Monday, 27 November 2017

A Fond Farewell?

This Fantasy F1 league has it's roots in my teenage years, I can't remember how long it lasted that time but time was definitely called by 1998.  A decade later, I mentioned this geekery to Beauty & the F1 Geek, who immediately called for it's return.  I think that was in 2009 but it may have been the year before or even before that...we definitely worked together at the time (I'm sure someone will post in the comments...).  It doesn't feel like much has changed in that time, other than the arrival of Jenson's Whinging Legacy and consequently two Pitstop Princes.

Squeezing in watching the races is becoming trickier, as I'm sure you've noticed from my erratic posting, and typing up the results and banter even harder.  In fact, it's now a chore rather than a hobby.  And so, it may be time to wave the chequered flag.

Unless the league could be run more collectively.  If someone could arrange the spreadsheet and people could sign up to a rota to write the race posts, then the whole shebang could live on.  Let me know if you're interested.

Abu Dhabi GP - "Thank you very much for everything"

Prior to the race, Alonso admitted he was pretty happy for this to be his last Honda-powered race.  I think a few folk around were demob happy.

I really enjoyed the amazing driving the pre-race aeronautical display.

As for the race itself, I think that must have been as much airtime for Stroll as he has had all year.  And Bottas must be wondering why he barely featured.  He drove a faultless race, driving Hamilton to make an error on Lap 31.  If Mercedes continue to be dominant next season, hopefully he can bring the fight.

Despite a wheel falling off their wagon, Renault finished sixth in the championship.  I'm not sure why Williams didn't receive any love for finishing higher that that.  Or McLaren any criticism for finishing below Haas.

To finish the season, Bottas and Hamilton celebrated with one of my favourites...doughnuts.

(For comments on Massa's retirement, please refer to the 2016 season.)

Abu Dhabi GP - Results

1. Moneyball - 1,186
2. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 1,177
3. No Vices Now - 1,174
4. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 1,088
5. The Pitstop Princess - 1,085
6. Evel Marque - 1,084
7. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 1,083
8. Even more hopeful - 1,066
9. Bernie is a hobbit - 1,055
10. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 887
11. Burn After Racing - 883
12. BOT-RAI-PER - 776
13. Slightly Slower Racing - 751
14. Hippy F1 - 703

Money in the post to the top three!

Friday, 17 November 2017

Brazil GP - Results

With one race left and all home tracks raced, it's tight at the top...

1. No Vices Now - 1,136*
2. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 1,134*
3. Moneyball - 1,133*
4. The EvePitstop Princess - 1,030*
5. Evel Marque - 1,029*
6. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 1,021*
7. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 1,008*
8. Bernie is a hobbit - 1,000*
9. Even more hopeful - 991*
10. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 862*
11. Burn After Racing - 855*
12. Slightly Slower Racing - 719*
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 709*
14. Hippy F1 - 641*

*Home track played

Brazil GP - "Daddy, we are so proud of you"

This weekend saw a cracking race.  It got off to a good start with Hamilton in the pits.  Lap one saw Ocon and Grosjean come together, then Van Doorne and Ricciardo triggered a safety car.  There was lots of overtaking but I have no notes from the race??!  I think it was just of a standard we haven't seen in a long, long time.  Even after Vettel crossed the line, there was the battle between Massa, Alonso and Perez to enjoy.

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Mexico GP - "Not the race you wanted but who cares"

Another awful start to a race...penalties.  It made a day of the living dead at the back of the grid.  I did enjoy the theme though.

And so to the first lap, Vettel and Hamilton went at each other then Vettel and Verstappen.  So by lap 22, Hamilton was in 19th place with blue flags being waved at him: "it would be quicker for him to let me past and follow".  This is racing, Hamilton and we're all hoping you can't overtake and Vettel can.

Hulkenberg bought sparks to the race, nearly, being instructed that: "the car is not safe...get out by climbing out at the front of the car and jump off".  Hartley and Ericsson later brought real fire to the game.  Interesting retirements this race.

The pressure was getting to Hamilton and he demanded of his team: "when I ask a question, please give me a reply".  He did give us the best battle of the race when he encountered Alonso.  Finishing 9th, he won the world championship and I sincerely hope there'll be Neymar celebs on the radio this season.  Hamilton revealed that at this race, the Mexican fans are the best in the world.  We were also treated to a rare appearance by the Dutch national anthem and as a one off special, there was a special revolving podium introducing a DJ.  Whatever next?

Mexico GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 1,105*
2. Moneyball - 1,085*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 1,074*
4. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 986*
5. The Pitstop Princess - 985*
6. Evel Marque - 984*
7= Bernie is a hobbit - 955*
7= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 955*
9. Even More Hopeful - 938*
10. Burn After Racing - 826*
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 819*
12. BOT-RAI-PER - 661*
13. Slightly Slower Racing - 635
14. Hippy F1 - 600

* Home track played

Monday, 23 October 2017

US GP - "so proud to be part of it"

With such a dominant pole from Hamilton, I wasn't sure there would be much to watch in the race.  Pleasantly surprised but the ten minutes after the race ended were the most interesting.

The build up was very focused on Hamilton and Mercedes' triumphs and I wonder what they are now going to find to play next week, as the drivers' championship remains undecided.

When Jones announced that there was going to be a showcall, we knew we were in for a treat.  As Mr PSP predicted:...

"presenting...the backmarker...for's..."
"He's the man seeking to finish 21st in this 20 car race..."
"The one, the only, the legend...Wehrlein"

Then they skipped broadcasting the introductions to all the backmarkers!  Ricky Rocket was the only one who really embraced it...even Hamilton looked awkward.

And so the race started and for the first time in a long time, Mr PSP had not accidentally found out who the winner was in advance of watching.  Mainly because for the first time in a very long time, we were watching live.

The start also had a cheesy announcement: "Start your engines", which should really be: "get someone to start your engine".  It was a great start by everyone but especially Vettel, who nailed it and gave everyone hope for a thrilling race ahead.  Ricciardo added to the spice by some really aggressive driving to get past Bottas.  However, lap 6 saw DRS give the pass to Hamilton, followed ten laps later by Ricciardo bowing out.  Less rocket ship and more rocket ice lolly.

