Brazilian GP - "I love you guys"

Yes

Aussie hats at Red Bull - the best touch amongst all the farewell plans
Rosberg - did everything he could to thwart Vettel but it didn't last long
Susie Wolff - showing she really cares about Williams from the garage
Fernando and Mark - the F1 bromance

No

Ross Brawn speculation - is he going?  There's no statement saying he is.
Alonso - a good start gone bad
No wheels on their wagons - Bottas and Hamilton
Hamilton - look where you're going
Poor pit stops - Vettel finally, finally gets one and it still doesn't hamper his progress
Massa's "doughnuts" - why have Williams hired a driver who can't even do doughnuts?

Lastly, thank you so much for your support over the year.  I hope you've all enjoyed playing and we stand united in our disliking of Vettel.

Brazilian GP & 2013 Season Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,455
2. What up Bianchi? - 1,403
3. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 1,396
4. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,311
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 1,098
6. Rosberg Benz over Hamilton - 1,060
7. Still Chewing - 1,052
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 1,038
9. The Sutil Knife - 954
10. Hippy F1 - 950
11. The Pitstop Princess - 942
12. Superstars - 847
13. Schumacher's Ghost - 798
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 740
15. The Dark Button - 554
16. Year of the Tifosi - 536
17. The Baldy Biker - 515
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 498

I'll be in touch with the top 3 to get their prize money to them.

Apologies in advance

I am going to be in London next weekend visiting Still Chewing, so I won't see the race until Monday evening...The final FF1 results will be up as soon as I can get them.  There's still one hometrack race to play out, so I'm keeping the suspense turned up to 11 for as long as possible!

American GP - "We have to remember these days. There's no guarantee they'll last forever...We have an incredible team spirit. I love you."

Yeeha

Q3 - Bottas 1, Maldonado 18
Bottas' moving wing cam - although it does perhaps make me a little motion sick
Webber's 2.3 second stop - I think it's some sort of camera trick
Bottas' overtake on Gutierrez
Too many star drivers to choose from - Bottas?  Grosjean?
Andretti - a nice change on the podium
Grosjean pronounces it "lo-toos"

No way Hose

Q3 - Bottas 1, Maldonado 18
Hamilton's Michael Jackson tribute helmet
We haven't seen Sutil on camera for a long time - we have seen lots of his girlfriend though
Did we spot those blue necklaces?
Webber's start - he practically retired on the grid
Vettel - the only man in F1 who can make doughnuts boring
Who is on Grosjean's helmet?  Obama?
What are Williams' pitlane procedures that mean they are slower than anyone else?

Sadly the interweb has let me down on lots of questions today.

A last note - should we leave Vettel out of FF1 next year?

American GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,403
2. What up Bianchi? - 1,320
3. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 1,313
4. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,256
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 1,044
6. Still Chewing - 1,017
7. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 1,003
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 986
9. The Sutil Knife - 895
10. Hippy F1 - 892
11. The Pitstop Princess - 884
12. Superstars - 794
13. Schumacher's Ghost - 774
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 705
15. Year of the Tifosi - 511
16. The Dark Button - 502
17. The Baldy Biker - 493
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 476

Abu Dhabi GP - "That was a world champion's drive"

Pffffff...what to say about this race?  Other than bor-ing.  If you have anything interesting to add, please comment below.

Fine

Brundle's labelling a certain section of the grid "the job centre zone"
EJ vs. Brundle on the grid

Rather not

Kimi's disqualification and subsequent crashing out in the first corner - the one potential piece of excitement disappeared so quickly
Croft calling the grid row of Di Resta and Button "all-English" - obviously this doesn't bother me at all but I did have to listen to some whinging about it
Bottas' awful, points-losing pitstop
Button maintaining his anywhere-but-the-points strategy

PS. Apparently it's fines not penalties for doughnuts...boo.

PPS. It has been rumoured that Mr Raikkonen will not be racing at America or Brazil due to not being paid this year, feel free to check back on the rules but FF1 teams do not score points for replacement drivers.

Abu Dhabi GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,316
2. What up Bianchi? - 1,225
3. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 1,218
4. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,202
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 1,001
6. Still Chewing - 981
7. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 967
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 913
9. The Sutil Knife - 840
10. Hippy F1 - 838
11. The Pitstop Princess - 830
12= Schumacher's Ghost - 738
12= Superstars - 738
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 681
15. Year of the Tifosi - 493
16. The Dark Button - 476
17. The Baldy Biker - 475
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 454

Indian GP - "We'll talk about it afterwards"

Apologies if you followed the tweet-a-long but this is pretty much a duplication.

