this year? Why did Heidfeld chat to Newey after the race? A bit of networking? Does Eddie Jordan have a short neck or always wear high-collar shirts?

It was a difficult race for lots of drivers. Schumacher and Hamilton rallied and pitted and barely saw the track tarmac. Alonso radioed "I'm pushing. I'm pushing. Don't worry." as his team despaired.

Malaysia Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 176
2. Still Chewing - 123
3. Besta di Resta - 122
4. Gurning Rubber - 105
5. Must do better... - 103
6= The Pitstop Princess - 96
6= Trulli Scrumptious - 96
8. The Best Team - 95
9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 92
10. Lord of the Wings - 91
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 74
12. Hippy F1 - 71
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 69
14. Are all Williams Fans Masochists? - 28
15. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 26

Australia Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Petrov - hero of the hour, why didn't he achieve this last year when he was on my team?
2. (new entry) Black and gold - isn't the new Lotus Renault design beautiful?
3. (new entry) Perez - another great new entry
4. (new entry) "Glory Roll" - a new favourite phrase (it means the slow drive down the pit lane after your lap of honour)
5. (new entry) New Season - hooray for it finally starting

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) 107% rule - I feel fundamentally unfair, they pay their money too
2. (new entry) New gizmos - DRS instantly proved useless and KERS wasn't used by the top teams
3. (new entry) Williams - bloody awful performance
4. (new entry) Schumacher - always getting top billing in a team because "he is supersitious about even numbers". Yes, he's also superstitious about accellerating, winning and keeping a car undented.
5. (new entry) McLaren's new caps - they look like something a jester would wear

Australia - "We learned a lot today. Keep that in mind."

What did we learn? Red Bull are still good. Not much can be done improve the overtaking situation. It's no good being the most experienced, smiliest man in F1 in you can't drive.

Australia Results

1. Glock, Stock and Two Smoking Constructors - 106

2. Still Chewing - 68

3. Besta di Resta - 63

4= Gurning Rubber - 56

4= Must do better... - 56

6= The Pitstop Princess - 51

6= Trulli Scrumptious - 51

8. The Best Team - 50

9. Fuelled by Tiger Blood - 47

10. Lord of the Wings - 40

11. Beauty and the F1 Geek - 34

12. Ferrari Fanatic - 39

13. Wheelie Wheelie Fast - 15

14= Are all Williams Fans Masochists? - 8

14= Hippy F1 - 8

2011 Rules - 5. Calendar

13th March - Bahrain - POSTPONED
27th March - Australia
10th April - Malaysia
17th April - China
8th May - Turkey
22nd May - Spain
29th May - Monaco
12th June - Canada
26th June - Europe (Valencia)
10th July - Britain
24th July - Germany
31st July - Hungary
28th August - Belgium
11th September - Italy
25th September - Singapore
9th October - Japan
16th October - Korea
30th October - India
13th November - Abu Dhabi
27th November - Brazil

2011 Rules - 4. Prices

4.1 Drivers

5 stars - Champion
Alonso - £10m (driving for Ferrari)
Vettel - £10m (driving for Red Bull)
Hamilton - £9m (driving for McLaren)
Webber - £8m (driving for Red Bull)
Button - £8m (driving for McLaren)

4 stars - Upper Mid-Field
Rosberg - £7m (driving for Mercedes)
Schumacher - £7m (driving for Mercedes)
Massa - £6m (driving for Ferrari)

3 stars - Mid-Field
Sutil - £5.5m (driving for Force India)
Kubica - £5m (driving for Renault, n.b. currently injured)
Heidfeld - £5m (driving for Renault, n.b. covering for Kubica)
Barrichello - £5m (driving for Williams)
Kobayashi - £5m (driving for Sauber)
Petrov - £4.5m (driving for Renault)

2 stars - Lower Rank w/potential
Maldonado - £4m (driving for Williams)
di Resta - £3.5m (driving for Force India)
Hulkenberg - £3m (reserve driver for Force India)
Senna - £3m (Lotus Renault third driver)

1 star - Lower Rank
Alguesuari - £2m (driving for Torro Rosso)
Buemi - £2m (driving for Torro Rosso)
Perez - £2m (driving for Sauber)
Trulli - £1.5m (driving for Team Lotus)
Kovalainen - £1.5m (driving for Team Lotus)
Glock - £1m (driving for Virgin)
d'Ambrosio - £1m (driving for Virgin)
Karthikeyan - £1m (driving for HRT)
HRT Driver TBC - £500,000

4.2 Chassis

5 stars - Premium
Red Bull - £10m
McLaren - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 stars - Upper Mid-Field
Mercedes - £7m

