Editor: please welcome Wheels on Fire for this race's commentary. I'm assuming that it is for Bahrain and not very very late.
It was at Abu Dhabi: Oh, yes, it was!
Once again the circus rolled into town with its baggage train, its barkers and grinders proffering for our entertainment a spectacle which not even No Vices Now* could sleep through. The first Act consisted of Verstappen (stupid boy!) giving us his polished performance of trying to bully the other contestants into giving way to him, with the usual consequences of damaging his car and whingeing about it afterwards to anyone who would listen. Shame Hamilton has learned how to parry his thrusts.
Several novelty acts entertained us as the show rolled along, but surely the most thrilling was the high wire act starring Pierre Gasley who not only started from a good grid position but managed to hang on as others tried to put him off and finished his turn with a startling 4th place. We would in future prefer not to see any more mechanics damaged in the course of their duties and we hope that Ferrari give their employees private healthcare to make being off sick bearable.
The tightrope walk at the end of the performance kept us all awake to the end, the Ringmaster shouting to Vettel: he’s behind you! (Oh no, wrong type of show, sorry.) But he was and lucky, lucky Vettel managed to bluff his way through to the end and hang on to his prime billing, the highest step on the podium and a nice big trophy to show for his trouble.
*A new comparison has been born to add to the area of Wales, the length of London buses and size of the blue whale: how long it takes No Vices Now to drop off to sleep during a Grand Prix.