Yep

Massa - did not think I would be tweeting about him leading a race ever again
Jump starts - very retro
Alonso's 1571 helmet - the number of points he has scored (the most ever), nice to see he is investing in a helmet he'll be able to use for a few races
Sutil - the new tyre master, 40 laps on one set
Bottas - holding off several big name drivers during the race
Real mix of teams in top 5
No radio codes - Rocky's message to Vettel: "Raikkonen's on new tyres, he's going to obliterate your lap"
Sporting men on the podium - Rosberg and Grosjean did a good job of celebrating with Vettel rather than sulks and dark looks

Nope

Vettel's Eurotrash roots - perhaps he can get them touched up with his championship win bonus
Eurotrash sunglasses - as sported by Massa, Raikkonen and Alonso
Smog - radios not working, medical helicopters couldn't take off, Rosberg's white overalls were absolutely manky
No sign of penalties for Vettel - abandoning the car on track, running around on track and doughnuts - if Webber had done that...?
Tyre gambling - Kimi needs to break the addiction, he can't make it work and it ruins his results
DRS passes - boring
Button's strategy - if he gets anywhere higher than 16th position during the race, the team call him into the pits

Indian GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,258
2. What up Bianchi? - 1,148
3. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 1,141
4. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,138
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 926
6. Still Chewing - 924
7. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 908
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 867
9. Hippy F1 - 770
10. The Sutil Knife - 772
11. The Pitstop Princess - 762
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 705
13. Superstars - 704
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 635
15. The Dark Button - 459
16. The Baldy Biker - 458
17. Year of the Tifosi - 455
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 438

New for the Indian GP!

Thought I'd try something new for the next Beeb race - interactivity.  I'll be tweeting along to the next race - hashtag TBA.  Follow me at @pitstopprincess for international banter.  I'll be in London, the race is at a reasonably civilised 8.30am and it's my last chance of the season.  Let's give it a whirl.

Japanese GP - "Ichiban, ichiban"

Hai

Suspense - would Massa and Webber move over and follow team orders?  What does "Multi-function strategy A.  Now.  Please." mean, if not "move over"?
Vettel's potential first lap problem - wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, planning and dreaming
Webber's 3 stop strategy - dividing the paddock, did it cost him the race?  An obvious yes from me.
Close finishes - Lotus blamed Grosjean for not doing better (seems unfair) and Button and Alonso was so so close
Torro Rosso will be taking Renault engines next season - will they change their name to Le Boolle Rouge?
Scuderia Principe Pitstop would like to nominate early morning races with hot croissant and dressing gowns.  What's not to love when the alarm goes off at 6.30am?

Iie

Vettel's potential first lap problem - just a lock-up or something...
Rosberg's unsafe release - the worse we've seen in a long time
Another awkward pre-podium prep room chat
Konichiwa - why is it fun to throw in the odd word of Japanese but not of any other language?
Martianaise - is that the national anthem of Mars Eddie?

Japanese GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,171
2. What Up Bianchi? - 1,077
3. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,066
4. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 999
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 891
6. Still Chewing - 876
7. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 828
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 801
9. The Sutil Knife - 746
10. Hippy F1 - 745
11. The Pitstop Princess - 737
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 658
13. Superstars - 657
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 578
15. Year of the Tifosi - 437
16. The Dark Button - 435
17. The Baldy Biker - 434
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 416

An honourable mention this race must go to 100% British Beef Horsepower with the lowest score ever achieved in FF1 - 2.  (I haven't checked the records but it's definitely the lowest this year.)

Korean GP - "tricky but very well done"

Firstly, apologies for the late posting - away in London visiting Still Chewing.

Going Up

Sauber - where have they got this pace from?  And can they give some to Williams?
Great race - if you ignore Vettel, obviously
Grosjean's accent - Red Booll

Going Down

People telling you the result before you've seen the race
Di Resta - 5 races, 5 crashes - and everyone wondered why Sauber took Hulkenberg?
Heat cam - I don't understand the point anymore, this race they showed us that fire is hot
Webber - 2 races, 2 fires - Brundle: "If Mark Webber didn't have bad luck, he'd have no luck at all."
Rosberg's nose failure - the worst I've seen since Michael Jackson
No points for Williams
Geeky pre-podium chat - if in doubt talk about tyres
The Herbert Dilemma - what do you ask Vettel about on the podium?  That tricky overtake?  Fighting his way up from down the grid?  His battle with another driver?
Right Front Tyres

Korean GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,111
2. What up Bianchi? - 1,009
3. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 1,003
4. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 931
5. Still Chewing - 844
6. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 816
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 790
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 772
9. The Sutil Knife - 691
10. Hippy F1 - 684
11. The Pitstop Princess - 676
12. Superstars - 630
13. Schumacher's Ghost - 627
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 564
15. The Baldy Biker - 432
16. The Dark Button - 425
17. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 414
18. Year of the Tifosi - 410

Singapore GP - "What?!"

This was a race where 55 laps were just the build-up for the final few.  It was good to be watching back on Sky but I bet the highlights show was more interesting.

More

Kimi's "bad back" - I wish I achieved that much when I have a bad back
Tom Jones - more amusing that Becks and better looking than the PCD
Raikkonen's overtake on Button
Fireworks - especially at the finishing line
Retro F1 - Alonso gave Webber a ride back to the pits following his fire.  They are probably the only two old enough to remember such chivalry
Humility - Vettel plays up his bad start
New phrases - other teams were "hanging their balls in the pool" whilst Red Bull mechanics kept working, according to Vettel

Less

Restraint - Sky started broadcasting before it had even turned dark in Singapore
Ricciardo - a good sign for Red Bull that they've made the right choice there
Bad luck - Poor Goujon but Webber retains the title of unluckiest drive in Formula One
Giving up - Hulkenberg
Di Resta - most pathetic crash of the season?
Brundle - for telling off the crowd for booing Vettel

