Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Abu Dhabi GP - "Excellent job"

Firstly, apologies for the very late posting.  As some of you are aware, when we pressed play on our recording of the race, all we had was Davis Cup tennis...Had to wait until Monday evening to watch the race downloaded...

I probably would have enjoyed the race more if I had cared more.

Nice

Our new favourite game - "Where would Alonso rather be?"
Double points - I think very few people noticed that it didn't happen this year.
Female aerodynamicist on the podium for Mercedes - hooray.  The first woman on the podium ever???


Naughty

44? - 44th year of UAE but (by bizarre coincidence) also Hamilton's number and his potential win tally.  I smell a conspiracy.
Bottas' pit stop - Williams (or Willys, as Button insisted on calling them) find a new way to sabotage their own race
Alonso's race strategy - "if there isn't a safety car, I will retire".  Definitely a way to save tyres.
Barrichello's black tie T-shirt - there is lots that money cannot buy
Verstappen's new catch phrase - "He pushed me off the track!"  Then he ignored blue flags.
"Strat 6" "Strat 10" - what was this shenanigans Mercedes were doing?

As always, thanks so much to everyone for playing this season.  We have finished with 20 teams, so the top five will be receiving some dosh sooner or later.  If you want me to keep hold of £10 of it for next season, let me know.

Looking forward to reading all your comments about the race below!

Abu Dhabi GP - Final Fantasy F1 Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,534
2. Sharks have no bones :) - 1,519
3. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 1,517
4. Double Mercedes is boring! - 1,204
5. Go Fast and Prosper - 1,156
6. Mike and the Mechanics - 1,149
7. The F1 Flumps - 1,132
8. Muppet Racing - 1,128
9. Baby on Board - 1,117
10. Lots of Trouble, Usually Serious - 1,093
11. Hippy F1 - 979
12. The Pitstop Princess - 910
13. The Hopefuls - 895
14. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 835
15. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 782
16. No Vices Now - 730
17. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 718
18. The Very Good Value - 708*
19. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 589*
20. 10CC - 522

* Home track

Monday, 16 November 2015

Brazil GP - "yeah guys, awesome" "strap 30, when you can"

Rosberg won this one at Qualifying and it seems fair to say this was the most boring race since the rein of Vettel.  Was the reason behind this an inability to overtake at Brazil?  (Although points to Verstappen for his overtaking.)  Or was the reason that Hamilton had a fever and crashed his (road) car earlier in the week because he was "tired" (and emotional?)?  The BBC were far too nicey nicey with their coverage and I spent a lot of the race wondering if I would be better informed if I was watching Sky.  The high points were Alonso and Button's podium antics on Saturday and male clapping ladies.  The low points include early departures for Alonso and Sainz and Massa being disqualified for having incorrect something with his tires.  Fingers crossed that Abu Dhabi can bring better.

Brazil GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,448
2. Sharks have no bones :) - 1,433
3. Double Mercedes is boring! - 1,150
4. Go Fast and Prosper - 1,108
5.The F1 Flumps - 1,079
6. Muppet Racing - 1,079
7. Lots of Trouble, Usually Serious - 1,044
8. The Pitstop Princess - 860
9. The Hopefuls - 851
10. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 754
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 789
12. No Vices Now - 716
13. The Very Good Value - 684
14. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 681
15. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 573
16. 10CC - 514

Monday, 2 November 2015

Mexico GP - "Excellent job"

Tequila

Stadium section  - the atmosphere came through the TV screen
Instructional radio - to Ericcson: "Try and use the new tyre grip in all areas".  To Hamilton: "...Instruction."
226.8mph - Massa on the straight, I can't comprehend driving that first (stop sniggering Baby Pitstop's Change Crew)
Revenge - best served like gazpacho, Bottas gets back at Raikkonen
Slo mo shots - in particular of Rosberg's pit stop.  So much detail to see.
More radio - to Hamilton: "Do you need a flap adjust?"

Worms

Missing qualification - a new low for Button, although he did score 15 points for making the most places up on the grid
Sergiomania - "And Checo takes a sip of water...."
From bad to bratwurst - for Vettel
Sombreros on the podium - a hat too far
Viva Mexico - Mansell runs out of things to say











Mexico GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,362
2. Sharks have no bones :) - 1,347
3. Double Mercedes is boring! - 1,083
4. The F1 Flumps - 1,028
5. Muppet Racing - 1,020
6. Go Fast and Prosper - 990
7. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 986
8. The Hopefuls - 802
9. The Pitstop Princess - 800
10. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 735
11. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 709
12. No Vices Now - 678
13. The Very Good Value - 664
14. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 635
15. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 551
16. 10CC - 485

Monday, 26 October 2015

US GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,276
2. Sharks have no bones :) - 1,261
3. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 1,259
4. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 1,258
5. Double Mercedes is boring! - 999
6. The F1 Flumps - 977
7. Mike and the Mechanics - 972
8. Baby on Board - 966
9. Muppet Racing - 951
10. Lots of trouble usually serious - 919
11. Go Fast and Prosper - 912
12. Hippy F1 - 817
13. The Hopefuls - 732
14. I blame Clarkson - 722
15. The Pitstop Princess - 714
16. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 680
17. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 656
18. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 624
19. No Vices Now - 611
20. The Very Good Value - 610
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 503
22. 10CC - 445

Orange teams are being disqualified at Mexico unless subs are paid!!!