I was impressed that Stroll did manage to keep one driver behind him this race...Hartley.

The remaining action came from Raikkonen, passing Bottas, dallying with Verstappen and letting Vettel past: "Seb is now the car behind" - subtle.

Then we went to bed.

Then we watched the rest of the footage to see how and when Verstappen found out he was off the podium.  What an awkward podium room, Raikkonen just showed up and smiled and was literally handed the pink cap from Max's head.  I'm not surprised he threw it into the crowd and kept his sunnies on for the whole podium.

Hamilton asked Bolt to show him how to raise his hands in the air, then he got some shiny football boots.  I've deleted any further coverage.

US GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 1,063*
2. Moneyball - 1,032*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 1,008*
4. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 944*
5. The Pitstop Princess - 938*
6. Evel Marque - 937*
7. Bernie is a hobbit - 920*
8. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 888*
9. Even more hopeful - 871*
10. Burn After Racing - 785*
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 748*
12. BOT-RAI-PER - 624*
13. Slightly Slower Racing - 579
14. Hippy F1 - 568*

* Home track played

Monday, 9 October 2017

Japan GP - "Lovely managed race"

Well, lap 1 was quite exciting.  Ocon got to third!  Raikkonen lost places...hopefully to produce some exciting racing later on....Sainz went rallying (for his last Toro Rosso race).  We learnt twenty year olds have no fear.  And Vettel had spark plug problems...ending the hopes for any exciting racing later.

On lap 11, Ricciardo produced a great overtake.  Horner coached him: "brave it out...good boy".  That was the radio catchphrase, all the engineers were praising their "good boys" or prize whippets.

It wasn't long after that that Bottas and Hamilton swapped places.  Where do you stand?  And does it matter anymore?  Perez and Ocon geared up for a fight but were held back too.

Stroll "brought out" the third Virtual Safety Car on lap 47.  Did they do much to spice up the race?

There was some worry on lap 51 of 53 when Hamilton complained about vibrations.  I'm not sure why the team didn't message back telling him to suck it up.

At the very end, Alonso ignored blue flags to hold up Verstappen's change against Hamilton.  Now he's 59 points clear with four races left to go.  I'm really looking forward to all the "if Hamilton finishes...and if Vettel finishes..."

Finally, I think Mo Farah might have been at the race.

Japan GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 999*
2. Moneyball - 985*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 959*
4. Torque of the Devil - 903*
5. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 893*
6. Evil Marque - 887*
7. Bernie is a hobbit - 862*
8. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 854*
9. The Pitstop Princess - 838
10. Even more hopeful - 837*
11. Burn After Racing - 761*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 703*
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 592*
14. Hippy F1 - 545*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 518

*Home track played

Monday, 2 October 2017

Malaysia GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 931*
2. Moneyball - 915*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 910*
4. Torque of the Devil - 846*
5. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 836*
6. Evel Marque - 834*
7. Bernie is a hobbit - 815*
8. The Pitstop Princess - 785
9. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 780*
10. Even more hopeful - 763*
11. Burn After Racing - 699*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 666*
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 549*
14. Hippy F1 - 511*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 476

*Home track played


Malaysia GP - "Great start to a new decade (for you)"

It wasn't a bad race.  The start looked unpromising with Vettel at the back of the grid and Raikkonen wheeled off with a poorly motor but Verstappen overtook Hamilton on Lap 4 and it was Game On.  Gasly did a good job replacing Kvyat and there was lots of overtaking up and down the field.  Team radio keeps on giving.  Hulkenberg was told: "stopping is not an option".  That's F1 101.  Press the Red Button for Vettel's own race commentary: "Come on Alonso, I thought you were better than that."  Ricciardo was advised: "You've broken Vettel's spirit...he's run out of tyres".  Spirit and tyres being intrinsically linked.

Something went awry between Vettel and Stroll on the cool down lap, perhaps Vettel had received the surprising news that he is Driver of the Day?  He got a lift back from Wehrlein; the only way Wehrlein is going to get any TV coverage.

The podium was unsightly too.  Hamilton took his shoes off (?!) and Webber was allowed up without a suit jacket on (this is what we base podium interviewer guesses on.)

I'm not sure if this was picked up by the TV production teams but it was Verstappen's 20th birthday (which makes me feel very old) and it might have been the last race in Malaysia?

Thursday, 21 September 2017

Singapore GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 876*
2. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 846*
3. Evel Marque - 802*
4. Torque of the Devil - 801*
5. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 791*
6. Bernie is a hobbit - 787*
7. Moneyball - 771
8. The Pitstop Princess - 753
9. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 717*
10. Even more hopeful - 700*
11. Burn After Racing - 635*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 584*
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 539*
14. Hippy F1 - 487*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 442

*Home track played

Singapore GP - "Thank you for believing in me"

Lots of news in the build up to this race.  Renault going to McLaren.  Honda going to Toro Rosso (what Japanese for Red Bull?).  Aston Martin coming to Red Bull.  It would set things up nicely for next year if Mercedes and Ferrari swap engines too.  Really it seems everyone is handing the competition to them.

Then it started to rain and things looked very promising.

Then, Vettel ruined the race on Lap 1.

Then, the Great Spanish Hope, Alonso bowed out on Lap 9.

Then, the Great Dutch Hope bowed out.  Boo to mega-crashes.

I started to keep a Safety Car tally, which stopped at three but even these weren't enough to rescue the enjoyment in the race.

We were amused by the complete lack of reaction in the garage to Kvyat's crash: clearly what they expect of him.

A tricky race meant some terse radio.  Responding to Haas asking Magnussen to "push the button": "shut up".  Then Toro Rosso asked Sainz to"reserve the engine": "shut up please".  Although if we are going to bring our children up as the F1 spectators of the future, the Americans are going to have to get smarter at bleeping out the swearies.

With laps to go, Ricciardo was right on Hamilton's tail, you wouldn't have known this from the commentary though...I wonder what it would have been if the positions were reversed?

At the end, there were only 12 finishers and Massa still couldn't get in the points...  Even Palmer was sixth.