Singapore GP Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 1,007
2= Scuderia Principe Pitstop  - 929
2= What up Bianchi? - 929
4. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 851
5. Still Chewing - 808
6. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 777
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 747
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 701
9. The Sutil Knife - 658
10. Hippy F1 - 651
11. The Pitstop Princess - 643
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 574
13. Superstars - 571
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 514
15. The Baldy Biker - 417
16. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 399
17. The Dark Button - 398
18. Year of the Tifosi - 388

Italian GP - "megadrive"

Si

Increased Ricciardo coverage - the grinning buffoon who always pleases
Hulkenberg - a great qualifying and race, remember he was talent-spotted by Williams
John Surtees on the podium - at last someone really qualified to ask the questions
Pitlane engineer-cam - where else can FOM fit cameras? - amusing answers in the comments box please

No

Force India's green team socks, nothing unites a team like the same colour socks
Increased Ricciardo coverage - let's wait until next year
Awkward - all interviews with Hamilton, especially when he wells up, also see EJ interviewing Kasabian and EJ's grid walk generally
Failure to tow - Massa and Alonso
Crazy Frog - as performed by Vettel, who, along with Hasselhoff, is a top notch ambassador for Germany
Radio transmission - "box, box, pit confirm"

Italian GP - Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 852
2. What up Bianchi? - 848
3. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 823
4. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 770
5. Still Chewing - 749
6. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 717
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 705
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 624
9. The Sutil Knife - 615
10. Hippy F1 - 608
11. The Pitstop Princess - 600
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 531
13. Superstars - 509
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 458
15. The Baldy Biker - 396
16. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 379
17. The Dark Button - 375
18. Year of the Tifosi - 359

Belgian GP - "Nice one boys"

Oui

Scuderia Principe Pitstop's Gary Anderson impressions - "When I worked at Jordan we always used wheels."
Scuderia Principe Pitstop is also pleased to see that Ricciardo has had his braces removed

(SPP very much padding out this blog)

Non

Williams qualifying - all I ask is consistent rain
Vettel's first lap overtake - the world's heart sank
DRS overtakes - there's no need in Spa, mid-way through the race, Alonso had managed five overtakes without DRS
Driver radio - "Yellow cheese seven", "Checo, we think the best strategy is to push and get ahead of the cars in front."
Gary Anderson - "There's probably a problem somewhere"
Stewards - punishing Maldonado unfairly
DC's' podium interview technique - 1) quote a statistic 2) ask for a response

Admin

I have coming to have to begin  concerted effort to claim entrance fees from some teams.  Can you contact me if you haven't paid/have been wrongly listed?  Or risk disqualification!

Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton
I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
I have Vettel but I want his points
The Sutil Knife

Belgium GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 802
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 769
3. What up Bianchi? - 768
4. Still Chewing - 692
5. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 690
6. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 689
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 656
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 574
9. The Sutil Knife - 551
10. Hippy F1 - 550
11. The Pitstop Princess - 542
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 516
13. Superstars - 462
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 448
15. The Baldy Biker - 378
16. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 361
17. The Dark Button - 347
18. Year of the Tifosi - 319

Hungary Extra

Our guest blogger would like to draw your attention to this cringeworthy offering from Hamilton:

http://www1.skysports.com/watch/video/sports/formula-1/8845288/hamilton-dedicates-win-to-nicole

 

Surely there must be other people/institutions that he could dedicate his race win to?  Post your ideas as a comment below and we'll see if we can provide him with some inspiration.

Hungarian GP - Banter By Invite

With the Pitstop Princess taking her summer holidays a week before the rest of the paddock, the FF1 championship leader has stepped in to provide your blogging for this event……..

 

"GET IN THERE LEWIS!"

 

On the face of it, events at the 2013 Hungarian Grand Prix panned out to a very familiar script:

 

Qually ends as ever with a Mercedes taking pole and Webber and Di Resta whinging about the car their teams have given them; tyre strategy dominates the majority of the pre-race chat; Vettel ignores team instructions to back off and nearly costs himself points (in this case, tailgating Button); Grosjean looks phenomenal and a potential challenger to the big boys, only to smack into someone (Button) and ruin his podium chances; Alonso is anonymous in the midfield in a below-par, 2011-style Ferrari; one of the Mercedes has a meltdown; and Raikkonen is Mr Consistent, but spends the last laps in a dog fight…..

 

However, this well-worn script is a gripping one (qually aside) and the wheel-to-wheel racing on display by messrs Vettel, Grosjean, Raikkonen, Webber and the ubiquitous Button provided a great spectacle. Sure, Hamilton was never really in any danger of losing the lead short of technical issues, but the top ten order was a dynamic affair. An eventful first lap and ad-hoc tyre strategies meant positions changed hands a fair bit, though with short enough gaps to allow for a contest. There were few lulls and plenty of battles.

 

So, in spite of pole = win and the aforementioned usual patten of event, the last race before summer shutdown served to whet the appetite for the remaining nine rounds. Whilst the finishing order did little to change the championship table, you have to hope that some use this race as a point to reignite their championship hopes (Hamilton and Raikkonen) and other see it as signal for the need to improve when they return at Spa (Alonso/Ferrari).

