Brazilian GP - "Oh my God guys"

The season finishes with a lot of uncertainty, many drivers and unsigned and seats are empty.  Schumi drove his last race in F1 (fingers crossed) having celebrated by driving round his outlap with a chequered flag and delivering a radio message to his supporters: "get ready to rumble".

Before Hamilton fills his seat at Mercedes, he told DC that McLaren is the best team.  Onwards and upwards, eh? 

Then the lights went out.  Vettel's poor start meant he was in the pack and ripe for a collision.  Whilst Massa and Alonso went out front, both Williams went out in lap one.  There was lots teammate-on-teammate action during the race, McLarens, Red Bulls and Ferraris running close together and the Torro Rossos running in to each other.

The rain and poor pitstops through added spice into the mix.  No two forecasts were the same or even informing of the same amount of rain currently falling.  The thrills and spills kept coming so we were never sure who would win the drivers championship: Hulkenberg taking out Hamilton, Hulkenberg getting a drive-through penalty, drivers moving over.  Ultimately Alonso couldn't have done more and why was Massa so upset on the podium?

It was a great race, a classic, ending the most competitive and tense seasons for a long, long while.  Expectations are high for next year.

Brazilian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Rain - not enough to have us watch a stopped race but enough to make it very exciting
2. (new entry) Massa - absolutely stunning driving on 1st and 2nd lap, which continued throughout the race as he demonstrated why he is the best teammate  in F1
3. (new entry) Hamilton's helmet - another beauty
4. (new entry) Rallying - Raikkonen's excursion (and subsequent points finish) played a part in this unique race
5. (new entry) Hulkenberg - spiced up the championship race by taking Hamilton out

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Exciting races - I didn't get any knitting done
2. (new entry) Hulkenberg - hero to zero and a real shame that he took out Hamilton
3. (re-entry) Schumacher - giving his place to Vettel.  Seb - it's only unfair if you have more than one driver who will make way for you (no mentioning of the Torro Rossos too)
4. (new entry) Piquet - more vetting is needed for the on-podium interviewer.  To Alonso: "I'm sorry about you."  To Massa: "You start the year not very good."
5. (re-entry) Schumacher - milling about at the end and claiming all the glory, well, I suppose if he hadn't inspired Vettel to drive...

Brazilian GP & Championship Results

1. Better the Vettel you know - 1,132
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 1,061
3. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 1,056
4. Still Chewing - 1,042
5. White Jeans - 1,038
6. Wyld Stallyns - 1,002
7. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 990
8. The Pitstop Princess - 959
9. La Pic di Resta - 951
10. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 875
11. Crash of the Titans - 852
12. Parkes Winners - 822
13. The Lord of the Wings - 814
14. Hippy F1 - 806
15. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 745
16. Push Pete's Button - 699
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 681

Poll results

60% of you thought Horner was 49 last week.  Well, the shocking truth is he was 39.

US GP - "We definitely deserved that one"

Race morning did not hold a promising outlook.  Button had said that overtaking was unlikely and Alonso was far down the grid on the dirty side.  Then Ferrari gave pundits an early Christmas present by deliberately breaking the seal on Massa's gear box to move him five places down the grid.  Ferrari's spokesman said that: "Felipe is a strong part of the team.  His decision reflects the spirit of the team."  Yes, he's very much part of the team and not the teamleader.  Felipe said they had made the decision in order to have both cars on the clean side of the grid.  He is very gullible.  He was asked if Alonso had spoken with him: "Yes".

On to the race.  As Mr Pitstop Princess commented: "It's so easy to pass Schumacher these days".  Indeed, he finished 16th, having started 5th.  Ferrari possibly lost the drivers championship with a poor pitstop, especially when you compare it to the amazing stops of Vettel and Raikkonen.

As much as it pains me to say it, I'm glad Hamilton won as it keeps the championship alive.  Roll on Sunday.

ps. apologies for the delay in posting the results but our internet connection has been Grosjean (great occasionally but usually crashes).

US GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) The Circuit of the Americas - delivered a great race
2. (new entry) Winnebago's - to watch the race from the top of, what a wonderful idea
3. (new entry) Texan head wear - Vettel's helmet design and the winner's stetsons
4. (new entry) Sky's coverage - notably the shot of two Americans missing a high 5
5. (new entry) Showers forecast - for Interlagos, promises to be one of those great showdowns

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Texan head wear - again - lampshades in China and cork hats in Australia to follow
2. (new entry) Panoramic shots of the car parking facilities - indicative of the lack of inspiration by the television directors for this race
3. (new entry) Pitstop replays - see above
4. (new entry) Andretti - all statement and no questions
5. (new entry) Not knowing - would Massa have won if he hadn't taken the penalty?

US GP Results

1. Better the Vettel you know - 1,100
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 1,050
3. Still Chewing - 1,009
4. White Jeans - 999
5. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 996
6. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 962
7. Wyld Stallyns - 957
8. The Pitstop Princess - 938
9. La Pic di Resta - 891
10. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 832
11. Crash of the Titans - 776
12. Hippy F1 - 757
13. Parkes Winners - 754
14. The Lord of the Wings - 716
15. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 685
16. Push Pete's Button - 668
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 666

Abu Dhabi GP - "Yeehah, woohoo" "Thanks guys. Great job."

The BBC F1 trio were sent out the desert for this race's build-up.  Instead of being covered in jam and buried in the sand, as hoped, they sat on a tree trunk wearing keffiyehs.  I expect we will see Stetsons in Texas, bowl of fruit hats for Brazil and lampshades in China.

Despite this there was a lot to look forward to in the race with seven different teams in the top 8 grid positions and Vettel being sent to start from the pit lane.  It didn't disappoint, although there must have been a lot of disappointment in the paddock post-race.  With Vettel's astonishing finish, Alonso has no luck (but still not taking the position of unluckiest driver which sits with Webber).  The shunt of the season was delivered by Rosberg and Karthikeyan.  It was joyous to hear the Finnish national anthem again and Schumacher is now the only world champion currently racing not to have won a race this year.  Why was there so many mistakes for what should have been a processional race?

Finally, does the pit exit remind anyone else of the Funhouse circuit?