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

1. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 799*
2. No Vices Now - 795*
3. Evel Marque - 741*
4. Torque of the Devil - 740*
5. Bernie is a hobbit - 735*
6. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 730*
7. The Pitstop Princess - 692
8. Moneyball - 686
9. Even more hopeful - 637*
10. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 591
11. Burn After Racing - 588*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 551*
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 510*
14. Hippy F1 - 446*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 419

* Home track played

Italy GP - "Pidgeon Italian from the 3rd Placed Driver (and probably a "Nice Job Lewis" or "Get it there" that wasn't broadcast)"

London has many things the rest of us don't get access to, but it seems the SkyF1 channel isn't one of them so I've been asked to guest blog while PSP and her litter were holidaying in the big city.

Sky's coverage took a break from the usual Hamilton-heavy features to carry out the obligatory "We're in Italy so lets jam as many Ferrari pieces in as we can" schedule (everyone in Italy passionately loves Ferrari and thinks about red cars 24/7, don't you know?). It did include one of the best Kimi interviews I've ever seen, as he was surprisingly pleasant and chatty with Brundle... Probably was for the best to steer clear of Hamilton anyway, in case he carried out a rendition of his Princess Di poem.

It's worth mentioning the farce that was qually: Grosjean's crash, due to weather he warned was unsafe to drive in, red-flagged the session, which then didn't restart for nearly 3 hours because of said weather. A litany of farcical grid penalties (9 drivers penalised for offenses such as replacing faulty parts and forgetting to collect Tiger Tokens when fueling up) meant the grid looked nothing like it did at the end of qually and only someone with the brains of an actuary could work it all out.....All this lead to the inevitable Hamilton pole, Vettel starting way back, Lance Stroll on the front row and bad omens for a predictable outcome.

Lance Stroll decided not to go for the win (leaving Hamilton free to fly off onto an insurmountable lead). Meanwhile Max Verstappen decided to ruin his race after only 4 laps by smacking into Massa.... Bloody foolish weans, don't know what they've got till it's gone.

Sauber decided to try and hit each other in an attempt to get on TV (though I'd forgotten what they looked like and had to Google them). They were not shown again and you have to wonder how much worse they would be if the Honda deal had went through (NOTE: PSP and I both drive Hondas and are very happy with them [not a plug to get more Hondas - ed.] [unless they're up for that? - ed.]).

Joylen Palmer did his best to prevent McLaren getting their hands on his Renault engine, diving off the track and peeving Fernando in the process - "5 seconds is a joke", repeatedly bleated Alonso, who presumably felt castration was a more suitable punishment for the minor offence. I suspect the thought of McLaren throwing away Honda money for a small engine improvement has finally brought on his mental breakdown.

Danny Ric shimmied his way up the field, as he always seems to do, despite his car feeling "gooey in traffic". An incredible drive by him again, it's a shame he joined Red Bull as their era ended.

The Ferraris, having ballsed up qualification, decided to use team orders early on to enable Kimi to battle the increasingly impressive Force Indias for 5/6th (instead of the Mercs) and allowing Vettel another bland 3rd.

Williams tried to liven things up for the viewers, with their drivers attempting to take each other out on the last lap. Mercifully it didn't come off for them. 

Oh, and as expected Hamilton bolted off to an unassailable lead and will now win the championship, become the greatest driver of all time and be canonised by the end of the week. Despite all this, the fans at Monza booed him...though they may have just been booing the garish Heineken themed trophy he was given.

Thursday, 31 August 2017

Belgian GP - Results

1. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 753*
2. No Vices Now - 729*
3= Bernie is a hobbit - 682*
3= Evel Marque - 682*
5. Hoping for an Indian Summer - 675*
6. The Pitstop Princess - 633
7. Torque of the Devil - 630
8. Moneyball - 624
9. Even more hopeful - 590*
10. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 544
11. Burn After Racing - 523*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 495
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 482*
14. Hippy F1 - 416*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 398

*Home track played

Belgium GP - "..."

No winning radio transmission from Hamilton and not much to say from me.  When did Belgium become disappointing?

This year the track really suffered from "Curse of the Home Race" with honorary Belgian Verstappen going out on Lap 8 and genuine Belgian Van Doorne starting right at the back of the grid.  How can a land that gave the world chips with mayonnaise be so cruel?

It turned it's attention to Raikkonen on Lap 16 with a ten second penalty, depriving us poor spectators of yet more action: "What do you mean?  It was at the side of the road!"  Alonso decided that we should no longer enjoy his team radio: "No more radio for the rest of the race."

Force India drivers did their best to spice up the race, with Race Control "noting" their childish spats.  Vettel's attempt to give the race a little drama by having a slow second pit stop, did nothing but hand the race to Hamilton.  My drive of the day goes to Ricciardo, who at least overtook Bottas and Raikkonen.

The analysis of the race has given me more to comment on than the race.  Webber believed it to have been: "an absolutely amazing display from the top three drivers".  What?  Of driving unchallenged?  Hamilton answered his first podium question with the usual: "The crowd have been amazing."  Followed by some controversial (?) "Irish orange" stuff.  His second question was answered with something about: "Dreams do come true."  And to think that some people might want to hear about his racing?  Ricciardo got the biggest cheers, which is well justified.  Bottas got a review from his boss of: "performance not good."  Well, he's been resigned for next year, so he's probably resting on his laurels now.

Raikkonen has also been resigned for next season.  Which cements for me that he has some sort of incriminating information about someone high up in Ferrari.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Hungary GP - "nice drive"

Martin Brundle falls ill; Paul Di Resta is promoted.  Felipe Massa falls ill; Paul Di Resta is promoted.  Paul Di Resta is promoted; Anthony Davidson is promoted.

Not the only promotions this race...McLaren locked out the fourth row in qualifying!

At the start of the race, Ricciardo radioed in: "someone hit me".  Yes, your team mate.  Crofty observed of the start: "Di Resta let everyone get away ahead of him."  How kind.  Soon after, Renault are on the radio to Hulkenberg: "Jo is slower than you".  He was very kind not to reply.  Why hadn't we heard from Hamilton?  His radio was broken, a mercy to all.   Kimi "leave me alone" Raikkonen was all over team radio too.