I'M STILL HUNGARY FOR MORE :

 

"Hey man, I'm trying to focus" - Lewis Hamilton fights back against information overload;

"Kimi, it's Dave" - Lotus appear to now be sending formation lap messages from a Midlands garage;

The magnificent Magyars really know how to reward a winner, presenting hand-me-down china being to the victors…… This year's 'trophy' will be in a charity shop near you soon!

 

BOX, BOX, BOX (and don't let back out the garage):

 

Sky's David 'Crofty' Croft's woeful commentary ("Don't reach for the ice creams yet, there's still a race on");

Paul Di Resta blaming everyone but himself ("Where did that go?!?");

The return of McLaren's 'Tooned' animations, with their borderline racist caricatures….. Maybe the team wouldn't be under performing if they didn't have Whitmarsh, Perez and Co. wasting their time drawing.

 

Note from editor - I'm afraid that despite some excellent writing, our guest blogger has fundamentally failed to provide a true picture of the excitement and overwhelming sense of glorious triumph and revival experienced during the race.  I am, of course, referring to Williams scoring their first point of the season.

Hungarian GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 740
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 698
3. What Up Bianchi? - 691
4. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 623
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 616
6. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 613
7. Still Chewing - 609
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 507
9= The Sutil Knife - 497
9= Hippy F1 - 497
11. The Pitstop Princess - 489
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 477
13. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 421
14. Superstars - 411
15. The Baldy Biker - 338
16. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 323
17. The Dark Button - 307
18. Year of the Tifosi - 293

Suggestions for making Formula 1 more fun

Please submit your ideas by comment, so far...

• Bring back refuelling
• Change the tyres again
• 1 in every 200 tyres is pre-punctured
• Release an actual red bull on to the track
• The Safety Car Randomiser - a computer-generated lottery triggers a safety car situation

German GP - "That was a tough one. They gave me a run for the money"

Ja

Starting grid photos - it's nice to reflect on those start-of-the-school-year haircuts
Split strategies
Webber's wingcam, mounted sideways - more of it please and more Bottas helmet cam too
Rollercoaster between grandstands
Old School action - an engine blow-out, Alonso hitching a lift back on a scooter
Diplomacy - "A good result for the team" - Grosjean

Nein

Double piano national anthem - full of gravitas
Hamilton's start
Massa - when did he last finish race?  Why did he spin off?  Wasn't Smedley furious?
Pit lane disasters
Team orders - "Kimi is stronger than you.   Kimi is stronger than you"
The drawing of a watch on Hamilton's gloves
Bianchi forgetting to put the handbreak on
Vettel's never won in July before - we are scraping the barrell for stats now
Williams wheelgun/nut problems

German GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 670
2. What Up Bianchi? - 649
3. I have Vettel but I want his points - 632
4= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 571
4= Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 571
6. Rowntree's Randoms - 534
7. Still Chewing - 530
8. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 465
9. The Sutil Knife - 460
10. Hippy F1 - 459
11. The Pitstop Princess - 451
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 420
13. Superstars - 390
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 375
15. The Baldy Biker - 289
16. Year of the Tifosi - 279
17. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 274
18. The Dark Button - 259

GB GP - "Great job, great job, excellent job"

Best of British

Thrilling last laps - following the safety car brought out to clear Vettel's poorly parked car, there was some very determined driving (as Webber got the most benefit from this, I see a conspiracy in the offing)
Lotus drivers being allowed to race each other
Massa's start - where did he pull that from or does Smedley operate him via remote control now?
Vettel's loss of drive - anyone else and we wouldn't have enjoyed it
Force India - finally getting the hang of pit stops
Vettel's helmet - decorated with all the members of the team
90s style racing - when waiting for your driver to suffer some form of catastrophe was the norm
Webber and Alonso refer to Vettel as "Michael"

Damp Squib

Chilton - apparently he is no stranger to Silverstone, which will stand him in good stead when he is selling programmes next year
Tyre failures - potentially awful
Pit lane commentary - we are falling out of love.  "Box box tomato three clicks left"
Alonso's evil villain beard
Home grand prixs - Roberg persisted in calling Silverstone Mercedes' home race, even though they are German.  The BBC kept referring to Red Bull as being based in Milton Keynes, even though they are Austrian.  Perhaps your nationality should be based on where you are based.  Wacky.
Sour grapes - "We all made it easy for him" - Hamilton on Rosberg

GB GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 609
2. What Up Bianchi? - 593
3. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 562
4. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 526
5. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 515
6. Still Chewing - 481
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 432
8. The Beauty and the F1 Geek - 428
9. The Sutil Knife - 402
10. Hippy F1 - 401
11. The Pitstop Princess - 393
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 367
13. Superstars - 357
14. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 326
15. Year of the Tifosi - 251
16. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 237
17. The Dark Button - 221
18. The Baldy Biker - 215

Canadian GP - "makes up for two years ago" (or last year)

Not much to write about this race.  Our highlight was watching The Winner Takes Vet Tel Junior's nappy pitstop.  The race was mercifully short.  Having not watched the BBC coverage in a while, it really is suffering.  EJ and DC snipe at each other and the team could not get an interview with anyone worthwhile.