Abu Dhabi GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Vettel - even though we wish he hadn't even scored points, he drove an outstanding race
2. (new entry) Strops - normally featuring in the Chart of Loathing demonstrated by Hamilton but Raikkonen delivered some outstanding ones over the radio today
3. (new entry) Anything you can do, I can do better - swearing on the podium
4. (static) Glittery helmets
5. (re-entry) Bacon rolls - thank you Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) DC's interview technique - "Statement.  Statement.  Statement.  Tell me about it."
2. (new entry) Eddie Jordan's shirts
3. (new entry) DC's cringy Texan accent (take note Beeb, he struggles with Scottish)
4. (new entry) Lotus crotch-arrow overalls

Abu Dhabi GP Results

1. Better the Vettel you know - 1,032
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 982
3. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 930
4. Still Chewing - 921
5. White Jeans - 916
6. The Pitstop Princess - 906
7. Wyld Stallyns - 898
8. Sebastian Vettel's High-Flying Turds - 873
9. La Pic di Resta - 838
10. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 770
11= Crash of the Titans - 729
11= Hippy F1 - 729
13. Parkes Winners - 712
14. The Lord of the Wings - 688
15. Ferrari Fanatic - 658
16. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 636
17. Push Pete's Button - 633

India GP - "Thank you each and everyone one of you, wherever you are"

Can we believe Bernie is 82 years old?  I hope I am still running a billion dollar business when I am that old.  I suppose I shall have to as that will be well below the age required to claim my pension.

Other people were also celebrating this weekend.  Massa had bought himself some new sunglasses to celebrate getting a new contract with Ferrari (!!!???).  Karthikeyan and Force India received more television coverage than they had cumulatively had all season.  Raikkonen is still third in the championship, rumour has it if he succeeds even less and still achieves third in the championship, he might smile.

Every silver lining is another man's cloud though.  Webber's body language on the podium was that of a man unsure where he was on the hangman's scaffold or Grand Prix podium.  Schumacher scored his eighth retirement out of sixteen races.

I leave you with a couple of musings.  Why are we calling "towing" "drafting" now?  Why isn't the atmosphere good in McLaren at the moment and how does Alonso know?

India GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Alonso - for his first lap overtake of the McLarens
2. (new entry) Bangra dancing - on the podium, much more interesting than the clapping ladies
3. (re-entry) Damon Hill - back after a two race absence
4. (new entry) Shiny helmets - Hamilton went all Bollywood

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) DRS - yet again negating any good racing happening
2. (new entry) Punctures - as suffered by Schumi, Maldonado and Perez and doing nothing to make the race more interesting
3. (new entry) Crazy frog - another good reason why Vettel should not be allowed to win races
4. (new entry) Sam Michael's nipples - could Mr Boss please design him a different shirt?

India GP Results

1. Better the Vettel you know - 961
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 904
3. Wyld Stallyns - 871
4. The Pitstop Princess - 866
5. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 862
6. White Jeans - 850
7. Still Chewing - 840
8. La Pic di Resta - 809
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 796
10. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 711
11. Hippy F1 - 699
12. Crash of the Titans - 682
13. Parkes Winners - 670
14. The Lord of the Wings - 658
15. Ferrari Fanatic - 625
16. Push Pete's Button - 621
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 610

Korean GP Banter - "woohoo"

As Jake said when closing the BBC coverage, not a classic race but jiggles up the championship.

It kicked off with Grosjean eating a hefty slice of humble pie but he managed to keep his slate clean during this race.  To keep the crashes coming, Kobabashi returned to old form.  Unfortunately, he took out a couple of drivers who could have made the race interesting.  Instead the only thing that made it interesting was Hulkenberg and feral astroturf.

Going in to the last five races, things have become sadly predictable Schumacher-style, Vettel is going to dominate and everyone else will process along behind him.  Let's home that Webber finally cracks and disobeys team orders, some miraculous new part sends Alonso's Ferrari into warp speed or it rains a lot.

Korean GP - Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Monisha Kaltenborn - first female team principal
2. (new entry) Hulkenberg - my driver of the day for that double overtake round the outside of Hamilton and Grosjean
3. (new entry) Vettel's water-bottle carrier - would be very useful when I'm teaching to have someone on hand to pass me my water

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Bedward - unable to recognise cars, which I would have thought would have been an "essential" on the job description:  "Senna's on a lap, what can he achieve" - on the screen he's driving in the pits
2. (new entry) Gangyam Style - please no more, a peculiarly Asian-style of torture
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su1mVnhIDrM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qOcFmQhttU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igmZUnqH258 - the most painful....stick with it
3. (new entry) Beeb build-up - a poor combination of the above, a compilation of Grosjean's Greatest Hits and Coulthard informing us that to be quick a driver needs to take the racing line
4. (new entry) Johnny Herbert - the barrel continues to be scraped for podium interviewers
5. (new entry) Rubber in slotgaps - enough already

Korean GP Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 854
2. The Pitstop Princess - 818
3. Wyld Stallyns - 807
4. Better the Vettel you know - 801
5. White Jeans - 788
6. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 782
7. Still Chewing - 777
8. La Pic di Resta - 769
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 740
10. Crash of the Titans - 650
11. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 642
12. Hippy F1 - 634
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 619
14. Parke's Winners - 614
15. Push Pete's Button - 599
16. The Lord of the Wings - 593
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 559

Japan GP - "Yes, baby. Yes, baby."

Following a couple of first corner incidents, the rest of the race was fairly processional.  With the early start, this did mean that dozing off didn't matter so much.  The excitement of those first eight races has wained now.  It was a race for those that needed it though.  Vettel has closed the gap to Alonso in the world championship, Kobayashi may secure his drive at Sauber for next year after getting on the podium and Massa did the same to start his campaign for his Ferrari seat, Schumacher climbed the most places from his grid start, to try and prove that his un-retirement wasn't pointless.  Judging from his qualifying he seems to be getting used to being a slow, Sunday driver ready for his second retirement.

When it was all over, Massa showed how long it has been since he was last on the podium by tripping over it and spilling his champagne.  Grosjean looked like he was about to cry, apparently not crashing "was his objective" and it was a "stupid crash".  A crash nonetheless and ruined what could have been an up, close and pacy race.

Japan GP - Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Kobayashi - the man of the moment
2. (new entry) Straight talking - as heard from Raikkonen ("I spun...I don't care about the others.") and Webber ("first lap nutcase Grosjean")
3. (new entry) Bacon sandwiches - essential snackage for early races, thank you Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing
4. (new entry) No clapping ladies - thank you Suzuka for a dignified approach
5. (re-entry) Nico Rosberg - despite an awful race (or lack of it), he went to see Kobayashi on the podium

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Bullying - Johnny Herbert advocates the GPDA sitting Grosjean down and telling him how bad a driver he is
2. (new entry) Jean Alesi - scraping the barrel for interviewers on the podium and while we're discussing it, they should also be in the local language
3. (new entry) No Damon Hill - just Ant and Johnny
4. (new entry) Ant's crush - returning to Sky for this race, we can see Ant's unrequited love for Georgie blossoming

Japan GP Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 807
2. The Pitstop Princess - 759
3. Wyld Stallyns - 757
4. White Jeans - 756
5. Still Chewing - 751
6. Better the Vettel you know - 727
7. La Pic di Resta - 725
8. KAMIMAZE KOBAYASHI! - 714
9. Sebastian Vettel's High-Flying Turds - 681
10. Crash of the Titans - 631
11= Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 609
11= Ferrari Fanatic - 609
13. Push Pete's Button - 598
14. Hippy F1 - 585
15. Parke's Winners - 579
16. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 550
17. The Lord of the Wings - 544

Singapore GP - "You beauty Seb...you've won the Singapore Grand Prix again"

Disclaimer

The Pitstop Princess is delighted to welcome you to the first Guest Post.  Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing was delegated the responsibility of reporting and charting the Singapore GP.