Team orders were out in force this weekend, although no one labelled them as such.   Both Mercedes and Renault played them, with Ferrari choosing not to.  Although would Raikkonen have his contract renewed if he overtook Vettel?  (Mr PSP wonders.)

With eight laps to go Di Resta retired.  Having never driven the car before.  This begs the question, why Williams didn't employ their test driver?  Or give their reserve driver track time before?

As the procession was nearly over, a couple of interesting points arose.  Was Hamilton going to give third place back to Bottas as promised?  He did.  Who would score fastest lap?  Alonso!

What have we learnt from this race weekend?  That Raikkonen's Finnish fans all speak English.

Hungary GP - Results

1. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 708*
2. No Vices Now - 685*
3. Bernie is a Hobbit - 634*
4. Evel Marque - 629*
5= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 585
5= Torque of the Devil - 585
7. The Pitstop Princess - 580
8. Moneyball - 574
9. Even more hopeful - 563*
10. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 517
11. BOT-RAI-PER - 453*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 447
13. Burn After Racing - 443
14. Hippy F1 - 401*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 383

*Home track played

Thursday, 20 July 2017

British GP - "Lovely job"

It's July, it's the British Grand Prix, it's time to find the keys to the crypt and drag out Murray Walker.  Talking of "blast from the past": Louise Goodman!

Qualifying for this race was just as interesting as the race really.  Red Bull's problem with reliability continues to dog them; they can't even get both cars through Q1 (it says a lot when Horner predicts Vettel or Hamilton to win).  The huge cheer from the crowd as Alonso made pole in Q1 was brilliant too.

There was much excitement as Cars 3 was trailed in the paddock, although it had petered out by the time Owen Wilson took to the podium.

There were other disappointments.  Bedward said: "You have to feel for Palmer.  He doesn't have all the upgrades Hulkenberg has." or the skills.  Both Toro Rosso cars went out on lap 2.  I'm sure this would have been big news if they were further up the pit lane and excited montages about "The Rivalry" compiled but who gets worked up about Kvyat these days?

One of the enjoyable parts of the race isn't what you saw but what you heard.  The crowd cheering is great and there was some good radio too.  From Bottas': "minimal talking" to Grosjean's "so stupid, unbelievable" at his own mistake.

It got more confusing towards the end.  Raikkonen's tyre shredding three laps from the end avoided any awkwardness when he would have been asked to move over for Vettel.  Then Vettel punctured his tyre, just as he passed the pit lane entrance.  Still, it's tight at the top and I think we're set for some more close racing this season...

British GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 661*
2. Evel Marque - 584*
3. Bernie is a hobbit - 583*
4. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 564
5. Moneyball - 537
6. The Pitstop Princess - 535
7= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 533
7= Torque of the Devil - 533
9. Even more hopeful - 532*
10. Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 486
11. Burn After Racing - 427
12. BOT-RAI-PER - 414*
13. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 397
14. Hippy F1 - 361*
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 343

* Home track played

Correction from Austria GP


As Mr Pitstop Princess would say: "the BBC is all propaganda and factually inaccurate and up Hamilton's backside".

If you visit this link you will see that Massa and Stroll are listed as starting 10th and 11th on the grid, thus giving Hamilton the most places made up from grid.

The results of the British GP will reflect this correction.

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

Austria GP - "Thank you. That was good."

I have seven lines of comment in my jotter for this race which saw first, second and third on the grid finish in that order.  Really, I'm glad I put off watching the end of the race in order to see Muller beat Nadal.

Horner tried his best to beef up the Austrian race by wearing lederhosen; they dampened the atmosphere unlike the rain we were promised.  Sky couldn't even manage an interesting grid walk: Palmer and Kvyat.  Verstappen foresaw it all and went for an early bath (I assume with duckies and extra bubbles), as his lap one, turn one exit made it five retirements out of seven races.  Alonso tried to jolly up the radio transmission with: "They cannot play bowling."  Magnussen tried harder by dropping the F bomb, FoM must have thought the excitement which only swearing on daytime TV brings was needed as they failed to bleep it out.

The only person who seems genuinely excited by the race was Ricciardo, as he grinned like the proverbial Cheshire cat to have third  place on the podium.  I can only imagine it was because he beat Hamilton to it.  FYI Hamilton scores both fastest lap and most places made up (three) for this race.  If Hamilton is bringing the action, it's a dull race.

Austria GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 542
2. Evel Marque - 526*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 519
4. The Pitstop  Princess - 477
5= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 474
5= Torque of the Devil - 474
7. Moneyball - 472
8. Bernie is a hobbit - 467
9= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 440
9= Even more hopeful - 440
11. BOT-RAI-PER - 381*
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 369
13. Burn After Racing - 366
14. Hippy F1 - 319
15. Slightly Slower Racing - 310

*Home track played

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Azerbaijan GP - "Nice job mate"

Now I'm back in the saddle with note-taking, I just need Baby Pitstop to give me some time before a Thursday to do the typing up...

Firstly, if anyone knows who the over-excited Qualifying interviewer was...?

For me, this is one of the most stunning tracks on the calendar.  I love the contrast between the old town and the modern buildings.  And also how tight the track is.  It definitely produced a great race this year, with a contract between the old drivers and the new ones cutting through.  Talking of old vs. new - Mariah Carey?

The race started with the anthem being performed by a singer in a massive flag dress - I wonder if Geri Horner gave her the idea?

It was an awful race for Toro Rosso (really anything Bull), who so many have picked this year.  Not in Q3, running off and then spinning in Lap 1.  Also a bad race for the Finns, if Bottas can avoid Raikkonen in the first corners, then I think the racing will be much improved during the season.

There was some quality radio transmission.  Starting with Grosjean asking: "If the brakes become dangerous, stop me!"  I would hope this was a given.  Verstappen's: "Oh no!  Here we go again..." as his engine blows was just comical.  (Horner said that Verstappen "lost his engine", which hints at carelessness.  The boy needs to start finishing races).  A "whinge warning" should flash up instead of Hamilton's name for his broadcasts.