Oui

Watching the Qualifying build-up after Qualifying.  It makes you realise that there is no real insight given during these interviews.  Whitmarsh gave a long chat about making sure you go out at the right time...
Scuderia Principe Pitstop's Wall of Champions - I'll put a photo up when I can
Bottas' helmet cam - but more of it please

Non

The Sky Patented Punditry Method - squinting your eyes and nodding = sage understanding and Active Listening
Di Resta - an angry man who perhaps should take a greater leadership role in the team
The "disorderly queue" putting Raikkonen and Ricciardo back one place on the grid
Eddie Jordan - the ravings of a lunatic, stream of consciousness drivel from a pensioner who thinks he's a rock star
Bottas descent from 3rd
Awkward pre-podium room.  The tactic is that the winner talks to their team representative, one driver looks out of the window and the other studies the results.

Canadian GP Results

1. What up Bianchi? - 567
2. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 544
3. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 515
4. The Winner Take Vet Tel - 489
5. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 427
6. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 391
7. Still Chewing - 388
8. Hippy F1 - 368
9. The Sutil Knife - 365
10. Rowntree's Randoms - 360
11. Superstars - 333
12. The Pitstop Princess - 327
13. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 279
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 273
15. Year of the Tifosi - 219
16. 100 % British Beef Horsepower - 193
17. The Dark Button - 185
18. The Baldy Biker - 180

Monaco GP - "We couldn't imagine you driving it better today"

Oui

Brave stewards - it would have been a long race otherwise
News phrases - "rubber-shod centipede of speed" from Croft
Return to the classic interview - and Prost ditched!

Non

Natalie Pinkham in a bikini - what next?  Damon in trunks?   Herbert in a mankini?
Scandal - it's now testgate, have Mercedes received an unfair advantage from an extra 1,000km on track?  Has it really made a difference?
Broken lap times - or was Bottas really in the pits for most of the race?
Whinging - step forward Button, perhaps it only happens when you're McLaren's No1 driver?
Mind the gap - it's not about the tyres, it's about the gap, oh no, that's the gap you come out into when you've changed your tyres
Waiting until Lap 26 for the first overtake - and that was Di Resta on Massa with DRS.  Then we had to wait until Lap 41 when Hamilton nearly overtook Webber
Groundhog Day - for Massa, just hitting his head repeatedly on the same wall
More rule-reading needed - Grosjean especially needs to review the safety car procedures
Hamilton's hair/beard - just weird
Button/Perez helmets - both look the same in the cockpit
Safety car - usually re-starts the race with dramatic consequences, not today

Monaco GP Results

1. What Up Bianchi? - 483
2. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 480
3. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 448
4. The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 405
5. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 367
6. Harry Morton's Mum - 326
7. Still Chewing - 325
8. Hippy F1 - 313
9. Rowntree's Randoms - 308
10. The Sutil Knife - 302
11. Superstars - 278
12. The Pitstop Princess - 272
13. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 252
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 246
15. Year of the Tifosi - 190
16. The Dark Button - 163
17. The Baldy Biker - 158
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 157

Spanish GP - "I'm happy for all us"

I well remember how happy I was last year after the Spanish Grand Prix, with a joyful Williams win.  As Jordan said: "Mircales don't happen twice in the same place."  How wrong, there was a miracle.  Guitierrez finally came good and scored both fastest lap and climbed the most places from his grid position.  It was a funny old podium, Big Boss Montezemolo spoke to top Ferrari driver Alonso, Ferrari Monkey Massa but not Former Ferrari Star, Raikkonen.  Massa was delighted with his third place and Raikkonen was disappointed with second.

Si

Amazing pit stops - 2.5 seconds for Vettel and 2.6 seconds for Alonso, they barely seem to stop
Maldonado over takes Hamilton
Pit lane feed, still very much enjoyed in the King Crossword household

No

Cryptic radio messages: "Magic diff"..."Improve braking 4 5 6"..."Charlie level ten ten"..."Wheels, chicken, booster, target two"
What race?   Let's just watch the start
Maldonado not hitting the pit lane speed limiter in time
Caterhams - should be penalised for not stopping VDG on track when his wheel was about to come off
Hamilton whinging about a Williams overtaking him
Jordan's jewellry

Spanish GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 409
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 377
3= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 327
3= What Up Bianchi? - 327
5. Rowntree's Randoms - 276
6. Hippy F1 - 274
7. Still Chewing - 260
8. The Sutil Knife - 259
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 256
10. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 253
11. The Pitstop Princess - 233
12. Superstars - 221
13. I'm gonna come at you like a spide monkey! - 214
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 200
15. Year of the Tifosi - 154
16. The Dark Button - 131
17. The Baldy Biker - 126
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 120

Bahrain GP - "You deserved that"

Well done

Struggling in this category today - there was quite a bit of overtaking.

