Sunday, 27 June 2010

Valencia Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Kobayashi - well done, son. Two passes in the last two laps. Including one on a twice world champion.
2. (new entry) Paddock nicknames - The Hulk. Although my Mum is much more creative - her best is Trulli Scrumptious.
3. (new entry) Watching the race standing in a pool - with drinks - yes, please, sign me up.
4. (new entry) Ray Bans - as sported by everyone. Do you think they would start sponsoring primary teachers too?
5. (re-entry) Boats - yes, still. I visited Brighton Marina this week.

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) Whinging - Alonso. About Hamilton. I am 9th, he is 2nd. "Be wise and cool".
2. (new entry) Cheating - Hamilton. Again.
3. (new entry) England-Germany football jokes - enough already, we are watching the GP, leave us geeks alone.
4. (new entry) Bickering - EJ and DC. We agree with Bernie: "The BBC must be able to get better people than this?"
5. (static) Return of the Pussycat Doll - today's expression is "concerned".

LATE ENTRY: Post-race steward decisions. I don't enjoy working with spreadsheets, you know. I blame Heinz-Harold Frentzen, I believe he is responsible for most evil things in this world.

Valencia - "That's what I'm talking about"

Valencia is not a circuit that favours the Red Bull apparently. This is a lie. At this race we learnt that Red Bulls are good on all circuits and that Red Bull does give you wings, launching Webber through the air as he tried to overtake Kovalainen by driving over the top of him. Was this Valencia Grand Prix actually any more exciting than the last one, which was derided as a parade? Possibly not. One contentious safety car maketh not a race. It was nevertheless enjoyable to watch Kobayashi's progress and a Williams ending 4th. Although I'm sure one of the worst things a driver (Hulkenberg in the sister Williams) wants to hear over the radio is "Stop and find a fire marshall. Look for an F. Stop now. Now. NOW." It would make me kick the tyre wall in frustration too.

Jake ended the coverage by commenting about "poor, old Michael Schumacher", well one out of two of those facts is correct. Is all the money worth his current ignominy? He hasn't started so far down the grid since he was demoted there for cheating. Ah, the good old days.

This was the first race I have watched with my parents in a long time. The BBC should consider broadcasting my Dad's constant commentary about how much better the MotoGP is compared to the on-screen action on the red button. His best idea was to award all of Webber's points to Kovalainen. Justice in the Crawford household is swiftly delivered and highly punitive.

Europe Results

1. Que Senna Senna - 473
2. The Lord of the Wings - 442
3. Bottle on the tracks - 438
4. Gurning Rubber - 427
5. Liuzzi goes bananas - 413
6. Chew Chew Joe - 407
7. The Young and the Restless - 393
8. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 384
9. Hippy F1 - 379
10= You will never see me in Lederhosen - 351
10= The Pitstop Princess - 351
12. The Beauty & the F1 Geek - 340
13. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 311
14. Wheely wheely fast - 289
15. The Cake King - 274
16. Birley Chassis - 232
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 121

Nb. These scores have been adjusted from the final race results as nine drivers were penalised 5 seconds each for breaching the rules when the safety car was called out.

Sunday, 13 June 2010

Canada Chat - the soft tyre was made of cheese

It was good to watch another race at Montreal. So much action and on at a civilised time. The circuit produced the best qualifying session for a long, long, long time and then a great race with actual overtaking and everything.

In many ways it was a day for reminiscing. Schumacher returned to his old ways, performing badly and shunting people left, right and centre. Ron Dennis returned to the paddock to be smug. And McLaren took up cheating again, not putting enough fuel in the car to return to the pitlane after qualifying. As this makes the car ligher and therefore faster, I say "cheat cheat cheat". They had to give the stewards some peanuts to make up for it.

I don't begrudge Hamilton winning (much) but at least he could be a little excited about it. His radio footage on his lap of honour was so dull that I have had to quote Christian Horner in the title of this post.

I will put a picture up to be captioned as soon as I have time.

Canada Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Canada - it's good to be back
2. (new entry) Williams - for both drivers beating Schumacher in qualifying - how long have I yearned to include them in this chart?!
3= (new entry) Buemi - for successfully overtaking Schumacher
3= (new entry) Liuzzi - for successfull overtaking Schumacher
3= (new entry) Sutil - for successfully overtaking Schumacher
6. (new entry) Radio footage - lots and lots and lots and quite interesting

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Traffic - for holding up Alonso - booooo
2. (new entry) Clear-the-air summits - why not let things fester and come to a head on the track? Much more interesting. It's standard practice at the RSAMD, don't you know Red Bull?
3. (new entry) Blue sunglasses - what next DC? A blue rinse?
4. (new entry) Return of the caption competition - I give up
5. (down 4) Return of the Pussycat Doll - apparantly she brings good luck

Canada Results

1. Que Senna Senna - 436
2. The Lord of the Wings - 409
3. Gurning Rubber - 388
4. Liuzzi goes bananas - 374
5. Blood on the tracks - 365
6. The Young and the Restless - 359
7= Corpus Christi - Trimble - 358
7= Hippy F1 - 358
9. The Pitstop Princess - 338
10. Chew Chew Joe - 332
11. You will never see me in Lederhosen - 318
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 289
13. Wheely wheely fast - 244
14= Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 238
14= The Cake King - 238
16. Birley Chassis - 228
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 117