The restart at Lap 20 saw Massa in third, Hamilton and Vettel collide and bring about the notorious brake test and shunt response, giving Raikkonen a puncture soon afterwards, then the Force India's touch.  Perhaps this is what should be compulsory in all races, not sprinklers (Bernie).  The action continued apace.  Two laps later the race was red-flagged and upon it's restart Stroll overtook Massa!  It all went downhill for the Williams fans then, with Ricciardo being told to "stay ahead" after his double Williams overtake, it's this kind of top-notch pit wall support that led him to win the race.  Then Massa breaks down, which was heartbreaking.

How much the track is responsible for all this action is debatable, but it definitely led to the highly-regarded Hulkenberg "kissing" the wall.

This wasn't the end though.  Ten laps later, Hamilton's headrest became unsafe and Vettel was awarded a ten second stop go penalty.  This put Stroll up to second!  Massa would have been first!  As Alonso said: "What a shame, we could have won this race!"

Following the matchy-matchy collisions, the Saubers collided on L38.

Hamilton's ego continued abound, requesting that Bottas slow down to allow him to catch up and overtake Vettel.  He wouldn't have considered that this would have given Vettel DRS.

The biggest disappointment of the race was Bottas taking Stroll on the finishing straight.  Overall, I think everyone enjoyed the podium.  Ricciardo should have won driver of the day with his zero to hero win but Stroll deserved it too for keeping his cool to become the Youngest Driver to Take a Podium in His Rookie Season with Dark Hair in a White Car with His Father Present.

Azerbaijan GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 479
2. Evel Marque - 470*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 469
4= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 421
4= The Pitstop Princess - 421
4= Torque of the Devil - 421
7. Bernie is a hobbit - 420
8. Moneyball - 419
9= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 374
9= Even More Hopeful - 374
11. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 336
12. Burn After Racing - 326
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 323*
14. Slightly Slower Racing - 290
15. Hippy F1 - 270

*Home track played

Friday, 16 June 2017

Canada GP - Results

1. No Vices Now - 423
2. Evel Marque - 421*
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 417
4. Bernie is a hobbit - 388
5= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 385
5= Torque of the Devil - 385
7. The Pitstop Princess - 372
8. Moneyball - 351
9= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 308
9= Even more hopeful - 308
11. BOT-RAI-PER - 295*
12. Slightly Slower Racing - 278
13. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 277
14. Burn After Racing - 268
15. Hippy F1 - 233

* Home track played

Canada GP - "You are not giving me useful information"


Montreal is glorious. The people, the culture, the weather, the venue and – dare I say it – the races. It’s a consistently enjoyable weekend for all of the drivers, teams and spectators.  Still, not everyone loves it. This weekend was exactly the ‘perfect storm’ that Ross Brawn is attempting to manage out – an F1 race being staged at the same time as not one, but all of the Catalunya MotoGP, the BTCC at Croft and formula-e in Berlin (although who watches that?)…

…and it was a cruise for the Mercedes boys – just the sort of domination that we’ve not seen from them in 2017. Respect due to Hamilton, from his pole lap (reaction to which was universally "where did you get that time from??") to his man-management of Mad Max (until the sad demise of his Tag Heuer) to his race-craft (nice to see him call Vettel’s two-stop strategy way ahead of Bono). Like Ronaldo, his numbers don’t lie.
Still, it wasn’t the most exciting victory and no-one hit the Wall of Champions. Any actual race highlights?

· Sainz and Perez reduced their stock due to being a bit too bullish or stubborn (there’s no “I” in team, but there is an “AIIIIIIII!!” in Sainz)
· Max and Ocon raised theirs due to frankly supernatural ability (that start, Max! Wow) and genuine speed (how did Ocon hold off Bottas on those worn tyres?)
· There was plenty of opportunity to don tinfoil hats for the Ferrari swap (where did I leave the remote control for Kimi’s brakes? behind the couch?)
· Alonso got very close to just having a mediocre weekend but, despite his Honda engine snatching his well-earned points from him two laps from the end, somehow managed to put in the 4th fastest lap of the race and promptly vanished into the crowd to celebrate. He really is demob happy…
· “Anything you can do, I can do better” – Vettel trumped Hamilton’s Monaco recovery by rising from 18th up to 4th – some very brave driving, particularly taking the dirty line into turn 1 to get past Ocon. Can’t wait to see Hamilton and Vettel duking it out side by side – it’ll end in tears for someone…
· Good battles in the midfield (I loved K-Mag causing the Hulk to slam on the brakes with a bit of a shove into turn 1 and Nico biding his time… …before returning the favour about 15 laps later) and very good defensive driving from Ricciardo
· And Lance Stroll got points on home soil. (Yes, that Lance Stroll. Yes, seriously. Yes, I’ve seen how manically he see-saws at the wheel. Yes, it is like he’s playing Outrun. Ok, that is an old reference – Mario Kart then, for the youngsters. Yes, his overtake moves give me THE FEAR. He did make up 8 places though. At that rate, Massa would have won the race if he hadn’t been punted off on lap 1…)

Quote of the day went to DC with a scathing putdown of Kimi trying to adjust his settings:
"If you can count up to 15 or 16m euros in your paycheque, you can count up to 42 on your dash"

Bravest feat (feet?) of the day: Sir Patrick Stewart doing the schuey. Ooft.

And so, on to Baku. Apparently Mercedes worked 24/7 for ten days to understand and eliminate the set-up and race management issues that have plagued them so far this season – and that’s why they won Canada. Nothing to do with Hamilton’s utter domination at Montreal. Or that it suits the Mercedes engine and long wheelbase to a tee. Oh no. So, expect Mercedes to dominate every track from now on then. Can anyone spell hubris? (T May…?)

p.s. What’s that? Who actually won the Race of Champions 2017, I hear you ask? None other than Juan Pablo Montoya – at his first appearance in the ROC, no less. A Virgin victory – something we never heard in F1. But I’m presuming you know this, after watching the highlights on All4… Until next time!