Must try harder

Herbert predicts Massa for the win
Up and coming Brit Max Chilton receives the customary non-stop coverage and adulation from the media, I'm sick of it.....hold on....
Tyre deg and delamination - boooooring
Poor Di Resta, upholding the Coulthard legacy of Nearly But Not Quite
The Face Like Thunder Award is split between Button (has a team mate challenging him) and Gill from Electronics in Red Bull who took the podium only to be snubbed by some of the Bahrain high heid yin
Vettel has lucky charms in his shoes.
Ferrari goes kerput - Massa cannot keep tyres on his car and Alonso cannot shut his flap.
What are the chances - same podium as last year

Max Chilton's engineer: "You're 4 seconds behind Jules"
Chilton: "I'm going to catch him"
Engineer: "Yes you are"

Bahrain GP - Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 331
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 309
3= What up Bianchi? - 287
3= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 287
5. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 216
6= Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 212
6= Still Chewing - 212
8. Rowntree's Randoms - 208
9. Superstars - 198
10. Hippy F1 - 197
11. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 186
12. Schumacher's Ghost - 170
13. The Sutil Knife - 163
14. The Pitstop Princess - 156
15. The Dark Button - 119
16. The Baldy Biker - 114
17= Year of the Tifosi - 108
17= 100% British Beef Horsepower - 108

China GP - "Phenomenale. Grande weekend"

Yes

DC moves on from white jeans
Pit lane feed - we highly recommend getting it on screen during the race - lots of sneaky radio and pit shots
The double Ferrari overtake on Lap 1
Caterhams - crucial role to play.  So bad they're good.
3 races, 3 different winners.  And this year I'm the first to report it.
No Red Bull drivers at either Qually or Race press conferences - can you remember the last time?

No

New rule - whatever your drinks bottle has written on the outside is what should be inside - Capri-Sun, Monster...
Radio code - ruins the pit land feed: "Pork 1.  Box box box."  "Ultra lamination.  Take yellow 33."
Eddie Jordan's jewellery
The ridiculous demands of sponsors.  See Hamilton toting his Blackberry.

Failure to understand basic Health & Safety - if you see a fire, put it out.  Or at least tell someone.  I'm talking about you Force India Rear Jack Man.
Slo mos
Lotus - the three star car
The phrase "young teams".  
Alonso's girlfriend - the new PCD
DC - the podium is no place to launch a stand-up career.  In fact, I cannot think of any venue where DC should launch a stand-up career.
#unlucky - Hulkenberg (had his long lead squashed by a poor pit stop), Webber (criticises the team and finds that not enough fuel has been put in his car and his tyres have holes in), Raikkonen (the dismal start settings on the Lotus cost him a race win), Rosberg (DNF again) and Sutil

China GP - Results

1. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 224
2. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 209
3= What Up Bianchi? - 204
3= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 204
5. Still Chewing - 186
6. Rowntree's Randoms - 165
7. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 164
8. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 163
9. Hippy F1 - 161
10. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 148
11. Superstars - 145
12. The Sutil Knife - 128
13. Schumacher's Ghost - 124
14. The Pitstop Princess - 121
15. Year of the Tifosi - 92
16. The Dark Button - 88
17. The Baldy Biker - 83
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 77

Malaysian GP - "Looked like you wanted it bad enough but there'll be some explaining to do"

Such a lot to talk about this week and sadly most of it based on what happened over the airwaves rather than on track.  It was a weekend of naughty boys.  Raikkonen kicked things off blocking Rosberg during Qually and being penalised three places.  Whilst the close racing between teammates was exciting at the time, the following radio, recrimination, apologies and analysis was out of proportion.  Even in the pantomime villain days of Schumacher, it was shrugged off.  It was tense in the pre-podium prep room and on the podium, a moment that is as much for the fans surely.  Webber blew Red Bull's cover of "multi 21" meaning "hold places" and assuring that his post-F1 career will not be as a spy (and it seems now that that career is looming large on the horizon).  Webber tried manly lunges on the podium to assert some sort of authority and claimed that Vettel "will have protection".  His Dad also felt that the Austrian mafia will be Seb's side.  Webber clearly stated that he felt he won the race.  Meanwhile, Hamilton felt that his third position was Rosberg's.  When did we last see this podium gesturing...  Helmut Marko tried to wave at flying pigs by stating that Mercedes have lead and support drivers.  Ultimately, isn't everyone forgetting that Webber did exactly the same thing to Vettel at Silverstone in 2011.  It's crazy and I doubt that Webber will be supporting Vettel's title challenge later this season.

Ferrari gave the race to Red Bull in the opening laps.  Those who weren't naughty were pretty much silly sausages.  Why wouldn't you bring in a driver whose nose was hanging on by a thread?  Force India also score a mention in this paragraph with the epic fail of their new wheel nuts.  A fault made worse as they double-stacked drivers in the pits.  Toro Rosso were fined 10,000 Euros for releasing Vergne into Pic's path out of his box.  Also, in the pits, Button was released despite one of his mechanics having not signalled that he had finished changing a tyre.  The final silly sausage is Hamilton who drove into the McLaren pit box.  These are all school boy errors - what is happening to F1?

More please

Massa - so so happy to secure P2 on the grid
Return of the gazebos
Ponchos
Benefit of the doubt - owed to Webber and Rosberg now - "remember this one"

No thanks

Interviews and/or slo mo replays of the Pussy Cat Doll
DNF Maldonado

Malaysian GP - Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 164
2. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 147
3= What's up Bianchi? - 146
3= The winner takes Vet Tel - 146
5. Hippy F1 - 125
6. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 115
7. Rowntree's Randoms - 112
8. Still Chewing - 108
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 107
10. Rosberg Benz over Hamilton - 103
11. The Sutil Knife - 85
12. The Pitstop Princess - 84
13. Superstars - 83
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 79
15. Year of the Tifosi - 54
16. The Dark Button - 43
17. The Baldy Biker - 39
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 33

Australian GP - "I told you the car was good"

To set the alarm or not to set the alarm, that is the question.  Whether 'tis wetter in Australia than in Britain...  I did get up at 4.30am but we watched the Q2 and 3 first.  It was a cruel Qualifying for Rosberg, he started off mighty and fell and fell during the weekend.  All hopes of a new star dashed.