US GP - "You've only gone and done it mate"

Yeehah

Alaska Coffee Roasting Company - another bizarre sponsorship for Manor?  No, they're the money that Rossi brings!
The return of random radio codes - "Green Cow 3", perhaps a corner?
Restarts - spicing up the racing no end.  The one thing that Rosberg really nailed.
Classic Kimi - Team: "Ready for a new tyres and nose."  Kimi: "okay".
Three drivers leading the race (at least): this is the sort of F1 we like, lots of movement at the front.  And not due to penalties, pit stops, tyres, team orders...

Saddle Sore

Crashing - Sainz: "I crash.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry." (And then walks into the wrong hospitality suite - Manor's.)
Worst possible start - a poor one for Rosberg, followed by a shoving off the track from his team mate
Worst possible ending - a silly mistake for Rosberg and his race, his championship and his manners are gone
Lost noses - two in the first lap
Team collision - Sauber's drivers make the biggest mistake
Losing it all during the first two laps - which team would do a thing like that?  Williams, of course
VSC - unfortunately goes by initials now, meaning it's going to be a fixture, also, how do you know when it's ending?
Lack of experience really starting to show - Kvyat
Frustration - Alonso: "Let's jack it in."  Radio: "No, we're still in the points".  Alonso: "When I not in the points, I come in".  So, he didn't lose tenth place until the last lap.
Awkward cap throwing - for once I think Hamilton was possibly the bigger man
Elton John - ???  Matt le Blanc was there and he is a fan.  Also lots of former drivers.  And professional journalists.  And the lady who sobbed after a selfie with Hamilton.

Monday, 12 October 2015

Russian GP - "What the **** can you do?"

Da

Horner quotes - "Eddie is talking out of his a**e"
Walking free from big crashes - Sainz and Grosjean
Ushankas for the podium - well, the drivers seemed very please with them

Niet

Perry quotes - 15 degrees is "very cool".   Sainz had a "spectacular crash".
Poor qualifying - Kvyat 11th, Massa 15th.  And did it lead to exciting racing as they made their way up through the grid...?
Rosberg out - too early and dashing the chances of a championship climax
Return of the moving chicanes - or, as is says on their garage wall, McLarens
A shame - Sainz and Ricciardo
Raising our hopes - radio to Hamilton: "suspect performance from the rear wing...do not use DRS" - amounted to nothing
Writing "Perez denied Force India's third ever podium" too soon
Raikkonen - boo
Putin the podium room - making it actually less awkward then usual

Russian GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,188
2= Sharks have no bones :) - 1,173
2= DC's Tighty Whiteys - 1,173
4. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 1,172
5. Double Mercedes is boring! - 956
6. The F1 Flumps - 942
7. Mike and the Mechanics - 917
8. Baby on Board - 913
9. Muppet Racing - 896*
10. Lots of trouble usually serious - 872
11. Go Fast and Prosper - 867
12. Hippy F1 - 771
13. The Hopefuls - 681
14. I Blame Clarkson - 649
15. The Pitstop Princess - 648
16. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 647
17. No Vices Now - 611
18= Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 608
18= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 608
20. The Very Good Value - 589
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 485
22. 10CC - 441

* Home track

Monday, 28 September 2015

Japan GP - "Absolutely flawless all weekend"

As good as cardboard car hats

Rosberg on pole - hooray
Franz Tost - first time we've seen him.  Extra points if you know who he is!

As slow as a Honda engine

G1 or G3 - McLaren fail to set up a car for qualifying.  New lows.
Massa - just can't catch a break
Rosberg - just can't get the start right
Lap 1 punctures - should spice up a race but really don't
Criticism - Alonso calls his car "embarrassing" (as he was overtaken by a Sauber) and a "GP2 engine" (as he was overtaken by Verstappen)
Hitting the cones - it was a late call into the pits for Sainz Jr. apparently
Battles that aren't for points - what we watched for most of the race.  Something must be wrong in Formula 1.
No hospitality for Lotus - let them eat cake
Japanese tech - lets down the podium interviews
Kai Ebel - dressed like a clown for the podium interviews (click here for a laugh)
Being "happy with the fightback" - all Rosberg could take from the race

Japan GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,130
2. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 1,123
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 1,122
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 1,115
5. Double Mercedes is boring! - 909
6. The F1 Flumps - 890
7. Mike and the Mechanics - 879
8. Baby on Board - 851
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 829*
10. Muppet Racing - 820
11. Go Fast and Prosper - 812
12. Hippy F1 - 738
13. The Hopefuls - 644
14. The Pitstop Princess - 620
15. I blame Clarkson - 615
16. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 614
17. No Vices Now - 587
18. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 586
19. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 581
20. The Very Good Value - 553
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 460
22. 10CC - 423

*Home track

Monday, 21 September 2015

Singapore GP - "You're great. You're magic."