Singapore, the new Monaco; Singapore, the Monaco of the future; Singapore, the Monaco of the East....... Let’s be honest though, folks, on track it’s usually a better circuit for the viewer than it’s Mediterranean idol.

Sky have been chomping at the bit for this race, having used it in their promos for the past 10 months. However, I watched it on BBC – it was a buy-off between BBC’s painful opening skits (Dragon boats? Really?) and Sky punctuating their elongated build-up with ‘tributes to drivers who die in horrible ways’ features. Plus it’s always fun watching drivers flirt with Lee McKenzie, especially when they’re testing the new F1 video game, which is now on the Xmas present list [AEEDR has sufficient sports video games, please do not feed the animal. - Ed].

Qually had the now regular not-so-shocking “shocks” - Kimi struggling, Massa not turning up - but Q3 was overall painfully dull. Aside from Pastor’s “shock” in getting to the front row AND staying there (he’s usually got a grid penalty in the bag), and Grosjean (AKA Beaker from the Muppets) trying to kill himself, the only other point of interest was when I sat on the remote and ended up viewing a “to upgrade to this channel” screen. It was more enjoyable than watching cars sitting in the garages.

Amazingly, the race itself started without major incident (I’m assuming a Caterham team collision isn’t classed as major) and the incessant safety car predictions commenced. After that, the common problem with street circuits - that they’re too slow overall to produce good racing, reliant on DRS (diminished reality system) and pitting to produce changes in order - came to the forefront. By lap 20 or so, both myself and Fernando Alonso were wishing Nelson Pique Jr. was still in F1 to mix up this race. Where Monza two weeks ago flew in, this one was dragging early on.

McLaren’s tactic of providing one of their drivers with a faulty car lead to the first real moment of note, costing Hamilton a lead that only Vettel looked like taking.  As the race reached the halfway point, Fernando and Pastor lit things up with some brilliant wheel-to-wheel racing... But the pointless Karthikeyan, his HRT and the subsequent safety car (who had lap 33?) put pay to that. That said, Pastor driving while being told his car was gubbed and Button trying to dink Vettel did add something to the ten minute procession.

The safety car interlude was clearly enjoyed by Mr Schumacher alot, as he got it back out within 30 seconds of the restart by rear-ending  Vergne. One wonders why Schumi didn’t get a race ban, since that crash was even more reckless than Grosjean’s in Spa and he also mounted a car in Barca this year.

On re-restart, Massa and Senna took over from their more illustrious teammates in providing some drama. Filipe’s form is slowly improving and at this rate he’ll have a drive next year. Obviously, not with Ferrari. In other news, we found out that team orders are in use at Lotus, though the team waited until after some aggressive racing to tell the drivers.

Once it was announced Old Father Time (Bernie?) would bring this race to an unnatural end, some thrilling, if messy, midfield battling ensued. However, no main challenger changes occurred and Vettel walked away with an anticlimactic win. Following the rarely seen countdown clock, the obligatory excuses, bitching and team move rumours followed...

When all is said and done, Sky’s marketing dept were right that cars do look pretty under the lights.

Chart of Lust
1. (new entry) Sparks flying under the cars – Gets the pulse rate going
2. (new entry) Flashing lights on Vettel's helmet - It’s nice that he let the Girl Guides decorate it [Girl Guides prefer a copious spread of sparkly stickers - Ed.]
3. (new entry) Williams v Ferrari – Provided the best wheel-to-wheel in ages
4. (new race) Night race – Purely because I hate getting up early for the other Asian races
5. (ne entry) Fireworks – Makes every race win feel like the Superbowl and Wrestlemania

Chart of Loathing

1. (Re-entry) Cool vests  - Honestly, man up! If I have to work in a stuffy office because old women need the heating jacked up then you can sit in a car and live with being a wee bit clammy, Jenson!
2. (new entry) Jake going to BT – I like him, he’s non-threatening and relatable... [Am seriously considering how things stand between us - Ed.]
3. (new entry) Slow corners – Doesn’t make for good racing
4. (new entry) Back marker passing under safety car – Takes too long and fighting through back markers makes for an added twist
5. (new entry) Blisters on the bum – Some vulgar filler-chat from DC

Singpore GP - Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 729
2. The Pitstop Princess - 724
3. Wyld Stallyns - 708
4. La Pic di Resta - 676
5. Still Chewing - 666
6. White Jeans - 663
7. Better the Vettel you know - 640
8. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 617
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 599
10. Crash of the Titans - 580
11. Push Pete's Button - 576
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 571
13. Hippy F1 - 545
14. Parke's Winners - 543
15. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 536
16. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 510
17. The Lord of the Wings - 504

Italian GP - "So grateful for this opportunity"

Firstly, if anyone has suggestions what the tally marks signify on Vettel's helmet, please post below.  My ideas are number of how many races since he won or how long until he can approach Whitmarsh for Hamilton's vacant seat.

This was a race with lots of twists and turns.  I can't remember when there were so many DNFs due to break-downs.  Some drivers did avoid misadventure though.  Senna started off with many adventures but came out in the points.  Massa had a brilliant start but was a sitting duck to Alonso's onslaught ("He should get the DRS.")  Button must have been gutted to park the car ("No drive.  No drive.  No drive.").  Horner stated that this circuit "doesn't flatter their package", however their package was certainly lacking.  They really need to fix that alternator and Webber's spin and later retirement was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Lastly, a word for those who don't get so much press.  Perez is my man of the match, Maldonado made up the most places from his grid start (having had "no more trips to the stewards" written on his helmet), Senna ended in the points even though Mercedes engines were supposed to have the advantage and Rosberg scored the fastest lap.

Italian GP - Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Perez - what a hero
2. (new entry) Massa's start - never has a good start been more needed

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Adverts - specifically Alonso for Ferrari aftershave and Vettel for Infinity.  An honourable mention for McLaren's Tooned
2. (new entry) Nicky Lauder's belly
3. (up 2) Facial furniture - perhaps Gillette could sponsor Hamilton, for the good of everyone

Italian GP Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 683
2. The Pitstop Princess - 675
3. Wyd Stallyns - 659
4. Still Chewing - 623
5. La Pic di Resta - 621
6. White Jeans - 618
7. Better the Vettel you know - 588
8. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 567
9. Sebastian Vettel's High-Flying Turds - 554
10. Ferrari Fanatic - 552
11. Crash of the Titans - 542
12. Push Pete's Button - 538
13. Parkes Winners - 494
14. Hippy F1 - 488
15. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 481
16. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 462
17. The Lord of the Wings - 447

Belgian GP - "..."