Hamilton was interviewed by Sky as part of the pre-race package.  When asked whether he was constrained at McLaren he talked about not fitting "into a stale box" and being "more exciting than that".  Apparently he has more to give.  Let's see how he's planning on outdoing getting both his ears pierced, tattooing his whole arm and dating a Pussycat Doll.  Perhaps he should have signed to Red Bull.  First FF1 Team Manager to spot the next sign of non-conformist excitement wins a prize.

It has been said that the race was a classic, I don't think I agree, when you're tired it all seems like a procession.  I'm very pleased that Raikkonen won and lots of teams seem to be contenders, as long as Red Bull are chasing other matadors.

In a new twist to blogging this season, I am going to include the Charts in the main post.  So here goes...

Yep

Lotus really making those tyres work

Nope

Nico Rosberg having his name on his shoes...hang on, if he could arrange that for all my Primary 1's.
An ornithologists delight - more racing, less birds please Land of Sunshine.
Spot the difference - not only can't I tell the difference between Rosberg and Hamilton but Perez's yellow helmet throws a spanner in the works.
Guitierrez eyebrow.
Pork pie hats on the grid ladies
Bondage reference made by Button to Brundle on the grid
Ricciwho?  I thought there were two Australians competing
Kimi's neck is now wider than his head
Costume change on the podium - just keep the hats on.  It hasn't yet convinced me to open an account with Santander or switch to Vodafone or drink Red Bull or even Capri-Sun

Australia GP Results

1. Scuderia Principe Pitstop - 88
2. Hippy F1 - 82
3. Rowntree's Randoms - 70
4. I hate Vettel but I want his points - 66
5. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! - 65
6= What up Bianchi? - 63
6= The Winner Takes Vet Tel - 63
8. Still Chewing - 56
9. Superstars - 42
10= The Pitstop Princess - 41
10= The Sutil Knife - 41
12= Year of the Tifosi - 40
12= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 40
14. Schumacher's Ghost - 38
15= The Dark Button - 22
15= The Baldy Biker - 22
17. Rosberg Benz Over Hamilton - 20
18. 100% British Beef Horsepower - 16

2013 Teams

Team            Team Name                                             Driver 1            Driver 2            Chassis             Engine                          Hometrack Principal Gareth          Scuderia Principe Pitstop                       Raikkonen         Guitierrez         Red Bull            Mercedes                         Bahrain Lynn              Year of the Tifosi                                      Alonso              Massa              Force India       Ferrari (Sauber)               Monza David            What Up Bianchi?                                    Vettel               Bianchi             Red Bull            Mercedes (Force India)   Monaco Claire            The Pitstop Princess                                Alonso              Guitierrez         Red Bull            Renault (Williams)          GB Adam            Rosberg Benz over Hamilton                 Rosberg            Perez                Mercedes         Mercedes                         China Ben               I'm gonna come at you like a                        spider monkey!                                        Raikkonen         Perez                Mercedes         Renault (Williams)        Abu Dhabi Stephen        I hate Vettel but I want his points        Vettel               Guitierrez         Lotus                 Mercedes                         Singapore Sue               The Dark Button                                        Hamilton          Hulkenberg      Force India       Mercedes (McLaren)       Brazil Mark             The Sutil Knife                                           Alonso              Bottas              Red Bull            Toro Rosso (Ferrari)        Spain Becca            Schumacher's Ghost                                 Button              Bottas              Lotus                 Mercedes                         GB Jennie           Rowntree's Randoms                               Webber            Sutil                  Lotus                 Ferrari                              Germany Mike             100% British Beef Horsepower         Hamilton          Di Resta           McLaren           Renault (Williams)            Laura            Beauty & the F1 Geek                               Vettel               Maldonado       Mercedes         Renault (Williams)          Spain Joe                Hippy F1                                                      Alonso              Guitierrez         Red Bull            Renault (Williams)          Australia Phil               Superstars                                                   Vettel               Button              Force India       Ferrari (Toro Rosso)        GB Malcolm       The Baldy Biker                                         Hamilton          Maldonado       Force India       Mercedes (McLaren)     Germany John              Still Chewing                                              Hamilton          Sutil                  Ferrari              Mercedes                           Chris             The Winner Takes Vet Tel                        Vettel               Bianchi             Red Bull            Mercedes (Force India)   India

1. Picking a team

First you must choose a team name.   Anyone who submits a nameless team will not only be allocated a name by me but will score no points for the first race.

You have a total budget of £24million to choose a team comprising of the following:

2 x Drivers
1 x Constructor/Chassis
1 x Engine

Each driver, constructor and engine is given a value based on previous performances and their potential for success during the 2013 season (i.e. the most expensive drivers, cars and engines will be those predicted to be the most successful).

There are no points for coming in under budget.