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Monaco GP - Results

1. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 357
2. Evel Marque - 354*
3. Bernie is a hobbit - 339
4. No Vices Now - 315
5= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 310
5= Torque of the Devil - 310
7. The Pitstop Princess - 305
8. Moneyball - 276
9. Slightly Slower Racing - 254
10 Beauty & the F1 Geek - 250
11. BOT-RAI-PER - 245
12= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 240
12= Even More Hopeful - 240
14. Burn After Racing - 216
15. Hippy F1 - 203

Monaco GP - "Does it look comfortable?"


After being asked to guest-write this blog, I watched the full race and post-race reaction on All4 in the wee small hours of Sunday night. (I skipped the pre-race dinner with royalty, as I object to modern-day slavery…)

After a weekend where competitors spectacularly blew up in other sports (Aberdeen in the Scottish Cup, Chelsea gifting Arsene a new contract instead of the boot, Alonso – literally – in Indy, and ‘everyone else but the eventual winner’ in the PGA Championship), would the Monaco GP have the same drama?
No, of course not. For the most part, it was a procession, punctuated only by pit-stop leap-frogs, ‘optimistic’ passing attempts and some drivers forgetting how cold brakes and tyres work (i.e. they don’t).
Still, it was beautiful weather in a stunning backdrop, and Vettel’s (deserved) victory really sets up the remainder of the season, particularly the next race in Canada. Can we just assume it’ll be Mercedes’ to win? The frequency of their off weekends seems to be increasing…

There were some funny moments in the coverage too, notably:
· Jaw-dropping naivety from a 3-time world champion in qualifying: crashes are inevitable – get a time in, you arrogant idiot!
· Channel 4’s foreshadowing of a controversial winner with the #1984 pre-race segment;
· DC morphing into Donald Trump with his outrageous tan and genuine lines such as "I'm a big fan of beautiful ladies". Oh dear god. (The Sky Sports grid-walker obviously heard it too – she was all actual pointy elbows when DC was trying to steal an interviewee…)
· On the grid-walk, Webber asking Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeene – "What can you do, mate?" Really Mark? The answer is “Disappoint”, as usual;
· Button and Alonso’s radio love-in, which seemed genuinely warm… …like Button’s pee;
· Bottas’s dead-pan response to "Only if you're comfortable, strat6". Well played, sir, well played.
· Max confounding pundits with wit, grace and maturity after the race – "That's racing – today we were unlucky". Bet that’s not what he said in the motorhome, though…
· Beauty and the F1 Geek refusing to take her eyes off the screen and stopping her son from chatting to her with the putdown “Shhh Harry - it's Chris Hemsworth”. True story.
Speaking of the Hemsworth, both DC and Webber identified him as being the star of Thor (ummm, not Rush??) and Chris mentioned it was his first F1 race (ummm, not method then??).

As for the racing?
· Pity poor Perez, who gets caught behind Stroll and Palmer at the same time. Took him another 15-20 laps to eventually get past these duds. How long until they are replaced? Place your bets…
· At one point, the racing was so dull that the commentators start talking about how hard it is to man the pit boards during the Monaco GP. I don’t doubt this, but it’s certainly a new low for topics of discussion.
· However, all of this dullness was overshadowed by the frankly explosive 2 or 3 laps where Vettel and Ricciardo were unleashed and made their moves up the leaderboard. I was stunned and gripped by the on-board footage of these two hammering round such a twisty, tight course, millimetres from the barriers and taking 1 to 2 seconds off their previous times. Wow – just wow.

Actually, I’ll sign off on that theme. Anyone who doubts the talent or commitment of F1 drivers (in particular, ageing ones) should watch those laps and the Race of Champions 2017 highlights, also on All4. Button and DC were very competitive in ROC and Massa was genuinely bossing it, only getting DQ'd from the semis on a technicality...
Until next time!

Spain GP - Results

Now, I did write notes on the Spanish GP but they are incomprehensible at the time of typing.  The time of typing follows watching the actual race live as our son had been packed off to his grandparents as I was in labour.  Three weeks followed in which we were mainly in hospital with the New Son.  Now Son #2 is asleep and #1 is in nursery, so here is my window of opportunity and I can't for the life of me remember what happened in Barca.

1. Evel Marque - 298*
2. No Vices Now - 294
3. Bernie is a hobbit - 280
4= Torque of the Devil - 277
4= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 277
6. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 274
7. The Pitstop Princess - 249
8. Moneyball - 233
9= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 203
9= Slightly Slower Racing - 203
9= Even more hopeful - 203
12. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 199
13. BOT-RAI-PER - 187
14. Burn After Racing - 176
15. Hippy F1 - 166

*Home track played

Monday, 1 May 2017

Russia GP - "well worth the wait"

Another race full of retirements, how much longer can this go on for?

Alonso stopped on the warm-up lap. I think in the olden days we would have seen him racing back to the pits to see what can be done.  Now he's keeping his head down and checking his online banking.

During the first lap, Grosjean and Palmer collided.  I remember a time when we would have automatically put that on Grosjean, now we automatically blame Palmer.  How long can he keep his seat?  I'm also wondering why it is now so acceptable to have a good swear on team radio, they wouldn't in the press pit.  Stroll also spun.

On Lap 5, Ricciardo's brakes caught fire. He was out.  So when Hamilton said: "There's something wrong, I'm getting sensations", there was hope.  Instead he spent the race radioing over and over about "struggling with his temps".

After those opening laps, nothing happened.  At all.  Well, on Lap 33 Raikkonen confused Hamilton and Bottas.  Massa had a slow puncture on Lap 43.  On Lap 44, Bottas requested less radio communications.

Hooray for Bottas, getting his maiden victory, I'm just very disappointed that it wasn't for Williams.

Eddie Jordan then proved he has dementia when he jumped on to the podium shouting: "Sochi, thank you for giving us an unbelievable race!"  Perhaps he was worried that he was going to be sent to the gulag.

Russia GP - Results

1. Evel Marque - 272*
2. Bernie is a hobbit - 230
3. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 229
4. The Pitstop Princess - 223
5= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 210
5= Torque of the Devil - 210
7. No Vices Now - 195
8. Moneyball - 193
9. BOT-RAI-PER - 178
10. Slightly Slower Racing - 173
11= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 166
11= Even more hopeful - 166
13. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 162
14. Hippy F1 - 146
15. Burn after racing - 116

Monday, 17 April 2017

Bahrain GP - "What a were the quickest"

It was an interesting build up to the race.  Predictably there was a lot of discussion about Alonso's decision to race the Indy 500.  Less predictable was Webber's constant analysis of who has "big minerals".