Sparkling under the lights

Di Resta presenting on Sky - "turn 11 is followed by turn 12", VERY clammy Scotsman abroad
Exiting the pit lane - presenting the most excitement for most of the race - Massa and Hulkenberg, Alonso and Grosjean
Deception - Toro Rosso were leading us to believe they were having a dreadful race, then...
Mechanical failures - hooray, for Hamilton at last
Overtakes - in particular, Rossi overtaking Hamilton, not what he expected from his first F1 race
Reliability - what could Manor Marussia do if they had this year's Ferrari engine?
Multi 21 - Verstappen doesn't give the position back to Sainz, what you get when you employ a teenager

Down a dark alley

RIP Red Bull? - it's a Ferrari engine or nothing for them next year
Button's retirement - it's McLaren or nothing for him next year
Button's lengthy pitstop - a world record?
Tyre PSI chat - and we didn't think the tyre chat could get any worse
"Try HTT 391" - I struggle to change the radio station whilst driving
Throwing away a golden opportunity to score points - Williams
Man on track - not sure how the Beeb covered this but Sky spent a couple of minutes going "not sure why a safety car has been called...hmm...can't see any reason", whilst a shot of a man walking along the track was aired
Crofty - as Button drove into Maldonado and lost his front wing: "looks like severe front wing damage"!
Throwing away a golden opportunity to score points - in their "third best opportunity to score points this season", McLaren retire from 12th and 14th (what a lot of points they missed out on)
Gearbox problems - ruining or contributing to a great race?

Singapore GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,044
2. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 1,037
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 1,036
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 943
5. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 848
6. The F1 Flumps - 832
7. Mike and the Mechanics - 803
8. Baby on Board - 800
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 766
10. Go Fast and Prosper - 759
11. Muppet Racing - 744
12. Hippy F1 - 695
13. The Hopefuls - 601
14. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 574
15. The Pitstop Princess - 566
16. I blame Clarkson - 565
17. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 553
18. No Vices Now - 549
19= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 532
19= The Very Good Value - 532
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 437
22. 10CC - 387

Monday, 7 September 2015

Italy GP - "Don't ask questions. Just execute"

Mighty roar from the crowd

Button in the points for much of the race - what madness is this?
Lapping by Lap 3 - this could make for a more interesting race
Angry Toto - bringing a little excitement to the end of the race
Speaking Italian - Unit 2 Moving Beyond "Thank you" - Massa gives Vettel a lesson

Boos at the podium

Coffee machine bonus - if I was Hulkenberg or even Mehri, I would be expecting more from my F1 career
Taps aff - Verstappen and his Red Bull respond in a very Scottish way to the sunshine
A blonde moment - oh dear
Grid penalties - I agree with Brundle, they should lose points or have some other penalty because this just ruins races
Stalling on the grid - I was out and about on Sunday lunchtime but I was sure I could hear screaming and shouting in the air about 1 o'clock, I should have guessed it was I Monza Brink of Insanity
Out by the third lap - both Lotuses, even the receivers don't want them
Damn the undercut - how did Rosberg overtake Bottas and Massa?
It was all shaping up to be a good race three laps in... - and then it wasn't
Alonso's retirement - and he was a shoo-in for 14th
Fans cheering - as Rosberg's engine blew
Tense moment on the podium - everyone held their breath as we waited to see whether bananas were going to be thrown - Vettel diplomatically stepped in

Italy GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 1,019
2. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 1,013
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 1,012
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 918
5. Double Mercedes is boring!! - 818
6. The F1 Flumps - 816
7. Mike and the Mechanics - 777
8. Baby on Board - 774
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 744
10. Go Fast and Prosper - 728
11. Muppet Racing - 718
12. Hippy F1 - 649
13. The Hopefuls - 581
14. I blame Clarkson - 547
15. The Pitstop Princess - 538
16. No Vices Now - 519
17= I Monza Brink of Insanity - 510*
17= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 510
17= The Very Good Value - 510
20. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 480
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 411
22. 10CC - 367

*Home track

ps. Emails are also going out for non-payment!

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Belgium GP - "Top job...beautiful work"

Oui

Skeletons in the closet - Raikkonen must know about Arrivabene's, how else does he have another contract with Ferrari signed so early?
Overtaking - treats from Grosjean, then Kvyat
Kvyat: "It was really good fun today" - at last a racer who enjoys his job

Non

How did Spa get so boring?
Penalties - ruining an interesting grid
Under starter's orders - Hulkenberg was starting, no he's not, yes he is, no, no definitely not...then Sainz
Poor starts - Bottas and Rosberg threw everything way early doors
Mixing up the tyres - from bad to worse for Bottas
Sunshine - another way to ruin Spa
Getting the marigolds on - the marshals get ready to move Ricciardo's car
Bailiffs at the door - things are looking bad for Lotus but then up again with Grosjean's podium ("don't ask me how or why")
"Hyper-exciting" - EJ sounds like your gran taking selfies
Lauda: "Hamilton is unbeatable at the moment" - disappointing news
Tyre chat - more after the race than before for a change - Vettel was swearing and blaming Pirelli for his missing out on a podium finish.  Pirelli insist the tyre blow-outs have been a "third party problem".  Well, isn't this going to be an interesting new forum in F1?

Finally, what is the new starting procedure?