How the mighty have fallen.  Vettel didn't make Q3...again.  Ross Brawn's poor tactical decisions meant Rosberg also qualified poorly.  Sauber went from hero to zero in a matter of laps.

A fairly good race, Button sitting out front where he is most comfortable and some overtaking behind him.  It's just a shame that every time someone pulled out a great move, they lost it in the DRS zone.  Time for a rethink I think.

Apologies for the delay in getting these published.  Must to better.

Belgian GP - Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (up 1) Senna - for completing the fastest lap of the race in a Williams
2. (re-entry) Lucky pink shirt - strikes again
3. (new entry) Gaffs - Bernie announces Schumi's second retirement and Hamilton tweets his telemetry

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Accidents - terrifying and also ended Alonso's 23 race-run of point-scoring (even more disappointing because he would have broken Schumi's record)
2. (re-entry) DRS - making good overtakes null and void
3. (new entry) Maldonado - yet another DNF
4. (new entry) Spinning flags - flags should be fabric
5. (new entry) Facial furniture - see Hamilton's face

Belgian GP Results

1. The Pitstop Princess - 644
2. Wyld Stallyns - 634
3. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 623
4. White Jeans - 591
5. Still Chewing - 582
6. Better the Vettel you know - 573
7. La Pic di Resta - 567
8. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 565
9. Sebastian Vettel's High-Flying Turds - 532
10. Crash of the Titans - 501
11. Hippy F1 - 484
12. Push Pete's Button - 478
13. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 477
14. Parke's Winners - 462
15. Ferrari Fanatic - 448
16. The Lord of the Wings - 443
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 433

Hungarian GP - "Let's try and keep this up, right"

I started off feeling very positive about this race weekend.  I hadn't realised that Senna had not made Q3 yet.  I finished feeling that this was the worst race yet this season (saying much in a season where Valencia has already occured).  All the tyre and pit stop chat contributed nothing.  McLaren's Plan A/Plan B seemed to spice things up a little.  McLaren would do well reading Aesop's Fables.  Slow and steady wins the race, these super-speedy pit stops only help win a race when all 4 tyres go on to the car.

Maldonado received his 6th penalty of the year.  What can Williams do when he pays so much to balls up?  And why is Sam Michael shown on TV more now he is in a lesser role at McLaren than in his leading role at Williams?

What are you most looking forward to when the season starts back up?  Post your answer in a comment.  For me, Raikkonen and Goujon seem desperate to win and I'm highly anticipating watching them taking the fight to Alonso, McLaren and Red Bull in September.  I'm also planning to reclaiming the top spot in the Fantasy league.

Be warned though, I'm taking advantage of the break to claim all the unpaid subs.

Hungarian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Lotus - definitely no team orders
2. (re-entry) Senna - able to rise to the occasion unlike a certain (ex?) Ferrari driver
3. (new entry) Hamilton admits to a season of poor starts - jaw to floor
4. (new entry) Hamilton compliments to the Renault - more positive about the team than either driver
5. (new entry) Summer breaks - definitely enjoyed mine

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Tension - admittedly the best small talk available to view on television
2. (new entry) Placido Domingo - huh?
3. (new entry) In-car strops - Vettel in a case of the terrible twos (championships)
4. (new entry) Not reading the rules - even seven-times champions should do make the time
5. (re-entry) Clapping ladies - please no more

Jury's Out

Olympics - "Charles OlymPIC", special helmets....
McLaren animation

Hungarian GP - Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 590
2. The Pitstop Princess - 588
3. Wyld Stallyns - 583
4. White Jeans - 542
5. Still Chewing - 539
6. Better the Vettel you know - 523
7. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 521
8. La Pic di Resta - 515
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 483
10. Crash of the Titans - 448
11. Push Pete's Button - 432
12. Ferrari Fanatic - 421
13. Hippy F1 - 411
14. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 406
15. Parkes Winners - 384
16. The Lord of the Wings - 370
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 355
18. AbeFromanRacing - 280

German GP - "Tonight we will party"

It seems where one driver triumphed this race, his team mate disappointed.  Massa continues his concerted efforts to lose his seat at Ferrari, holding up Alonso during qualifying and finishing 12th.  Grosjean felt that the rain came quicker on his car than any other, Raikkonen beginning to show little glimpses of his former self.  Hamilton drove his 100th grand prix and celebrated in his traditional manner of throwing his toys out of the pram, whinging and then finally remembering his PR training for when his helmet comes off.

There was a five second spread over the top ten on the grid, which seems so unusual now.  It didn't seem to make for a topsy turvy race though.  It finished with some on-podium tension between Vettel and Button badly masked through champagne japes and glitter.

German GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Head to head pitstops - some more old-fashioned F1 excitement
2. (new entry) Platitudes - enjoying "coulda, woulda, shoulda doesn't count" from Webber
3. (new entry) Jubilee chic - a Union Jack tacked on to Webber's helmet design and a half Vodaphone, half flag offering on Jenson's cap
4. (new entry) HRT cream and gold overalls - 70s classic styling for the boys at the back
5. (new entry) Rosberg - for his "go faster tablets" quip during Brundle's track guide.  Try that at the Olympics and they'll have you urinating in a cup faster than McLaren can change a set of tyres.

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) Whinging - displayed firstly by Schumi about the rain (!) then the usual "tyres not working" from Button then Hamilton in-car about his puncture
2. (new entry) Sky race guide with the McLaren drivers - like the Virgin media ads for those that haven't seen it, lots of pointing and swiping at nothing.  Pretty much like their driving.
3. (new entry) Fan blowers - cooling the drivers.  I think they should return to using large palm leaves.
4. (new entry) Jubilee chic - ubiquitous, enough already
5. (new entry) Not-quite-pink-enough - a la Papa Button's shirt.  Not quite lucky enough for a win.

German GP Results

1. The Pitstop Princess - 538
2. Wyld Stallyns - 519
3. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 515
4. White Jeans - 482
5. Better the Vettel you know - 480
6. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 478
7. Still Chewing - 473
8. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 421
9. La Pic di Resta - 417
10. Push Pete's Button - 397
11= Hippy F1 - 387
11= Ferrari Fanatic - 387
13. Crash of the Titans - 382
14. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 371
15. Parkes Winners - 358
16. The Lord of the Wings - 346
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 314
18. AbeFromanRacing - 260

Nb. These results are now altered following Vettel's penalty.