Looking back, only 13 cars finished the race.  This seems very retro, when did reliability fail?  It all started on Lap 9, when K Mag went off.  Although this was just after Massa showed us that really he came out of retirement to drive for Ferrari as he let Raikkonen straight through.  Verstappen's brakes failed and no one batted an eye lid.  Stroll and Sainz crashed.  Mercedes took 6 second pit stops (another retro step).  There were high fives when Hamilton was given a 5 second penalty for his "pit lane incident".

Fortunately, the Safety Car restart provided lots of action.

Alonso gave us an insight into the Fernando-McLaren-Honda relationship when he told them "Do whatever you want mate".

Surprisingly, everyone was still on the same lap until Lap 50 of 57.

Best retirement of the day, goes to Ericsson and Sauber.  After expressing distress, Sauber asked "Oh, what's up?".  Ericsson's reply was: "Gearbox broken".

Then McLaren had another double retirement.

Final thought on the race, why is the race in Bahrain held at night?  How does it improve the spectacle?

Bahrain GP - Results

1. Evel Marque - 205*
2. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 178
3. Bernie is a Hobbit - 162
4. The Pitstop Princess - 156
5. No Vices Now - 155
6= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 147
6= Torque of the Devil - 147
8. Moneyball - 146
9. BOT-RAI-PER - 122
10. Beauty & the F1 Geek - 119
11. Slightly Slower Racing - 118
12= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 117
12= Even more hopeful - 117
14. Hippy F1 - 110
15. Burn After Racing - 88

*Home track played

Monday, 10 April 2017

China GP - "Absolute masterclass"

So many people picked Stroll this year, yes he was cheap, but didn't his exit on Lap 1 show he was worth every fantasy penny?  Giovanizzi also proved an expensive mistake for Sauber this weekend, crashing in both Q1 and Lap 4.  Bottas proved his position at Mercedes with a spin under the safety car.  Verstappen confirmed why he was a better choice than Kvyat (he used to drive for Red Bull).  The double McLaren retirement continues to signal the beginning of the end.  Once again the internet is full of "Raikkonen?" chat, he insistence on new tyres means we will never know whether he would have finished on the podium.  You would have thought drivers would be trying a lot harder in the "here today, gone tomorrow" world of Formula 1.  Bottas's engineer called him Nico and Hamilton hasn't bothered to learn Verstappen's name at all - why bother with names when it's all so transient?
I will be encouraging all my drivers to the take the "anywhere you like" approach to grid boxes from now on - the nearer the front the better.  As Vettel received no punishment for starting in the middle.  Overall, it wasn't a bad race, especially the nose-to-nose action from the Red Bulls towards the end.

China GP - Results

1. Bernie is a Hobbit - 117
2. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 110
3. No Vices Now - 108
4= The Pitstop Princess - 107
4= Evel Marque - 107
6. Moneyball - 103
7. Slightly Slower Racing - 99
8= Hoping for an Indian Summer - 84
8= Torque of the Devil - 84
8= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 84
11. BOT-RAI-PER - 76
12= Even more hopeful - 70
12= Jenson's Whinging Legacy
14. Burn after racing  -59
15. Hippy F1 - 51

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Australia GP - "That's the way to do it"

Ricciardo put a new spin on the phrase "out lap" to start our season, well with Hulkenberg we had to wait one more lap for the season to start..  It wasn't a bad start and there was overtaking, which is positive.  I just wonder how long I will take to stop thinking the McLarens are Force Indias.
When I came to look at the results to type this up, I was surprised by how long the list of retirees was.  All I've noted is that it was a shame for Grosjean and Palmer.  And to think the FIA wanted to improve reliability!
What does the season hold for us?  Vettel seems to have taken some extra Italian language tuition over the break and can now say more than "Forza Ferrari".  I think it will be a while before anyone who speaks Italian as well as Rosberg will show him up on the podium though.  We also have the phrase "overcut" to hear more of...

Australia GP - Results

1. Bernie is a Hobbit - 68
2= The Pitstop Princess - 60
2= Evel Marque - 60
4. Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys - 53
5. Slightly Slower Racing - 50
6. BOT-RAI-PER - 48
7. No Vices Now - 46
8. Moneyball - 43
9= Beauty & the F1 Geek - 35
9= Hippy F1 - 35
11= Jenson's Whinging Legacy - 32
11= Even more hopeful - 32
13=Hoping for an Indian Summer - 17
13= Torque of the Devil - 17
13= Burn After Racing - 17

*I am doing the sums in my head this year, so please send all maths corrections to the usual address.

Saturday, 25 March 2017

2017 Teams

Entrant:  Team name: Driver 1 : Driver 2: Chassis: Engine: Total cost: Home track
Gareth: Jenson's Whinging Legacy: Bottas, Stroll, Red Bull, Force India, £50m, Singapore
David: Hoping for an Indian Summer: Perez, Hulkenberg, Mercedes, Force India, £48m, Belgium
John: No Vices Now: Hamilton, Stroll, Force India, Force India, £48m, GB
Susan: Slightly Slower Racing: Verstappen, Raikkonen, Force India, Toro Rosso, £49m, Brazil
Stephen: Two World Champions, two future World Champions and, um, two other guys: Perez, Stroll, Red Bull, Ferrari, £50m, Hungary
Claire: The Pitstop Princess: Raikkonen, Stroll, Mercedes, Haas, £49m, USA
Adam: Bernie is a Hobbit: Raikkonen, Kvyat, Toro Rosso, Mercedes, £50m, GB
Tom: BOT-RAI-PER: Bottas, Raikkonen, Toro Rosso, Haas, £49m, Canada
Ben: Torque of the Devil: Perez, Hulkenberg, Force India, Mercedes, £48m, Italy
Brendan: Burn After Racing: Ricciardo, Hulkenberg, Red Bull, Force India, £49m, Belgium
Phil: Even more hopeful: Bottas, Stroll, Red Bull, Force India, £50m, GB
Chris: Moneyball: Palmer, Stroll, Mercedes, Red Bull, £49m, Malaysia
Laura: Beauty & the F1 Geek: Vettel, Magnussen, Sauber, Red Bull, £50m, Italy
Mark: Evil Marque: Raikkonen, Stroll, Mercedes, Haas, £49m, Bahrain
Joe: Hippy F1: Bottas, Perez, Williams, Toro Rosso, £49m, GB

Sunday, 12 March 2017


First you must choose a team name.   Anyone who submits a nameless team will not only be allocated a name by me but will score no points for the first race.