Belgium GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 969
2. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 961
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 960
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 868
5. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 759
6. Mike and the Mechanics - 725
7. The F1 Flumps - 720
8. Baby on Board - 719
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 692
10. Go Fast and Prosper - 675
11. Muppet Racing - 666
12. Hippy F1 - 603
13. The Hopefuls - 555
14. I blame Clarkson - 522
15. The Pitstop Princess - 505
16. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 483
17. No Vices Now - 447
18. The Very Good Value - 441
19. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 433
20. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 428
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 357
22. 10CC - 328

Saturday, 22 August 2015

Advance Apologies

Due to a visit from unenlightened non-F1 folk, the Belgian GP results probably won't be posted until Tuesday or Wednesday. No spoilers please.

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Hungary GP - "*Italian* *French*"

Exciting Race

Pushing the car - very old skool and against the rules - but shows the right spirit
Excellent overtake - Ricciardo on Bottas
All happening in the pit lane - Grosjean's unsafe release, Hamilton's long stop, lots of speeding
Hamilton's magic engine button - the other drivers don't stand a chance
Kvyat - first podium - and don't forget Verstappen finishing just off the podium
Points for McLaren - at last
Kvyat never gave up - just like a Furchester

Or the "best drivers on the planet" making lots of mistakes?

Jules Bianchi - nothing expresses grief like a hash tag
Stopping short on the grid - Massa gets Williams' race off to a poor start
Blaming Rosberg - Hamilton's response to running off on Lap 1
Excellent overtake - Ricciardo on Bottas
Perez crashing - day after day
Switching it off and on again - Ferrari's response to Raikkonen's loss of power
Scary front wing failures - poor Hulkenberg
Being too pushy at the restart - Hamilton locks up, gets a drive through penalty and then apologises!!!
Puncturing other drivers - Kvyat to Bottas and Ricciardo to Rosberg - booo.  *Chants* Penalty penalty.
Maldonado - seems to be up to his old tricks
"Why are the clapping ladies wearing life jackets?": Go Fast and Prosper - commentary always welcome
Angry pizza? - Arrivabene might need a translator
Honey badger? - refers to Ricciardo apparently

Hungary GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 883
2. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 874
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 873
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 782
5. Double Mercedes is boring! - 694
6. The F1 Flumps - 660
7. Baby on Board - 646
8. Mike and the Mechanics - 638
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 624
10. Go Fast and Prosper - 610
11. Muppet Racing - 579
12. Hippy F1 - 559
13. The Hopefuls - 500
14. I blame Clarkson - 475
15. The Pitstop Princess - 458
16. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 425
17. The Very Good Value - 419
18. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 412
19. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 404
20. No Vices Now - 403
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 333
22. 10CC - 286

Monday, 6 July 2015

GB GP - "Thank you to the fans...this one's for you"

Yes

Flying starts - yes, Williams!
Fighting Talk - Bottas on the radio
Neck and neck down the pit lane - Massa and Rosberg

No

Wearing an IQ Reducer, backwards - Alonso, looking at you.  Briatore still motivates him.
Gary Rhodes hair - on Will Stevens?
Spice Girls - continuing the nineties throw back theme
M&S trailer - oh...
Out on L1 - poor Button...let alone never making the podium at Silverstone
Go Fast and Prosper - told me who won the race before I saw it, ruined all the hope I would have had after the Safety Car on Lap 2
Choice Bedward - "There's a chance here today for Alonso to score some points" [not been heard for many a year].  "At last Mercedes are back where they should be." - because the BBC would rather Hamilton won than we saw a good race.  Validated by DC, when talking about Rosberg catching Hamilton: "Don't panic everybody".
Wet races - everyone has been wanting one for ages and we get some rain and then it completely ruins it for Williams
Frankie Dettori - why not Emma Bunton?  Finally though, some real comparison to see how short the drivers are.

GB GP - Results

1. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 859
2. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 849
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 848
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 758
5. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 664
6. The F1 Flumps - 637
7. Baby on Board - 616
8. Mike and the Mechanics - 608
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 606
10. Go Fast and Prosper - 580
11. Muppet Racing - 549
12. Hippy F1 - 516*
13. The Hopefuls - 468*
14. I blame Clarkson - 449*
15. The Pitstop Princess - 442
16. The Very Good Value - 419
17. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 415
18. No Vices Now - 403
19. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 351
20. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 349
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 321
22. 10CC - 274

* Home track

Monday, 22 June 2015

Austria GP - "Yeeaahh. Come on guys"

Ja

Driver pay - the pay per minute of work for the McLaren drivers must be pretty
Double spin - was anyone else wondering whether Hamilton had "done a Rosberg" in Qually?
Overtaking off the grid - cheers in the Pitstop household when Rosberg took Hamilton
16th and 17th - grid places for the Marussias!
Looking on the bright side - Button went out on Lap 9: "The good thing is that we won't let it get us down".  When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't worry, give a whistle.  And this'll help things turn out for the best...
Vettel's long pitstop - hooray for Massa and Williams
Panicky radio - so worried in the final laps
Cooling room - I'm beginning to think that there's a secret code that if Hamilton is in the cooling room, the drivers will speak anything but English

Nein

Raikkonen and Alonso off on the first lap - I really would like to have seen Kimi take the hand offered by Fernando and walk back hand in hand.
Penalties - give Honda a break or we will lose another engine supplier
Marussia's sponsors - this week AirBNB.  We will be mentioning them in the hope that this drip feed funding continues to allow new teams on to the grid
Hamilton crosses the white pit exit line - triggers the classic comment from Brundle: "one of the fundamental basics of not breaking the rules"
Swearhard Berger's podium interview - no jacket, swore, a little tired and emotional?  Old School F1.