GB GP - "Great stuff. Another great day for us"

On the Saturday it looked like the race was going to be an cracker: wet weather forecast and Button qualified 18th, going out in Q1, so will be overtaking through the pack.  And didn't we go on and on about the weather.  I would like to point out that Wyld Stallyns and myself sat through a whole race of that weather!  Did anyone give us a medal?

It turned out to be my most disappointing race of the season, which is fairly damning criticism when you consider we have had Valencia.  All you folk who thought Petrov was a bargain, if it looks to good to be true and it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  Maldonado is turning into the bullied child of this year's class.  I was going to say that he is the new Kobabashi...And Lee MacKenzie, what a stirrer! 

Ultimately McLaren were nowhere and I'm not fully sold that Red Bull deserved that victory.  Webber is definitely being ditched by Red Bull though.  If Ferrari had a better second driver, where would they be right now?

The only person who truly triumphed out of the race is The Pitstop Princess!  I've never led the FF1 league before, although I feel like Alonso, out front right now but for how long can I hold the pack off?

British GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Wet qualifying - God's sprinkler system works again
2. (new entry) Ferrari's revival - all looking good at long last for Fernando
3. (new entry) Fall of the Regenmeister - the old has-been proves he is just that in qualifying
4. (new entry) New podium format - I think I liked it - what do you think?
5. (new entry) Senna - putting in some overtaking moves at last

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Austrian national anthem - for the team based down the road in Milton Keynes
2. (new entry) DRS - the biggest player in this race
3. (new entry) The new Muddly Talkers - Eddie Jordan: "He is absolutely up there on his ability".  Alonso: "professionality".  Alonso gets lets off as he is making up words in a different language, Eddie's Colmanballs have no excuse.
4. (new entry) Wet qualifying - let them race
5. (new entry) Clapping ladies - freshley recruited from your nearest Santander branch

British GP Results

1. The Pitstop Princess - 508
2. Wyld Stallyns - 487
3. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 470
4. Better the Vettel you know - 456
5. Still Chewing - 445
6= White Jeans - 442
6= KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 442
8. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 396
9. La Pic di Resta - 385
10. Push Pete's Button - 371
11. Hippy F1 - 355
12. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 341
13. Crash of the Titans - 335
14. Ferrari Fanatic - 324
15. The Lord of the Wings - 314
16. Parkes Winners - 313
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 276
18. AbeFromanRacing - 217

European GP - "Fantastica"

My word, an unpredictable race at Valencia which has shaken up the championship standings as well as the FF1 standings.  There was shedloads of overtaking, so much so that the director didn't know what to show us (is that being generous?)  Not my favourite race of the year, with so many penalties being awarded to Williams' drivers, however you have to love Di Resta's "nom nom" driving noises.

We can now firmly establish that McLaren don't read this blog or don't value my advice, as they have not been practising pit stops as previously recommended.

Generally I felt there was a lot of looking back and a lot to look forward to from this race.  We saw the return of Kobabashi, poor sportsmanship from Spaniards (booing when Vettel retired), cars actually retiring on track (when was the last time that happened in a top team?) and old skool flag-waving from Alonso.  What am I looking forward to?  Lotus Renault finally achieving their true potential and either driver taking a win and Maldonado cooling down to get back on to winning form.

European GP Results

1. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 429
2. White Jeans - 422
3= Still Chewing - 401
3= Better the Vettel you know - 401
5. The Pitstop Princess - 392
6. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 387
7. Wyld Stallyns - 381
8. Push Pete's Button - 360
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 351
10. La Pic di Resta - 340
11. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 325
12. Crash of the Titans - 305
13. Ferrari Fanatic - 287
14=  Hippy F1 - 273
14= The Lord of the Wings - 273
16. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 270
17. Parke's Winners - 280
18. AbeFromanRacing - 186

Canadian GP - "Fantastic mate"

As it's nearly a week since the race took place, here are some bullet points of things I enjoyed, things I found interesting and points for discussion.

• Alonso's red, metallic sunnies - Eurotrash king, stealing Schumi's one remaining crown
• What is it about Canada that brings out the old men?  Andretti, Fitipaldi, Herbert, Villeneurve, Schumi.
• There was some need to reconsider practises and procedures in the pitlane.  Mercedes went for a fists over screwdrivers strategy and McLaren need to spend more time practising pit stops.
• What did we think of the constant Hamilton radio?  I like the radio feed but...
• Bear with me, I am encouraging Mr Pitstop Princess to put the Pussycat Doll dance he did during the race on to YouTube.
• Overall a reasonable ending and a mildly interesting first step of pit stops.

Canadian GP Results

Apologies for the delay in posting, between weddings and endless rehearsals time has been short.

1. White Jeans - 403
2. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 394
3. Still Chewing - 381
4. Better the Vettel you know - 374
5.Wyld Stallyns - 365
6. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 360
7.The Pitstop Princess - 339
8= La Pic di Resta - 318
8= Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 318
10. Push Pete's Button - 310
11. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 290
12. Crash of the Titans - 267
13= Hippy F1 - 251
13= The Lord of the Wings - 251
15. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 246
16. Parke's Winners - 234
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 229
18. AbeFromanRacing - 157

Monaco GP Results

1. White Jeans - 334
2= Still Chewing - 314
2= Better the Vettel you know - 314
4. Wyld Stallyns - 304
5. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 298
6. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 295
7. The Pitstop Princess - 291
8. La Pic di Resta - 275
9. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 253
10. Crash of the Titans - 236
11= Hippy F1 - 233
11= Lord of the Wings - 233
13. Push Pete's Button - 228
14. Parke's Winners - 223
15. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 206
16. Ferrari Fanatic - 200
17. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 196
18. AbeFromanRacing - 146

Spanish GP Banter - "Good job"

Advance warning - if you are not a Williams fan, stop reading.  I make no apologies for my near-unreserved joy today.  Tempered only by the subsequent tragedy of the fire in the Williams garage.

I'm not sure whether everyone will have found today's race a nail-biting drama watched from behind spread fingers but there certainly was a lot of drama in the last 12 laps.  As Williams and Sauber make great breakthroughs the overwhelming feeling (apart from sootiness) down the pit lane is disappointment.  Alonso and Raikkonen plastered on smiles and hoisted Maldonado on to their shoulders but there was sadness in their eyes.  Cracks are beginning to show at McLaren, Whitmarch discussing his long night of "lots of conversations with Lewis", who presumably was tempted out with football stickers, sweeties and a new pair of earrings.

Considering who could be the 6th winner this year at Monaco, I am now rooting for Senna and, more realistically, Raikkonen.  A good outside bet might be Grosjean, who put in the fastest lap in Spain.  It's all to play for.

