Monday, 26 July 2010

Germany Gibber - "You've been bloody fast all weekend"

Two teams really stood out in this race. Ferrari for their resurgence (both in winning and cheating) and Williams for a fabulous masterclass in travelling backwards. Both cars qualified in the top 10 and then raced to see how low they could finish and how far outside the points, failing to capitalise on a shoddy race by rivals Force India. Although full marks for the 2.9 second pitstop.

The first Schumimove of the race came when Vettel (or Baby Schumi to the German press) concentrated so hard on pushing Alonso into the wall at the start he didn't notice the other Ferrari take full advantage of the open road he was leaving clear.

Then the second Schumimove came from his old team: through gritted teeth "Fernando is faster than you. Can you confirm that you understand the message?" It was a decision that was applauded by Schumacher in post-race interviews. It must be bad.

It was a great race for team radio, playing a key part in Ordersgate as well as letting us hear Petrov getting a ticking off for not reducing his revs.

At the end of the day, Alonso gets 25 points and Massa gets a Yorkshire man on the radio: "Good lad, mate. Felipe Massa is back in business. You were very very magnanimous. You won't have any idea what that word means, so I'll explain it to you later." Massa's German haul is a small, rubbish trophy, a thesaurus and a whippet. If Vettel was not already feeling down in the mouth about finishing third at his home race, he then had to deal with a very awkward situation on the podium. Followed by an BAFTA-winning performance by Alonso describing how his opportunity to overtake came at Turn 6, the hairpin. Aside from "no comment", Massa monosyllabically described how he was not overtaken but passed.

Roll on Hungary, let's see which partnership is next to explode. Will Schumacher finally nobble Rosberg? Will Button put a brick in a custard pie, surely a clown fight is the next PR stunt for the chirpy Brits? Or will Trulli get so sick of Kovalainen's chipper "hey, I love being at the back of the grid" demeanour that he runs him off the road?

Germany Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (static) Intra-team tension - the Pitstop Princess waved her wand, it backfired and stirred up tension between some other teammates.
2. (re-entry) Radio footage - sooo useful
3. (re-entry) Spaniards - winners of the German GP, Tour de France and World Cup. What next? International tiddly-winks?

Chart of Loathing

1. (re-entry) Bickering - the best coverage was when EJ ran off camera to hassle Stefano Domenicali
2. (re-entry) Cheating - we'd just got used to McLaren being the naughty boys when Ferrari felt it was time for a return to the good old days.
3. (new entry) Santander trophies - for every race, so dull, puts me off banking with them entirely 4. (new entry) Reluctant hugs - poor Massa, a hug will not make it better, Fernando
5. (new entry) Matching pink shirts - sigh, DC and Jake

Germany Results

1. Chew Chew Joe - 575
2. Que Senna Senna - 574
3. Blood on the tracks - 571
4. The Lord of the Wings - 528
5. Gurning Rubber - 519
6. The Young and the Restless - 516
7= Hippy F1 - 505
7= Liuzzi goes bananas - 505
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 475
10. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 457
11. You will never see me in Lederhosen - 422
12. The Pitstop Princess - 418
13. Wheely wheely fast - 413
14. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 392
15. The Cake King - 351
16. Birley Chassis - 308
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 143

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Silverstone Stuff - "Not bad for a number 2 driver." "Do you think you'll manage a smile now?"

Not too much to say about this race really. Back to Silverstone and it's very much same old same old, despite alterations to the track. Muddly Talker was wheeled out and he said much the same stuff as always, "blah blah, great atmosphere, blah blah". As Walker, Moss, Hill (looking more and more like George Harrison, Beatles conspiricists note) et. al. were wheeled in, poor Bruno Senna was wheeled out to replaced by someone who could pay HRT to drive the car. Don't lose heart those who selected him for their team, apparently he will be back.

Mixed fortunes for the teams at the end of the day. Red Bull are having to deal with what seems an increasingly tense situation with their two drivers as they try to favour one without appearing to whilst making quite obvious decisions that do. McLaren salvaged a pretty mediocre showing to get 2nd and 4th. Ferrari suffered once again at the hands of the stewards: "Instead of giving one car back the advantage, we gave to to everyone else." Most importantly though, Williams finished with both cars in the points. And there I shall happily sign off.

Silverstone Charts

Chart of Lust

1. (new entry) Intra-team tension - how intriguing, these team mate rivalries might really liven things up for the second half of the season, if only the Pitstop Princess could wave a magic wand and really stir things up between Vettel and Webber.
2. (re-entry) Sutil - why? For overtaking Schumi, of course. Again.
3. (new entry) Sunshine - how lovely for those down South, ah I remember those golden days when I too could enjoy it (last week!).
4. (new entry) 10-17 year contract for Silverstone - means potentially I may attend again.
5. (re-entry) Adrian Newey - he really is quite clever methinks.

Chart of Loathing

1. (new entry) Stewards - on behalf of Ferrari - boooooooo.
2. (new entry) EJ's purple trousers - mocked by one and all.
3. (re-entry) Bitter Twist of Fate - punctures all round for Vettel and Massa and a couple of potentially good battles rescheduled for another race.
4. (down 3) Whinging - he got the wing I wanted, my drive-through penalty is unfair, grump, grump, storm off.
5. (re-entry) Austrian national anthem - it must be a little galling for the entire Red Bull F1 outfit and their visiting families to be deemed Austrian.

Silverstone Results

An interesting race that saw the biggest points haul of the season so far (Chew Chew Joe with his home track joker played) and our first zero (Birley Chassis, Ferrari really not doing the business this week).

1. Chew Chew Joe - 543
2. Que Senna Senna - 508
3. The Lord of the Wings - 498
4. Hippy F1 - 491
5. Blood on the tracks - 489
6. The Young and the Restless - 487
7. Gurning Rubber - 472
8. Liuzzi goes bananas - 458
9. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 424
10. Corpus Christi - Trimble - 402
11. Wheely wheely fast - 397
12. You will never see me in Lederhosen - 381
13. The Pitstop Princess - 370
14. Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars - 340
15. The Cake King - 316
16. Birley Chassis - 232
17. Ferrari Fanatic - 123

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Goodwood Festival of Speed Report

or What I Did on My Holidays
Last weekend I was lucky enough to attend the Goodwood Festival of Speed to celebrate the 70th birthday of Chew Chew Joe. It was good. I mainly spent my time booing Lewis Hamilton and any car driven by Schumacher and cheering all the Williamses.

Here is Hamilton doing doughnuts to try and please a crowd that, despite the tannoy man's best efforts, would not cheer him.

I also did a bit of spying. Lotus unveiled a new aerodynamic feature on their car.

A pair of lovely ladies, who apparantly increase downforce.

Struggling to cope with paying Schumacher's salary, the Mercedes management had limited choice when selecting a test driver.

Ferrari took the opportunity of some track time to test one of their older models. They have decided to race it for the rest of the season as it was quicker than their current car.
And finally a picture of the current Williams. Oh, no, sorry, it's too quick to catch on film.