Finally, is it just me or do Mercedes seem happier when Rosberg wins?

Austria GP - Results

1. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 763
2. HamBerg from McCedes Drive Through Please - 762
3. Teutonic Titians, Titanic Twits - 758
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 672
5. Double Mercedes is Boring!! - 585*
6. The F1 Flumps - 552
7. Baby on Board - 545
8. Mike and the Mechanics - 543
9. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 541
10. Go Fast and Prosper - 507
11. Muppet Racing - 484
12. Hippy F1 - 430
13. The Pitstop Princess - 396
14. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 375
15. The Hopefuls - 366
16. I blame Clarkson - 363
17. The Very Good Value - 359
18. No Vices Now - 343
19. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 332
20. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 312
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 277
22. 10CC - 242

*Home track

Monday, 8 June 2015

Canada GP - "..."

As tasty as maple syrup

Qualifying - well done Lotus
Sailing past - that's everyone...past Alonso.  Who branded his team amateurs.  When he finishes his racing career, he's going to be a motivational speaker.
Massa  - nominated for his overtaking
Beavers on track - Bernie's latest idea for spicing up the racing
TFI Friday - sponsored Manor Marussia but not spotted until Mehri's retirement. 
Stevens' voice - first time we've ever heard it
Podium for Williams - hurrah

Moose poo

Qualifying - what is going on Massa, Vettel, Button?
Rain dance - how to make the race more interesting
Matching red shirts and white trousers - that's a look DC and EJ
Too many grid penalties - for once I agree with No Vices Now
Nemesis - Vettel and Alonso apparently...I doubt either would agree
Vettel's slow pit stop - where was all this bad luck when we needed it a couple of years ago?
"Hot rear caliper" - is that painful or sexy?
Grosjean - if a penalty was ever deserved...
McLaren's form - even Williams' dip wasn't so low
Ted Kravitz doing the podium interviews - a cult following in Canada maybe?

Canada GP - Results

1. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 677
2. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 676
3. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 672
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 586
5. The F1 Flumps - 484
6. Baby on Board - 477*
7. Mike and the Mechanics - 471
8. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 467
9. Go Fast and Prosper - 439
10. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 433
11. Muppet Racing - 412
12. Hippy F1 - 371
13. The Hopefuls - 323
14. The Pitstop Princess - 319
15. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 310
16. I blame Clarkson - 310
17. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 304
18. The Very Good Value - 291
19. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 286
20. No Vices Now - 275
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 223
22. 10CC - 201

* Home track

Monday, 25 May 2015

Monaco GP - "well done"

Chips down

Highlights - we all like an exciting race. Hulkenberg contributed by losing his front wing in the first lap. Vettel nearly took Rosberg at the start.
Team radio - lots of it. Including "that's not very nice" from Raikkonen
Mystery - why did Mercedes give Hamilton's race away?
The decent team strategy - Kvyat was given back his race position after Ricciardo could not use his fresher tyres to overtake.
Apologising - the new whinging
Poor maths - Mercedes didn't calculate the gap correctly
Media training - continues to work for Hamilton

Scratch on the yacht

Sainz qualifying exclusion - he missed the weigh bridge. His ever-helpful team gave him the target: "go as quickly as possible and overtake as many cars as possible".
New sponsors - Pharelle William's clothing line sponsors Lotus???
Hulkenberg - punctured Massa
Errors made by 17 year olds - Verstappen is a very lucky boy, ending up with his feet so far in to the barrier and hopping out.
Debut of the virtual safety car - very, very briefly
Lapped cars unlapping themselves - no, no, no
Only knowing two phrases in Italian - Vettel, we suspect you
Sounding angry- the first time Toto has
Only knowing two phrases in Italian - Vettel, we suspect you
Sounding angry- the first time Toto has

Monaco GP - Results

1. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 591
2. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 590
3. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 586
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 500
5. The F1 Flumps - 417
6. Mike and the Mechanics - 404
7. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 394
8. Go Fast and Prosper - 371
9. Baby on Board - 363
10. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 361
11. Muppet Racing - 345
12. Hippy F1 - 328
13. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 281
14. The Hopefuls - 278
15. The Pitstop Princess - 274*
16. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 268*
17. I blame Clarkson - 261
18. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 247
19. The Very Good Value - 226
20. No Vices Now - 210
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 177
22. 10CC - 155*

*Home track

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Spain GP - "Excellent race...well managed"

Woo hoo

Mad Max - painted on the side of the Lotus' - did it affect their driving
Thinking "aren't Red Bull doing well?" - and then realising they are Toro Rosso
Sainz wing cam - excellent shots of the start of the race
Carmen Jorda - no need to comment
5.3 second stop - for Hamilton!  Compares to Vettel's 2.2 seconds
Doing it on the track - Hamilton: "You will have to find another solution".  Money well spent.
Pit stops - Alonso's front jack man leaped, Grosjean want too far, Sainz's was just poor
McLaren have made progress - ???
Winning - yay for Rosberg