Spanish GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (re-entry) Pastor Maldonado - hero of the day
2. (new entry) Lapping cars - Williams lap Red Bull - hurrah!
3. (new entry) Venezualan national anthem - beautiful to hear
4. (new entry) 5 races, 5 different winners - how long can this continue?  Monaco generally throws up surprises.

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Fires
2. (new entry) Schumacher - for ruining Senna's race.  A 5 place grid penalty is not sufficient given that the incident meant that Senna's car was not in parc ferme after the race and therefore wrecked in the fire.
3. (new entry) Grosjean - for attempting to ruin Senna's race
4. (new entry) Whinging - this week's culprits are Button and Alonso
5. (new entry) Making a 64 year old man sprint 100 metres - cruel Jake

Spanish GP Results

1. White Jeans - 312
2. Still Chewing - 291
3. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 281
4. Better the Vettel you know - 265
5. Wyld Stallyns - 257
6. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 249
7. The Pitstop Princess - 234
8. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 231
9. La Pic di Resta - 222
10. Crash of the Titans - 214
11= Hippy F1 - 190
11= Lord of the Wings - 190
13. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 184
14. Push Pete's Button - 182
15. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 176
16. Ferrari Fanatic - 165
17. Parke's Winners - 155
18. AbeFromanRacing - 123

Notes: Having reviewed the rules regarding qualifying demotions, Maldonado was awarded 15 points for pole rather than Hamilton.  The Adjudicator felt that as Hamilton gave a pole time with car that was lighter than legally allowed and subsequently demoted, rather than being demoted for an engine or gearbox change penalty, the moral (and actual) pole scorer is Maldonado.

Bahrain Banter - "......................"

Qualifying brought good and bad news for the race. It looked as though Vettel was back in the lead however Schumi fell out in Q1 and there were some good teammate battles in the offing with huge gaps on the grid at some teams (Toro Rosso, Mercedes, Lotus).
Massa finally pulled something out of the bag for this race, he must have been threatened with something. My man of the day though was Raikkonen, looking very unfit and sullenly glancing at the bright side of life. All round it seemed to be an unhappy race for most (leaving aside those allegedly being beaten just outside the track), McLaren taking the biggest beating from it's drivers at the press conference.
Still there's lots of time to practice pitstops, memorize codewords for team radio and recreate Mercedes aerodynamics before the next race.

Bahrain GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) No team orders - Raikkonen made it very clear in the post-race press conference that there will be no team orders and that this was going to lead to some great racing this season
2. (new entry) 4 races, 4 different winners - this is what F1 has been missing
3. (new entry) New phrases - my current favourite is "Raikkonen heading for the fridge" meaning, he's out of qualifying/the race
4. (re-entry) Damon Hill - he's so polite, e.g. "minnow teams" not backmarkers
5. (new entry) Ricciardo's braces - ahhhhh

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Jargon and codewords on the team radio - what is "double KERS" or "double yellow D on the straight"?
2. (new entry) Unluckiest man in F1 - why does there always have to be one? This year it seems to be Maldonado.
3. (new entry) Death - no, I'm not getting political (at least on here) but honouring the memory of the bird that flew into Rosberg's helmet during Friday's practice. Apparently he returned to the pits covered in bloody feathers. Not even the fauna is on Schumi's side.
4. (new entry) Jackie Stewart - how fickle, staunch supporter of Williams (and RBS) last year, claiming all the credit for Lotus's success this year
5. (new entry) Ricciardo's braces - soon there'll be drivers still undergoing toilet-training

Bahrain GP Results

1. White Jeans - 288

2. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 223

3= Wyld Stallyns - 216

3= Still Chewing - 212

5= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 209

5= Better the Vettel you know - 209

7. La Pic di Resta - 208

8. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 196

9. The Pitstop Princess - 193

10. Crash of the Titans - 182

11= Hippy F1 - 180

11= Lord of the Wings - 180

13. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 173

14. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 167

15. Push Pete's Button - 164

16. Parke's Winners - 134

17. Ferrari Fanatic - 134

18. AbeFromanRacing - 103

China GP - "Great effort"

I'll start with some brief chartage:

Liking: the season's most elegantly-dressed clapping ladies and Webber's trademark Stan Laurel headscratch.
Loathing: BBC's Sex and the City spoof, we were over 4 minutes into their coverage before F1 was mentioned. Also the return of EJ and DC bickering.

Qualifying really shook things up and promised a great race. Firstly, there was the shock of Vettel exiting in Q2. This was followed by the comforting noises of lovely chap Heikki Kovalainen, who was too nice to say that Maldonado was the baddie in their coming together. Whitmarsh looked like he was going to cry when it was all over.

Pre-race the BBC treated us to a special obituary for Sir Frank Williams, to celebrate his 70th birthday. I should clarify that Sir Frank is still alive.

After that, nothing much happened for many many laps. This was made worse by the lack of coverage of the mid-field battles or pit stops and Bedward being incapable of distinguishing between teammates. Once the tedious laps were out of the way, the race was thrilling. Schumi managed magnanimous, which he can definitely add to his emotional wardrobe. I haven't seen the post-race interview with Raikkonen but I am assuming he was not so cheery. There are a couple of interesting FF1 points: Vettel gets the points for most grid places made up and Kobayashi did the fastest race lap. It was a triumph for the underdogs though. Everyone was pleased that Rosberg broke his duck (Hamilton in post-race smile shock) and Webber finally did what was needed and came in ahead of his teammate.

China GP Results

1. White Jeans - 229
2. Wyld Stallyns - 160
3. La Pic Di Resta - 159
4. Asda Equivalent Energy Racing Drink Racing - 155
5. Still Chewing - 153
6. Crash of Titans - 152
7. Push Pete's Button - 139
8= Hippy F1 - 135
8= Lord of the Wings - 135
10. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 131
11. Parkes Winners - 118
12. Better the Vettel You Know - 117
13. The Pitstop Princess - 113
14. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 110
15= Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 106*
15= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 106
17. AbeFromanRacing - 95
18. Ferrari Fanatic - 89

Malaysia Musings - "This is one of the most, most beautiful. We are so proud of you and the team."

The weekend started with speculation that Massa is going to be ditched by Ferrari. Alonso says he has his support, I think he once said that he got on with Hamilton too. Not to worry Felipe, I'm sure that triumphant 15th place will secure you for the rest of the season (not forgetting that incredible pass on a Caterham).