The budget this year remains £50million.  With this budget you must choose a team comprising of the following:

2 x Drivers
1 x Constructor/Chassis
1 x Engine

Each driver, constructor and engine is given a value based on previous performances and their potential for success during the 2017 season (i.e. the most expensive drivers, cars and engines will be those predicted to be the most successful).

There are no points for coming in under budget.

Deadline for submitting teams is Thursday 23 March 2017.  Different teams can be made up of identical drivers and constructors but must have a different home track.  If you submit a team and home track that has already been chosen you will be invited to pick again (the bonus of entering early is to get the team you wish).

In the event that a constructor withdraws from the 2017 championship, any FF1 team with their chassis or engine will not be reallocated a different constructor and will score no more points for that chassis/engine.  If a constructor is bought out (even after a withdrawal or break from competing) then any FF1 team with that chassis/engine will receive the points scored by the new constructor.  A driver picked by a FF1 team will score points for the team with whichever constructor they drive for or no points if they are not competing, i.e. if they are dropped or their constructor withdraws from the championship.

Only one team may be submitted per human being.

Submission should be by email to the usual address.

1.2 Prizes
To make the league “more interesting” entry is £10, which will be put into a prize money pot.  If fewer than twenty teams are entered, the winner will win 60% of the prize, 2nd place 30% and 3rd place 10%. If twenty or more teams enter then the winner will receive 40%, 2nd place 30%, 3rd place 15%, 4th place 10% and 5th place 5%.


Scoring starts from the Australian GP onwards. Fantasy points are allocated based on the performance of your drivers, constructor’s cars and engine.

2.1 Drivers
:: The driver who completes the fastest lap in the final qualifying round will receive +15 points.
If a driver receives an engine penalty he will receive points based on his qualifying lap time i.e. we will not penalise FF1 teams for engine changes.

Example, Fernando Alonso sets the fastest time in the 3rd qualifying session but has a ten place grid penalty for changing his engine he will still get +15 points.

:: The driver who completes the fastest lap during the race will receive +15 points.

:: The driver who makes up the most positions from their place on the grid (after penalties) to their finishing place will receive +15 points.
In the event of this being tied the driver finishing in the highest position will receive the points.

:: Drivers that finish the race in the top 10 positions will score points as follows;

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.2 Constructors/Chassis
Each Constructor has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.3 Engines
Each Engine supplier has 2 cars in the race - you will be awarded points based on the performance of both cars, as follows:

1st - 25 points
2nd - 18 points
3rd - 15 points
4th - 12 points
5th - 10 points
6th - 8 points
7th  - 6 points
8th - 4 points
9th – 2 points
10th – 1 point

2.4 Home Track

Each team should pick one circuit as their Home Track (see 5. CALENDAR).  The points scored by their team at this race will be doubled.  


A bulletin containing the scores and possibly a little light-hearted banter will be posted on the website as soon as possible after each race.  The blog address is

Team listings will be posted on the website.

Notification of results updates by email can be requested.

The website will also contain caption competitions and competitors are invited to post their punditry on the season.



4.1 Drivers

5 Stars – A little bit lost without Rosberg?
Hamilton - £26m (driving for Mercedes)
Vettel – £22m (driving for Ferrari)
Bottas - £20m (driving for Mercedes)

4 Stars – Proving a point
Verstappen - £18m (driving for Red Bull)
Ricciardo - £15m (driving for Red Bull)
Raikkonen - £13m (driving for Ferrari)
Alonso - £12m (driving for McLaren)

3 Stars – A sense of desperation
Massa - £9m (driving for Williams)
Vandoorne - £8m (driving for McLaren)

2 Stars – Peddling Hard
Perez - £6m (driving for Force India)
Hulkenberg - £6m (driving for Renault)
Sainz Jr. - £6m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Grosjean - £6m (driving for Haas)
Magnussen - £5m (driving for Haas)
Ocon - £5m (driving for Force India)

1 Star – A Sense of Making Do
Kvyat - £3m (driving for Toro Rosso)
Palmer - £3m (driving for Renault)
Ericsson - £2m (driving for Sauber)
Wehrlein - £2m (driving for Sauber)
Stroll - £2m (driving for Williams)

4.2 Chassis

5 Stars – Big budget
Mercedes - £26m
Ferrari - £24m
Red Bull – £18m

4 Stars – Plucky independents
McLaren - £15m
Williams - £15m
Renault - £15m

3 Stars - Middle Field
Force India - £10m

2 Stars – Battle of the lower field
Toro Rosso - £8m
Haas - £8m

1 Star – Congratulations for not going into administration
Sauber - £5m

4.3 Engines

5 Stars – Upper Class
Mercedes - £26m
Ferrari - £24m
TAG Heuer (Red Bull) – £18m

4 Stars – Business Class
Honda (McLaren) - £15m
Mercedes (Williams) - £15m
Renault - £15m

3 Stars - Standard
Mercedes (Force India) - £10m

2 Stars – Economy Plus
Renault (Taureau Rouge, surely?) - £8m
Ferrari (Haas) - £8m

1 Star – Economy

Ferrari (Sauber) - £5m

5. CALENDAR 2017

26th March – Australia
9th April – China
16th April - Bahrain
30th April - Russia
14th May – Spain
28th May – Monaco
11th June – Canada
25th June - Azerbaijan
9th July – Austria
16th July – Great Britain
30th July - Hungary
27th August – Belgium
3rd September – Italy
17th September – Singapore
1st October - Malaysia
8th October – Japan
22nd October - USA
29th October - Mexico
12th November – Brazil

26th November – Abu Dhabi