Boo

Vettel's lucky coins - tucked into his laces???
Opal Fruits and pencils - Sky's budget has plummeted
Return of Hammertime - but not enough
Toro Rossos - qualifying heroes to race zeroes
Lotus's bad gear - bad idea
Maldonado - did so much with so little and then had to retire, for once a shame
Last lap contact - Kvyat and Sainz, schoolboy error

Spain GP Results

1. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 511
2. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 510*
3. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 504*
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 418
5. The F1 Flumps - 381
6. Mike and the Mechanics - 364
7. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 354
8. Go Fast and Prosper - 317
9. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 309
10= Muppet Racing - 305
10= Baby on Board - 305
12. Hippy F1 - 261
13. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 230
14= The Pitstop Princess - 222
14= The Hopefuls - 222
16. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 218
17. I blame Clarkson - 216
18= No Vices Now - 210
18=The Very Good Value - 210
20. I Monza brink of Insanity - 208
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 176
22. 10CC - 155

*Home track
Nb. a clerical error was made and the official home track for Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits is Spain not Bahrain.

Monday, 20 April 2015

Bahrain GP - "Get in there mate"

Smelling of rosewater

Button is running the London Marathon next weekend - I might eat a marathon in support
Sparks - looking good under the floodlights
Maldonado out of position - promised shennanigans
Radio - lots of it this race, Bernie must have had a word
Passing - lots from Rosberg and Nasr.  Hooray.
BBW - nearly giving Hamilton some grief

Covered in dust

Suzy: Jenson Button not running must: "be frustrating for Jenson Button and indeed for Jenson Button fans" - literally tens of Brits vent their frustration
Failing to get off the grid - I'm looking at you Massa
Identical twins - I can't tell the difference between the McLarens and Force India
Sauber overtaking Williams - boo
Wheels not on the wagon - Ericsson
"I don't know why we have a problem" - because you took a big detour off the track, Vettel

Bahrain GP Results

1. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 425
2. Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 412*
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 338
4. Sharks have no bones :) - 332
5. The F1 Flumps - 328
6. Mike and the Mechanics - 297*
7. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 287
8= Go Fast and Prosper - 253
8= Baby on Board - 253
10. Double Mercedes is boring! - 245
11. Muppet Racing - 238
12. Hippy F1 - 212
13. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 195*
14. The Hopefuls - 178
15. I blame Clarkson - 171
16. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 168
17. The Pitstop Princess - 160
18= No Vices Now - 158
18= The Very Good Value - 158
20. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 154
21. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 134
22. 10CC - 115

*Home track

Monday, 13 April 2015

China GP - "stellar weekend"

I begin with a caveat about this banter...I was watching the BBC highlights - for the first time ever.

Waving cat

1st lap - lots of excitement
Camera action - in particular the shot of Sainz' spin from Perez' car
Women on the pit wall - at Red Bull now
Aggressive passes - go Verstappen: "If you just see a gap, you have to go for it"
ERS hot seats - a toasty bahookey for Hamilton.  This might be the only thing that makes the race at the front interesting this year, where's the thermostat?
Epic battles - Ricciardo and Ericsson, Button and Maldonado - lots of great moves
Return of the backmarkers - both Manor Marussias racing, with McLaren and Maldonado helping them out
Dancing in the car - Hamilton celebrates his win
Finishing races - go Manor Marussia!
Media training - Hamilton seems to have been on a course...articulate and interesting.

Hidden dragon

Rookie mistake - Sainz second lap spin, "don't talk in corners"
Ricciardo's start - the anti-stall kicked in, although my Mum said: "it looked like he forgot to go".  A poor race after that but he still won the points for most places made up from grid position.
Battle of the Daniels - as artificial as the grass?
The highlights edit - it is impossible to keep up with who has stopped and not.  I am suggesting a special graphic.  THEN, they showed the whole of the British anthem but cut the German.
Radio chat - it was all "don't talk to me...tell Lewis to hurry up" from Rosberg
Gear boxes - ruining races for Sainz and Hulkenberg
"Crashtor" Maldonado (copyright BBC online!) - overshot the pits and needed the marshals help to recover - on tarmac!, then a spin, then a crash (although JButt admitted fault).  A bull in China.
Anti-Button Brigade - who knew it existed?  And who knew it is spearheaded by my Mum?
Losing 8th place - shouldn't have happened to Verstappen
Anti-climax - the race end
Whinging - Rosberg overtakes Hamilton.  Also winning the prize for using the word "unnecessary" the most in one interview.
Chauvinism is still alive in F1 - DC to Suzy: "That's a good point [did you think that up yourself in your pretty, little head?]
Grosjean's English accent - what has happened?  Wyde.  Fink.