Following qualifying, I was left hoping that the Red Bulls will get better, which is unusual. I'm not sure I fancy another season of one team monopolising pole position. The other turnaround is Schumacher's abysmal performance in the rain, I thought he was the regenmeister? Ordinarily, rain makes a race more interesting. Nowadays, we just hang out a red flag as soon as a black cloud appears on the horizon. I vote to give drivers better wet weather tyres, wipers on their visors and inflatable arm bands. The cameramen have to resort to becoming ornithologists, filming wet feathers. There were some odd wet weather pairings, I would like to have been a damp fly on the wall for the conversations between the Hulk and di Resta and Schumi and Massa. The rain also got into Red Bull electronics and broke their radios, leading to the best Murrayball of the season: "Vettel, your radio is not working".

I'm enjoying Williams slight resurgence, even if Senna calls himself a "crash magnet" and Maldonado can only compete in a race until the penultimate lap.

At the end of the day, I'm glad that no one team is dominating. Red Bull are confused and dismayed by their lack of pace. It was great to see the overjoyed responses of Domenicali and Sauber. Mercedes are not scoring points, despite huge pre-season hype. Lastly, Raikkonen seems to be up for the fight. Roll on China.

Malaysia GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Not buying a gazebo - how Williams have raised those extra few pennies to buy Renault engines this year.
2. (new entry) Special waterproof helmet-carry-cases - Ferrari pay attention to every little detail in their operation, apart from the car obviously.
3. (new entry) Sandwich bags - covering all electronic equipment, radios etc., to protect them from the rain. Austerity chic.
4. (new entry) The hokey-cokey - in, out, in, out. Is Vettel pitting or not?
5. (new entry) Positive encouragement - Smedley to Massa: "good effort". Oh, no, that's not positive encouragement...that's lies.

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Red Flag wusses - It was only spitting!
2. (new entry) Sauber - for making cars that look exactly like Williams'.
3. (new entry) Button's cool vest - still looks like a toddler float vest.
4. (new entry) Silver lycra - as sported by the clapping ladies, like cut-price superheroes.
5.(new entry) Owen Wilson -we've found someone with even less to say about F1 than Georgie Thompson.

Malaysia GP Results

1.White Jeans - 155
2= Pic di Resta - 104
2= Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 104
4. Crash of the Titans - 103
5. Wyld Stallyns - 97
6= Hippy F1 - 95
6= The Lord of the Wings - 95
8.Parkes Winners - 92
9. Still Chewing - 81
10. AbeFromanRacing - 75
11. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 68
12. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 67
13. Better the Vettel you know - 66
14. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 64
15. Ferrari Fanatic - 63
16. The Pitstop Princess - 58
17. Push Pete's Button - 56
18. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 40

Australian GP - "Welcome to 2009...What a great way to start the year."

My first post of 2012....6 world champions on the grid, 2 television channels to choose from, 81 Sky personnel at the race (more than HRT brought). Qualifying was a disaster for those champions, Raikkonen was too busy changing his helmet to get through to Q2, the Iceman melteth. Alonso also had an early bath. There were more disappointments to come. HRT did not qualify, which makes this race an expensive holiday for them. Domencali seems to have gone grey over the break with worry over his appalling car. Grosjean went from the hero of Qualifying to a zero in the race. Vettel had to push his own car into his second place parking space. Hamilton had his first strop of 2012 having been playing the happy chappy during his PR, even reuniting with the PCD to regain his previous form, toys out of the pram after losing two places during the race. Alonso was particularly mean, commenting that he was fighting with the Williams when he would rather be fighting at the top (better get used to it pal, we're approaching the top and you're approaching the bottom). Luckily Kimi is back so I can transfer my affections back to him. The biggest disappointment though has to be firstly Senna's early crash followed by Maldonado's heartbreaking spin and crash on the last lap.

A great first race, hoping for much more to come.

A note on the commentary: I am planning to watch whole races on the BBC on the BBC (despite the world's most excited commentator in Ben Edwards, who squeals like a little girl) and whole races on Sky when they're not on the BBC. I did watch both today. The BBC do seem to be getting all the interviews, Sky only had Kovalainen and Papa Button during the race!

Australian GP Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Maldonado - my hero! Why wasn't he doing this last year?

2. (new entry) Helmet cams - great, more please

3. (new entry) Damon Hill - on Sky, BRDC's loss is our gain

4. (new entry) 2 DRS zones - it seems to work

5. (new entry) Papa Buttons lucky pink shirt - it seems to work

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Last lap - could you spread out the action over all the laps, chaps?

2. (new entry) Ad breaks on Sky - not during the race but you have to tune in at 4.30am to see all the build-up because of all the breaks

3. (new entry) Ricciardo - booooo for taking Senna out

4. (new entry) The Sky Pad - it's a Smartboard, I have one in my classroom, it doesn't make you special Anthony Davidson, it makes you look like a glorified weatherman.

5. (new entry) "The Kimster" - not one of Brundle's best witticisms

FF1 2012 Team Line Up

I'm royally pleased to welcome 6 new players to Fantasy Formula 1 this year. We have 18 teams so the provisional prize money is £108 for first place, £54 for second place and £18 for third place.

Susan - Crash of the Titans - Raikkonen, Kobayashi, Force India, Mercedes (McLaren) - Brazil
Dad - Still Chewing - Vettel, Maldonado, Williams, Mercedes (McLaren) - Silverstone
Phil - Parkes Winners - Button, Senna, Ferrari, Force India - Monaco
Stephen - La Pic Di Resta - Di Resta, Pic, Red Bull, Mercedes (McLaren) - Hungary
Colin - AbeFromanRacing - Button, Rosberg, Ferrari, Renault (Caterham) - Singapore
Mark - White Jeans - Vettel, Kobayashi, McLaren, Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - Australia
Mike - Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - Vettel, Massa, Lotus, Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - China
Jennie - Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - Vettel, Button, Force India, Cosworth (Marussia Virgin) - Canada
Lynn - Ferrari Fanatic: Raikkonen, Schumacher, Mercedes, Ferrari (Sauber) - Italy
Gareth - Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing: Button, Petrov, McLaren, Mercedes (Force India) - Canada
Claire - The Pitstop Princess: Rosberg, Kovalainen, Red Bull, Renault (Lotus) - Silverstone
Joe - Hippy F1: Button, Di Resta, Toro Rosso, Renault (Red Bull) - Silverstone
Pete - Push Pete's Button: Rosberg, Petrov, Mercedes, Mercedes (McLaren) - Canada
Laura - Beauty & the F1 Geek: Vettel, Grosjean, Sauber, Renault (Lotus) - Italy
Chris - Better the Vettel you know: Vettel, Maldonado, Red Bull, Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - India
Claire Smith - The Lord of the Wings: Button, Di Resta, Red Bull, Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - Brazil
Becca - Wyld Stallyns: Grosjean, Karthikeyan, Red Bull, Mercedes (McLaren) - Silverstone
David - KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI!: Vettel, Kobayashi, Red Bull, Cosworth (HRT) - Brazil