Deadline for submitting teams is Thursday 14  March 2013.  Teams can be made up of identical drivers and constructors but must have a different home track (see 2.4).  If you submit a team and home track that has already been chosen you will be invited to pick again (the bonus of entering early is to get the team you wish).

In the event that a constructor withdraws from the 2013 championship, any FF1 team with their chassis or engine will not be reallocated a different constructor and will score no more points for that chassis/engine.  If a constructor is bought out (even after a withdrawal or break from competing) then any FF1 team with that chassis/engine will receive the points scored by the new constructor.  A driver picked by a FF1 team will score points for the team with whichever constructor they drive for or no points if they are not competing, i.e. if they are dropped or their constructor withdraws from the championship.

Only one team may be submitted per human being.

Submission should be by email.

2. How to score points

Scoring starts from the Australian GP onwards. Fantasy points are allocated based on the performance of your drivers, constructor’s cars and engine.

2.1 Drivers
:: The driver who completes the fastest lap in the final qualifying round will receive +15 points.
If a driver receives an engine penalty he will receive points based on his qualifying lap time i.e. we will not penalise FF1 teams for engine changes.

Example, Fernando Alonso sets the fastest time in the 3rd qualifying session but has a ten place grid penalty for changing his engine he will still get +15 points.

 :: The driver who completes the fastest lap during the race will receive +15 points.

:: The driver who makes up the most positions from their place on the grid (after penalties) to their finishing place will receive +15 points.

In the event of this being tied the driver finishing in the highest position will receive the points.

:: Drivers that finish the race in the top 10 positions will score points as follows;

1^st - 25 points
2^nd - 18 points
3^rd - 15 points
4^th - 12 points
5^th - 10 points
6^th - 8 points
7^th  - 6 points
8^th - 4 points
9^th – 2 points
10^th – 1 point

2.2 Constructors/Chassis
Each Constructor has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1^st - 25 points
2^nd - 18 points
3^rd - 15 points
4^th - 12 points
5^th - 10 points
6^th - 8 points
7^th  - 6 points
8^th - 4 points
9^th – 2 points
10^th – 1 point

2.3 Engines
Each Engine supplier has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1^st - 25 points
2^nd - 18 points
3^rd - 15 points
4^th - 12 points
5^th - 10 points
6^th - 8 points
7^th  - 6 points
8^th - 4 points
9^th – 2 points
10^th – 1 point

3. Communications

A bulletin containing the scores and possibly a little light-hearted banter will be posted on the website as soon as possible after each race.  The blog address is http://thepitstopprincess.blogspot.com

Team listings will be posted on the website.

Notification of results updates by email can be requested.

 
The website will also contain caption competitions and competitors are invited to post their punditry on the season.

4. Prices

4.1 Drivers

5 stars - Champion
Vettel - £10m (driving for Red Bull)

Alonso - £9m (driving for Ferrari)
Button £8m (driving for McLaren)

4 stars - Upper Middle Field or How The Mighty Have Fallen
Hamilton - £7.5m (driving for Mercedes)

Raikkonen - £7m (driving for Lotus)
Webber - £7m (driving for Red Bull)
Perez - £6.5m (driving for McLaren)
Massa - £5.5m (driving for Ferrari)
Rosberg - £5m (driving for Mercedes)
Grosjean - £5m (driving for Lotus)

3 stars - Middle Field
Maldonado - £4m (driving for Williams)
Hulkenberg - £4m (driving for Sauber)

2 stars – Lower rank
Di Resta - £3m (driving for Force India)
Bottas - £3m (driving for Williams)
Ricciardo - £2m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Vergne - £2m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Sutil - £2m (driving for Force India)
 
1 star – May As Well Be Driving a Ford Fiesta
Guitierrez - £1m (driving for Sauber)
Pic - £500,000 (driving for Caterham)
Chilton - £500,000 (driving for Marussia)
Van der Garde - £500,000 (driving for Caterham)
Bianchi - £500,000 (driving for Marussia)

4.2 Chassis

5 Stars - Premium
Red Bull - £10m

McLaren - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 Stars – Well-Funded
Lotus - £7m

Mercedes - £6m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Sauber - £5m
Wiliams - £4m

2 Stars – Trying Very Hard
Force India - £3.5m
Toro Rosso - £2m

1 Star – Backmarkers

Caterham - £1m
Marussia - £1m

4.3 Engines

5 Stars - Premium
Renault (Red Bull) - £10m

Mercedes (McLaren) - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 Stars – Well-Funded
Renault (Lotus) - £7m

Mercedes - £6m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Ferrari (Sauber) - £5m
Renault (Williams) - £4m

2 Stars – Trying Very Hard
Mercedes (Force India) - £3.5m
Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - £2m
 
1 Star – Backmarkers
Renault (Caterham) - £1m
Cosworth (Marussia) - £1m

5. Calendar 2013

17^th March - Australia

24^th March - Malaysia
14^th April – China
21^st April - Bahrain
12^th May – Spain
26^th May – Monaco
9^th June – Canada
30^th June – Britain
7^th July – Germany
21^st July – Mystery Circuit
28^th July – Hungary
25^th August – Belgium
8^th September – Italy
22^nd September – Singapore
6^th October – Korea
13^th October – Japan
27^th October - India
3^rd November – Abu Dhabi
17^th November - America
24^th November – Brazil