China GP Results

1. DC's Tighty Whiteys - 345*
2. The F1 Flumps - 271*
3. HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 258
4= Sharks have no bones :) - 252
4= Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 252
6. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 228
7. Baby on Board - 191
8. Go Fast and Prosper - 183
9= Muppet Racing - 179
9= Mike and the Mechanics - 179
11. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 175
12. Hippy F1 - 164
13. The Pitstop Princess - 132
14. I blame Clarkson - 131
15. The Hopefuls - 121
16= No Vices Now - 120
16= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 120
16= The Very Good Value - 120
19= Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 111
19= I Monza Brink of Insanity - 111
21. Juan Angus Fangio  C.I - 108
22. 10CC - 78

*Home track

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Malaysia GP - "Numero Uno is back"

Yes please

Front wing cameras - on Bottas and Rosberg's cars, great shots
Pit crew helmet camera - interesting
Petting Vettel -  "good boy, good boy"
Resurgence of McLaren - Button: "we're catching cars".  Team: "Hulkenberg is holding them up."
Rookies - Mehri finished the race and Verstappen become the youngest ever points-scorer

No thanks

EJ - "The people of Germany should get together and discuss the loss of the race".  Agenda Item #2, the loss of Greece from the EU?
Penalties - lots of rubbish ones issued, starting with Grosjean
Doubting - why did Raikkonen go past the pit lane with a puncture?  Because Nasr tapped after the pit lane (no penalty)
Sauber's pit - appeared to be tacked on to the end of the pit lane...what happens if even more teams race next year?
Retro happenings - Ericcson beached himself
Missing wheels - Bottas
Early baths - for McLaren
Graphics disaster - just as I'd started to rely on the coloured lines that indicate the team, they got all mixed up

Malaysia GP Results

1= HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 171
1= DC's Tighty Whitey - 171
3= Sharks Have No Bones :) - 162
3= Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 162
5. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 161
6. Baby on Board - 138
7. The F1 Flumps - 125
8. Go Fast and Prosper - 118
9. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 114
10= Muppet Racing - 112
10= Mike and the Mechanics - 112
12. Hippy F1 - 99
13. The Pitstop Princess - 96
14. I blame Clarkson - 88
15= The Hopefuls - 78
15= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 78
17= No Vices Now - 76
17= I Monza Brink of Insanity - 76
17= The Very Good Value - 76
20. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 72
21. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 61
22. 10CC - 40

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Australia GP - "nice work...excellently managed...solid race"

Bonza

Hope - Button thinks the McLaren Honda package "will challenge Mercedes".  Granted he said this before he didn't score points in a race where only 11 cars finished.
Blue and yellow - congrats Sauber and Banco de Brazil for a lovely looking car.
New graphics - cleaned up for the new season.  I am appreciating the clear pit stop times and removal of driver numbers
Penalties - where were they?  This feels like a bygone era.
Adrian Newey - back in the pitlane?  Must be desperate times for Red Bull.
Debuts - amazing rookie races by Sainz and Nasr (5th!)
Mamma mia! - Vettel sucks up to the tifosi with some bella Italian
Arnie's interview plan - spend a long time chatting with the eloquent Germans and no time at all with Hamilton

In the dunny

Engine failure - Kvyat changed one before qualifying had even started, that's failing before you've even written your name at the top of the paper.
Van der Farce - Guido came to his senses and realised that if he wanted a team manager to take him on board ever again, suing the lovely Monisha Kaltenborn for a drive was not the way forwards.   We saw why he took desperate measures once the race was over and the points were tallied.
Manor Marussia - staying put in the garage.  What happened to money-saving measures?
Too young for leg hair - Mehri
Return of Ron - hmmmmm
#44 - why would you not use #1 when you have earnt it?  Heritage too fuddy duddy for you?  You don't have a tattoo of it?  44 nets you more merch money?
Not making it to the grid - Bottas does his back in.  Magnussen and Kvyat's cars don't get them round their out laps.  Bring back reserve cars.
Poor starts - Raikkonen - come on, please, get it together.
Missing out on easy points - Lotus, I'm looking at you
Radio silence - how boring now all the team radio chat is tyre chat and fuel saving
Poor pitstops - never happen to the right person.  I think Sainz's was meant for Hamilton
Unlucky - Verstappen had a great inaugral race, marred only by some poor parking when his car failed
Unreliability - more pre-season testing is needed

Finally, who knew Arnie was so short!

Australian GP Results

1. Lots of Trouble Usually Serious - 110*
2= HamBerg from McCedes drive through please - 105
2= DC's Tighty Whiteys - 105
4= Sharks have no bones :) - 96
4= Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits - 96
6. The F1 Flumps - 74
7. Hippy F1 - 65
8. Go Fast and Prosper - 65
9. Baby on Board - 62
10. Double Mercedes is Boring! - 61
11= Muppet Racing - 55
11= Mike and the Mechanics - 55
13. I blame Clarkson - 45
14. The Hopefuls - 43
15. The Pitstop Princess - 38
16= No Vices Now - 30
16= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 30
16= The Very Good Value - 30
19. Juan Angus Fangio C.I. - 26
20. Baby Pitstop's Change Crew - 23
21. I Monza Brink of Insanity - 17
22. 10CC - 12

*Home track

ps. please let me know if you notice any indescrepencies, it was a mammoth spreadsheet this year.

Friday, 13 March 2015

2015 Teams

We have a whopping 22 teams playing the Fantasy F1 game this season. Welcome to all the new managers. Enjoy!