Australian GP Results

1. White Jeans - 136

2. Asda Equivalent Energy Drink Racing - 81

3. The Lord of the Wings - 73

4. La Pic di Resta - 71

5. Wyld Stallyns - 70

6. Put the Vettel on (push the Button) - 59

7. Still Chewing - 58

8. KAMIKAZE KOBAYASHI! - 56

9. Crash of the Titans - 55

10. Parke's Winners - 51

11= AbeFromanRacing - 50

11= Better the Vettel you know - 50

13. Push Pete's Button - 40

14= The Pitstop Princess - 36

14= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 36

16. Hippy F1 - 33

17. Sebastian Vettel's High Flying Turds - 26

18. Ferrari Fanatic - 18

5. Calendar

18th March - Australia
25th March - Malaysia
15th April – China
22nd April - Bahrain
13th May – Spain
27th May – Monaco
10th June – Canada
24th June – Europe (Valencia)
8th July – Britain
22nd July – Germany
29th July – Hungary
2nd September – Belgium
9th September – Italy
23rd September – Singapore
7th October – Japan
14th October – Korea
28th October - India
5th November – Abu Dhabi
18th November - America
25th November – Brazil

4. Prices

4.1 Drivers

5 stars - Champion
Vettel - £10m (driving for Red Bull)
Alonso - £9m (driving for Ferrari)
Hamilton - £8.5m (driving for McLaren)
Button £8m (driving for McLaren)

4 stars - Upper Middle Field or How The Mighty Have Fallen
Webber - £7.5m (driving for Red Bull)
Raikkonen - £7m (driving for Lotus)
Rosberg - £6m (driving for Mercedes)
Schumacher - £6m (driving for Mercedes)
Massa - £5.5m (driving for Ferrari)

3 stars - Middle Field
Grosjean - £4m (driving for Lotus)
Hulkenberg - £3.5m (driving for Force India)
Di Resta - £3.5m (driving for Force India)

2 stars – Lower rank
Kobayashi - £3m (driving for Sauber)
Perez - £3m (driving for Sauber)
Ricciardo - £3m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Vergne - £2.5m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Senna - £2.5m (driving for Williams)

1 star – May As Well Be Driving a Ford Fiesta
Petrov - £2m (driving for Caterham)
Kovalainen - £2m (driving for Caterham)
Maldonado - £2m (driving for Williams)
Glock - £1.5m (driving for Marussia Virgin)
Pic - £1.5m (driving for Marussia Virgin)
Karthikeyan - £1m (driving for HRT)
De La Rosa - £1m (driving for HRT)

4.2 Chassis

5 Stars - Premium
Red Bull - £10m
McLaren - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 Stars – Well-Funded
Mercedes - £7m
Lotus - £6m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Force India - £5m
Sauber - £4m

2 Stars - Trying Very Hard
Williams - £3m
Toro Rosso - £2m

1 Star – Backmarkers
Caterham - £1.5m
HRT - £1m
Marussia Virgin - £1m

4.3 Engines

5 Stars - Premium
Renault (Red Bull) - £10m
Mercedes (McLaren) - £9m
Ferrari - £8m

4 Stars – Well-Funded
Mercedes - £7m
Renault (Lotus) - £6m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Mercedes (Force India) - £5m
Ferrari (Sauber) - £4m

2 Stars – Trying Very Hard
Renault (Williams) - £3m
Ferrari (Toro Rosso) - £2m

1 Star – Backmarkers
Renault (Caterham) - £1.5m
Cosworth (HRT) - £1m
Cosworth (Marussia Virgin) - £1m

3. Communications

A bulletin containing the scores and possibly a little light-hearted banter will be posted on the website as soon as possible after each race.

Team listings will be posted on the website.

Notification of results updates by email can be requested.

The website will also contain caption competitions and competitors are invited to post their punditry on the season.

2. How to Score Points

Scoring starts from the Australian GP onwards. Fantasy points are allocated based on the performance of your drivers, constructor’s cars and engine.

2.1 Drivers
:: The driver who completes the fastest lap in the final qualifying round will receive +15 points.
If a driver receives an engine penalty he will receive points based on his qualifying lap time i.e. we will not penalise FF1 teams for engine changes.
Example, Fernando Alonso sets the fastest time in the 3rd qualifying session but has a ten place grid penalty for changing his engine he will still get +15 points.

:: The driver who completes the fastest lap during the race will receive +15 points.

:: The driver who makes up the most positions from their place on the grid (after penalties) to their finishing place will receive +15 points. In the event of this being tied the driver finishing in the highest position will receive the points.

:: Drivers that finish the race in the top 10 positions will score points as follows;
1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.2 Constructors/Chassis
Each Constructor has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:
1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.3 Engines
Each Engine supplier has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:
1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.4 Home Track
Each team should pick one circuit as their Home Track (see 5. CALENDAR). The points scored by their team at this race will be doubled.

1.2 Prizes

To make the league “more interesting” entry is £10, which will be put into a prize money pot. This year you have the option to pay through PayPal, which will cost you an extra 50p administration fee. If fewer than twenty teams are entered, the winner will win 60% of the prize, 2nd place 30% and 3rd place 10%. If twenty or more teams enter then the winner will receive 40%, 2nd place 30%, 3rd place 15%, 4th place 10% and 5th place 5%.

2012 Rules 1. Picking a Team

First you must choose a team name. Anyone who submits a nameless team will not
only be allocated a name by me but will score no points for the first race.

You have a total budget of £24million
to choose a team comprising of the following:
2 x Drivers
1 x Constructor/Chassis
1 x Engine
Each driver, constructor and engine is given a value based on previous performances and their potential for success during the 2012 season (i.e. the most expensive drivers, cars and engines will be those predicted to be the most successful).

There are no points for coming in under budget.
Deadline for submitting teams is Thursday 15 March 2012. Teams can be made up of identical drivers and constructors but must have a different home track (see 2.4). If you submit a team and home track that has already been chosen you will be invited to pick again (the bonus of entering early is to get the team you wish).

In the event that a constructor withdraws from the 2012 championship, any FF1 team with their chassis or engine will not be reallocated a different constructor and will score no more points
for that chassis/engine. If a constructor is bought out (even after a withdrawal or break from competing) then any FF1 team with that chassis/engine will receive the points scored by
the new constructor. A driver picked by a FF1 team will score points for the team with whichever constructor they drive for or no points if they are not competing, i.e. if they are dropped or their
constructor withdraws from the championship.

Only one team may be submitted per human being.

Submission should be by email to the usual address.

New FF1 Coming Soon

Just a wee update to say...keep watching this space. The new rules for the 2012 Fantasy Formula 1 2012 are going to be published soon.

Breaking News

Trulli to retire - I guess. Caterham have ditched him in favour of Petrov. In F1, we all know, money talks.