Italy GP - "Pidgeon Italian from the 3rd Placed Driver (and probably a "Nice Job Lewis" or "Get it there" that wasn't broadcast)"

London has many things the rest of us don't get access to, but it seems the SkyF1 channel isn't one of them so I've been asked to guest blog while PSP and her litter were holidaying in the big city.

Sky's coverage took a break from the usual Hamilton-heavy features to carry out the obligatory "We're in Italy so lets jam as many Ferrari pieces in as we can" schedule (everyone in Italy passionately loves Ferrari and thinks about red cars 24/7, don't you know?). It did include one of the best Kimi interviews I've ever seen, as he was surprisingly pleasant and chatty with Brundle... Probably was for the best to steer clear of Hamilton anyway, in case he carried out a rendition of his Princess Di poem.

It's worth mentioning the farce that was qually: Grosjean's crash, due to weather he warned was unsafe to drive in, red-flagged the session, which then didn't restart for nearly 3 hours because of said weather. A litany of farcical grid penalties (9 drivers penalised for offenses such as replacing faulty parts and forgetting to collect Tiger Tokens when fueling up) meant the grid looked nothing like it did at the end of qually and only someone with the brains of an actuary could work it all out.....All this lead to the inevitable Hamilton pole, Vettel starting way back, Lance Stroll on the front row and bad omens for a predictable outcome.

Lance Stroll decided not to go for the win (leaving Hamilton free to fly off onto an insurmountable lead). Meanwhile Max Verstappen decided to ruin his race after only 4 laps by smacking into Massa.... Bloody foolish weans, don't know what they've got till it's gone.

Sauber decided to try and hit each other in an attempt to get on TV (though I'd forgotten what they looked like and had to Google them). They were not shown again and you have to wonder how much worse they would be if the Honda deal had went through (NOTE: PSP and I both drive Hondas and are very happy with them [not a plug to get more Hondas - ed.] [unless they're up for that? - ed.]).

Joylen Palmer did his best to prevent McLaren getting their hands on his Renault engine, diving off the track and peeving Fernando in the process - "5 seconds is a joke", repeatedly bleated Alonso, who presumably felt castration was a more suitable punishment for the minor offence. I suspect the thought of McLaren throwing away Honda money for a small engine improvement has finally brought on his mental breakdown.

Danny Ric shimmied his way up the field, as he always seems to do, despite his car feeling "gooey in traffic". An incredible drive by him again, it's a shame he joined Red Bull as their era ended.

The Ferraris, having ballsed up qualification, decided to use team orders early on to enable Kimi to battle the increasingly impressive Force Indias for 5/6th (instead of the Mercs) and allowing Vettel another bland 3rd.

Williams tried to liven things up for the viewers, with their drivers attempting to take each other out on the last lap. Mercifully it didn't come off for them. 

Oh, and as expected Hamilton bolted off to an unassailable lead and will now win the championship, become the greatest driver of all time and be canonised by the end of the week. Despite all this, the fans at Monza booed him...though they may have just been booing the garish Heineken themed trophy he was given.