Team Principal; Team Name; Driver 1; Driver 2; Chassis; Engine; Hometrack
Chris; Teutonic Titans, Titanic Twits; Nasr; Manor Marussia Driver #2; Mercedes; Mercedes; Bahrain
Gareth; Baby Pitstop's Change Crew; Ricciardo; Grosjean; Ferrari; Ferrari (Manor Marussia); Bahrain
Joe; Hippy F1; Ricciardo; Stevens; Sauber; Mercedes; Britain
David B; Sharks have no bones :); Nasr; Stevens; Mercedes; Mercedes; Japan
Adam; HamBerg from McCedes drive through please; Ericsson; Stevens; Mercedes x2; Spain
John; No Vices Now; Bottas; Hulkenberg; Williams; Mercedes (Williams); Belgium
Susan; Go Fast and Prosper; Kvyat; Nasr; Mercedes; Mercedes (Williams); Brazil
Malcolm; Juan Angus Fangio C.I.; Bottas; Massa; Williams; Renault (Toro Rosso); Abu Dhabi
Jennifer; DC's Tighty Whiteys; Ericsson; Stevens; Mercedes; Mercedes; China
Claire; The Pitstop Princess; Rosberg; Hulkenberg; Williams; Renault (Toro Rosso); Monaco
Phil; The Hopefuls; Button; Kvyat; Mercedes; Ferrari (Manor Marussia); GB
Lynn; I Monza Brink of Insanity; Bottas; Kvyat; Toro Rosso; Ferrari; Italy
Stephen; Double Mercedes is Boring!; Kvyat; Hulkenberg; Williams; Mercedes; Austria
Colin; The F1 Flumps; Hamilton; Stevens; Williams; Mercedes (Force India); China
Laura; Beauty & the F1 Geek; Rosberg; Grosjean; Williams; Ferrari (Manor Marussia); Monaco
Alistair; Muppet Racing; Grosjean; Verstappen; Williams; Mercedes; Russia
David W; Lots of Trouble Usually Serious; Grosjean; Maldonado; Williams; Mercedes; Australia
Cameron; 10CC; Bottas; Grosjean; Williams; Lotus (Mercedes); Monaco
Becca; I blame Clarkson; Button; Maldonado; Mercedes; Renault (Toro Rosso); GB
Mark; The Very Good Value; Bottas; Hulkenberg; Williams; Mercedes (Williams); Abu Dhabi
Mike; Mike and the Mechanics; Grosjean; Verstappen; Williams; Mercedes; Bahrain
Jennie; Baby on Board; Kvyat; Massa; Force India; Mercedes; Canada

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

1. PICKING A TEAM

First you must choose a team name.   Anyone who submits a nameless team will not only be allocated a name by me but will score no points for the first race.

In this time of austerity, Formula 1 has introduced cost-cutting measures.  Your total budget this year has risen to £55million.  With this budget you must choose a team comprising of the following:

2 x Drivers
1 x Constructor/Chassis
1 x Engine

Each driver, constructor and engine is given a value based on previous performances and their potential for success during the 2015 season (i.e. the most expensive drivers, cars and engines will be those predicted to be the most successful).

There are no points for coming in under budget.

Deadline for submitting teams is Thursday 12 March 2015.  Different teams can be made up of identical drivers and constructors but must have a different home track.  If you submit a team and home track that has already been chosen you will be invited to pick again (the bonus of entering early is to get the team you wish).

In the event that a constructor withdraws from the 2015 championship, any FF1 team with their chassis or engine will not be reallocated a different constructor and will score no more points for that chassis/engine.  If a constructor is bought out (even after a withdrawal or break from competing) then any FF1 team with that chassis/engine will receive the points scored by the new constructor.  A driver picked by a FF1 team will score points for the team with whichever constructor they drive for or no points if they are not competing, i.e. if they are dropped or their constructor withdraws from the championship.

Only one team may be submitted per human being.

Submission should be by email to the usual address.

1.2 Prizes
To make the league “more interesting” entry is £10, which will be put into a prize money pot.  If fewer than twenty teams are entered, the winner will win 60% of the prize, 2nd place 30% and 3rd place 10%. If twenty or more teams enter then the winner will receive 40%, 2nd place 30%, 3rd place 15%, 4th place 10% and 5th place 5%.


2. HOW TO SCORE POINTS

Scoring starts from the Australian GP onwards. Fantasy points are allocated based on the performance of your drivers, constructor’s cars and engine.

2.1 Drivers
:: The driver who completes the fastest lap in the final qualifying round will receive +15 points.
If a driver receives an engine penalty he will receive points based on his qualifying lap time i.e. we will not penalise FF1 teams for engine changes.

Example, Fernando Alonso sets the fastest time in the 3rd qualifying session but has a ten place grid penalty for changing his engine he will still get +15 points.


:: The driver who completes the fastest lap during the race will receive +15 points.

:: The driver who makes up the most positions from their place on the grid (after penalties) to their finishing place will receive +15 points.

In the event of this being tied the driver finishing in the highest position will receive the points.

:: Drivers that finish the race in the top 10 positions will score points as follows;

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points

9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.2 Constructors/Chassis
Each Constructor has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points

9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.3 Engines
Each Engine supplier has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points

9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.4 Home Track


Each team should pick one circuit as their Home Track (see 5. CALENDAR).  The points scored by their team at this race will be doubled.