3 stars - Mid-Field
Lotus Renault - £6m
Williams - £5m

2 stars - Lower Rank
Force India - £4.5m
Sauber - £4.5m
Team Lotus - £3m
Torro Rosso - £2m

1 star - Backmarkers
HRT - £1m
Virgin - £1m

4.3 Engines

5 stars - Premium
Renault (Red Bull) - £10m
Mercedes (McLaren) - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 stars - Upper Mid-Field
Mercedes - £7m

3 stars - Mid-Field
Renault (Lotus) - £6m
Cosworth (Williams) - £5m

2 stars - Lower Rank
Mercedes (Force India) - £4.5m
Ferrari (Sauber) - £4.5m
Renault (Team Lotus) - £3m
Ferrari (Torro Rosso) - £2m

1 star - Backmarkers
Cosworth (HRT) - £1m
Cosworth (Virgin) - £1m

2011 Rules - 3. Communications

A bulletin containing the scores and possibly a little light-hearted banter will be posted on this blog as soon as possible after each race. The blog address is

Team listings will be posted on the blog.

Notification of results by email can be requested.

The blog will also contain caption competitions and competitors are invited to post their punditry on the season.

2011 Rules - 2. How to Score Points

Scoring starts from the Bahrain GP onwards. Fantasy points are allocated based on the performance of your drivers, constructor's cars and engine.

2.1 Drivers
:: The driver who completes the fastest lap in the final qualifying round will receive +15 points.
If a driver receives an engine penalty he will receive points based on his qualifying lap time i.e. we will not penalise FF1 teams for engine changes. Example, Fernando Alonso sets the fastest time in the 3rd qualifying session but has a ten place grid penalty for changing his engine or similar he will still get +15 points.

:: The driver who completes the fastest lap during the race will receive +15 points.

:: The driver who makes up the most positions from their place on the grid (after penalties) to their finishing place will receive +15 points.
In the event of this being tied, the driver finishing in the highest position will receive the points.

:: Drivers that finish the race in the top 10 positions will score points as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th - 2 points
10th - 1 point

2.2 Constructors/Chassis
Each constructor has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th - 2 points
10th - 1 point

2.3 Engines
Each engine supplier has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th - 2 points
10th - 1 point

2.4 Home Track
Each team should pick one circuit as their Home Track (see 5. Calendar). The points scored by their team at this race will be doubled.

2011 Rules - 1. Picking a Team

First you must pick a team name. Anyone who submits a nameless team will not only be allocated a name by me but will score no points for the first race.

You have a total budget of £24million to choose a team comprising of the following:

2 x Drivers
1 x Constructor/Chassis
1 x Engine

Each driver, constructor and engine is given a value based on previous performances and their potential for success during the 2011 season (i.e. the most expensive drivers, cars and engines will be those predicted to be the most successful).

There are no points for coming in under budget.

Deadline for submitting teams is Friday 25 March 2011. Different teams can be made up of identical drivers and constructors but must have a different home track (see 2.4). If you submit a team and home track that has already been chosen you will be invited to pick again (the bonus of submitting early is to get the team you wish).

In the event that a constructor withdraws from the 2011 championship, any FF1 team with their chassis or engine will not be reallocated to a different constructor and will score no more points for that chassis/engine. If a constructor is bought out (even after a withdrawal or break from competing) then any FF1 team with that chassis/engine will receive the points scored by the new constructor. A driver picked by for FF1 team will score points for the team/constructor they drive for or no points if they are not competing, i.e. if they are dropped or their constructor withdraws from the championship.

Only one team may be submitted per human being.

Submission is by email to

1.2 Prizes
To make the league "more interesting", entry is £10, which will be put into a prize money pot. If fewer than twenty teams are entered, the winner will win 60% of the prize, 2nd place 30% and 3rd place 10%. If twenty or more teams are enter then the winner will receive 40%, 2nd place 30%, 3rd place 15%, 4th place 10% and 5th place 5%.

Monday, 7 February 2011

All I Want For My Birthday Is...

shares in Williams of course.

Bonafide team-ownership here I come.

Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars Brings You Urgent F1 Updates

I have received this missive from one of my most eager correspondents:

Kubica has had a prang and hurt his hand. You may wish to highlight this unfortunate incident on your splendid site.
M xxx

Consider yourselves duly updated.

Friday, 21 January 2011

Off-season Challenge

Mr Pitstop Princess has brought this article to my attention. It is possibly the most boring article ever written about F1. I challenge you to find something more banal.

The heatproof glove has been thrown down.